It started like any other cursed morning.
Rias was fixing her hair in the living room while watching a documentary titled "The Forbidden Shapes of Pasta." Astak was upside-down on the couch, trying to telepathically order fried rice. Suguru… was nowhere. That was worrying.
Suddenly—
BZZZZT.
A spark flew from Rias' hair straightener.
"Huh?" she blinked.
Then the wall behind her ripped open like cheap fabric—revealing a screaming void full of floating office chairs and Greek statues.
Me: "WHAT DID YOU DO!?"
Rias: "I turned the heat setting to 'Zeus Mode'…"
Astak, calmly chewing a pen: "She just opened a rift to the IKEA dimension."
Meanwhile… in that dimension
Suguru, somehow already there, was arguing with a sentient sofa.
Suguru: "Let me out! I didn't even buy you!"
Sofa: "Return the manual or remain forever."
Suguru began crying in perfect harmony with a Swedish ringtone.
Back to us.
I held Rias' straightener like it was a nuke.
Astak: "We need to fix this before Zeus notices again."
Me: "Didn't he ban us from touching reality tools last time?"
Rias: "This isn't my fault. This is feminism."
Me: "HOW IS THIS FEMINISM!?"
Rias: "I don't know but it sounded empowering!"
Enter Zeus.
Literally kicking the front door down.
"WHO… summoned the IKEA wormhole again!?"
We all pointed at Suguru—who had just crawled out from the portal holding a fake plant and crying.
Suguru: "I saw my past life. I was a coat hanger…"
Zeus smacