"Ugh, when Asuna popped up on that monitor, I couldn't help but yell," Neru grumbled.
"And then they were all, 'You're an intruder too?!' and nabbed me," she added, slumping against the wall.
Mash and Neru sat side by side in a makeshift cell aboard the Golden Fleece. Their weapons had been confiscated—well, except for Mash's iron staff, which no one could lift. Neru, however, was disarmed and fuming.
"I thought you'd just mow everyone down and walk out, Neru-san," Mash said, tilting his head.
"These damn shoes didn't help," Neru muttered, glaring at her bunny costume's heels. "Plus, all that 'keep it smart, don't make a scene' crap… ugh, everything just piled up and I got caught."
"Donmai," Mash offered, giving her a sympathetic nod.
"Don't 'donmai' me," Neru shot back. "Wait a sec—you let them catch you, didn't you? Knowing you could just smash through a wall anytime?"
"Yep," Mash admitted with a grin.
"Pfft, figures," Neru snorted, her frustration giving way to a laugh. "Here we are, trying to play it cool, and we're both a mess. Hilarious."
"Haha, yeah," Mash chuckled.
"Hahahaha—ugh, damn it!" Neru's laughter turned into a frustrated yell as she kicked the wall and floor, venting her anger at their predicament. Mash patted her shoulder, trying to calm her down, then touched the cell door.
"Not too thick," he said. "I can break it anytime."
"Goddamn it, if I wasn't in this stupid outfit and had my gear…" Neru growled, then paused. "Wait, where's that little punk hiding anyway?"
"Oh, I met Koyuki-chan," Mash said casually.
"Good, then let's—wait, what?" Neru's eyes narrowed.
"…Oops," Mash muttered, realizing his slip.
"Sensei," Neru said, her voice dangerously low. "What do you mean, you met her?"
Mash started sweating. He'd explained letting himself get caught because he could escape anytime, but he'd skipped the part about why he was caught in the first place.
"Sensei," Neru repeated, her smile sharp enough to cut steel. "Look at me. Eyes on me, got it?"
"…I plead the fifth," Mash stammered. "'Denied. Talk,' you say? Okay, fine…"
Mash spilled everything. Neru wasn't mad about letting Koyuki slip away—two other things had her riled up.
"Look, Sensei," she said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Some people out there get way too excited about your body. You gotta be careful."
"There are people like that?" Mash blinked. "Is my body… like, sexy or something?"
"Sexy?!" Neru choked. "You—do you even have any knowledge about that stuff?"
"That stuff?" Mash tilted his head, genuinely confused.
"…Your grandpa screwed up one thing raising you," Neru muttered. "Just one, but it's a big one."
"Gramps raised me perfectly," Mash protested.
"He missed one crucial lesson," Neru insisted. "A really important one."
"??" Mash's confusion deepened.
Neru groaned. "A clueless, stupidly strong Sensei who's younger than me and loaded with attributes… How many tropes do you have?!"
"I don't even know what you mean," Mash said, scratching his head.
Neru seriously considered begging Yuuka to give Mash "the talk" once they got back—she was too embarrassed to do it herself.
"Whatever!" she snapped. "Let's get out of here."
"Got it," Mash nodded.
"The second you bust that wall, we link up with Akane and Karin—and that idiot who screwed us over," Neru said, cracking her knuckles.
"She was having a blast out there," Mash noted.
"Then we grab that little gremlin!" Neru declared.
"Roger that. Here we go—"
Mash stepped up to the iron door, fist raised to smash it, but before he could, the door swung open.
"Yoo-hoo! Long time no see, Senpai!" Koyuki chirped, only to be tackled by Neru the instant she appeared.
"What's that about 'long time'?!" Neru roared, squeezing Koyuki in a vice-like grip.
"Neru-san, Neru-san, you're gonna crush her!" Mash warned. "Koyuki-chan's head's gonna pop!"
"Maybe it should pop!" Neru growled.
"N-No violence!" Koyuki squeaked. "S-Stop!"
"Violence? This is education!" Neru retorted.
"Like some old-school corporal punishment teacher…" Mash muttered. "Wait, I can't talk."
"You're fine, Sensei!" Neru snapped. "Ugh, whatever."
Neru released Koyuki, who collapsed, clutching her head with a groan. Neru loomed over her, arms crossed. Koyuki, whimpering, started talking.
"Ow… I didn't expect you guys to show up," she said, rubbing her scalp.
"Thanks to you," Neru shot back.
"Nihaha! But you don't need to worry about work anymore!" Koyuki grinned. "You've got no chance of winning now!"
"Oh?" Neru raised an eyebrow.
"'Oh' nothing!" Koyuki said. "Sure, this school runs half-independent, but you don't wanna make enemies here, right? That's a losing game."
"…True," Neru conceded, glancing at Mash.
"Plus, your cover's blown," Koyuki taunted. "Mission failed, right? Unless… you all hit S-rank. Nihaha!"
Neru's eye twitched at Koyuki's smug tone. S-rank granted near-immunity to the ship's rules, a golden ticket to freedom. But stuck in a cell, they were powerless.
"You're pretty cocky for someone blowing other people's money," Neru said, her voice dripping with disdain.
"Fufu~" Koyuki preened.
"That wasn't a compliment," Neru clarified.
"Koyuki-chan," Mash said gently, "don't you feel bad about using other people's money?"
"Nope!" Koyuki said cheerfully. "Anything wrong with that?"
"Yeah, it's wrong," Neru snapped.
"Money's meant to circulate, isn't it?" Koyuki argued. "Hoarding it's weirder, if you ask me."
"Ethics…" Neru groaned, rubbing her temples.
"If it gets me recognized, I'll spend as much as I want!" Koyuki declared, unapologetic.
Neru clutched her head, muttering, "Sensei, this is who she is." Mash realized scolding Koyuki wouldn't work—she wouldn't feel remorse or even see the issue.
"You're riding high now, but we've still got—" Neru started.
"Leader," Karin's voice interrupted.
"Not you too, Sensei…" Akane sighed. "We're all caught."
"What?! How?!" Neru demanded.
"Sorry," Karin said. "We saw Asuna on the monitor and reacted… then got nabbed."
"Nihaha! How cozy!" Koyuki laughed. "All buddies in jail!"
"Not cozy!" Neru barked.
With Karin and Akane captured, C&C was down to just Asuna. Koyuki cackled, reveling in her apparent victory.
"This is it! I win! Total victory! Nihaha!" Koyuki crowed.
"If I had my weapons…" Neru growled.
"Wouldn't help!" Koyuki teased. "Asuna'll be here soon enough. Just sit tight~♪"
Koyuki's smug confidence was palpable, but then the door swung open again. A familiar figure stepped in, grinning.
"Hey, Koyuki! Found you… huh?" Asuna said, tilting her head.
"Asuna-san…" Koyuki gasped, eyes wide.
Asuna stood in a daring aqua-blue bunny outfit, flanked by two security guards. Mash flinched slightly at her bold attire, but after seeing so many bunny costumes, he was desensitized enough to keep the "forbidden door" in his soul shut.
"Cute~!" Asuna squealed, launching herself at Mash with a leap.
"Asuna-s—oof!" Mash grunted as she collided with him.
"Whoa!" Neru exclaimed.
"Bold move," Karin noted.
"She just… pounced," Akane said, impressed.
"W-What?! Is that what's happening?!" Koyuki stammered.
Maybe not, Mash thought, as Asuna hugged him tightly, nuzzling his chest. "Master, you're so cute! That tuxedo? Perfect! Super perfect!"
"Uh… thanks?" Mash said.
"What about me? Cute, right?" Asuna asked, beaming.
"Of course," Mash replied.
"Yay! Ehehe~" Asuna giggled, rubbing against him.
(…Like a dog?) Mash thought.
(Definitely a dog, Neru agreed silently.)
(Big dog? Karin wondered.)
(A giant puppy? Akane mused.)
The team couldn't shake the large-dog vibes, leaving Mash bewildered, his mind stuck on "Dog? Dog? DOG?"
"Asuna-san, uh, you're kinda… pressing against me," Mash said.
"You're my Master, so it's fine!" Asuna chirped. "I don't mind at all. This is better, honestly!"
"…Alright then," Mash sighed.
Giving up, Mash decided if Asuna didn't care, he wouldn't either—not entirely, though. Since arriving in Kivotos, he'd developed a sliver of self-consciousness, a faint blush of embarrassment.
"Wow, you guys are close! Guess you're stuck here for a while, huh? Nihaha!" Koyuki teased.
"For a while?" Mash asked.
"Yup! You're all trapped here—" Koyuki began.
"Asuna-sama," a guard interrupted, "you're authorizing the release of everyone here, correct?"
"…Huh?" Koyuki blinked.
"Yep, please!" Asuna said cheerfully.
"Understood. Everyone's free. And here are your confiscated weapons—our apologies," the guard said, handing them over.
"What's happening?" Koyuki sputtered.
"So, funny story!" Asuna grinned. "I hit S-rank just now!"
"What?!" the team gasped in unison.
In record time, Asuna had clinched VIP status, giving her free rein on the ship. Essentially, the entire vessel was now on her side.
"So… we can do whatever we want now," Neru said, a grin spreading.
"Yep! It just kinda happened!" Asuna said, bouncing. "Master, praise me, praise me!"
"Uh, that's… amazing," Mash said, patting her head.
"Anything we do is fair game," Karin said.
"Like classic C&C style," Akane added.
"Which means…" Koyuki faltered.
"Oh yeah…" Neru said, loading her gun with a gleeful expression and aiming it at Koyuki.
"Rabbit hunting time!" Neru roared.
"Noooo!" Koyuki wailed.
The real hunt was on.
Koyuki bolted through the ship, her rabbit-like speed on full display, but she was pursued by Mash and Neru—beasts in name only.
"Wait!" Mash called.
"Stop, you little punk!" Neru shouted.
"Eek!" Koyuki squealed.
Glancing back meant death—a primal chase straight out of the wild. Koyuki's heart pounded with fear: If they catch me, I'm done! Eaten alive!
"Stop right there!" Karin called halfheartedly.
"She's heading for the rooftop lounge!" Neru growled.
"No way we're letting her!" Akane said, equally unconvincing.
Koyuki didn't care about the familiar-sounding lines (Crayon Shin-chan parody, anyone?). She sprinted for the rooftop lounge, thinking, If I make it, I'm free!
"Hah… hah… I'm here…" Koyuki panted.
"Found you, Koyuki-chan," Mash said, stepping forward.
"Nooo!" Koyuki yelped.
"Just give up," Neru said, cracking her knuckles. "Let me land one punch."
"No escape," Karin added.
"Come on, surrender," Akane urged.
"You're all wrong!" Koyuki said, grinning. "I haven't lost—you have!"
"Huh?" Neru blinked.
"Behold!" Koyuki declared, pulling out a massive drone. "My personal escape drone!"
She hopped onto the drone's controller, soaring toward the sea. "Nihaha! Byeee!"
The team stared, dumbfounded—not out of defeat, but sheer exasperation. The drone wasn't even that fast.
"Sensei, here," Karin said, handing Mash a sniper bullet.
"Thanks, Karin-chan," Mash said, gripping it between his fingers.
He wound up, aiming at the drone. "Shoulder Magic: Missile Throwing!" he shouted, hurling the bullet.
"Huh—kyaa!" Koyuki screamed as the bullet pierced the drone, triggering a massive explosion. The drone plummeted, and Koyuki splashed into the sea.
"Pwah! Gah! Help! I-I can't swim!" Koyuki flailed.
"…Can't we just leave her?" Neru suggested.
"That's too much," Mash said. "I'll get her."
"I could've hit that from here," Karin muttered. "It was so slow."
"Total rookie move," Akane said. "Oh, Sensei! I'll toss a rope!"
"…Talk about anticlimactic," Neru sighed.
"Whyyy?!" Koyuki wailed from the water.
Self-inflicted karma at its finest.
Footnote 1: A nod to the iconic Crayon Shin-chan "Wait right there!" chase scene.
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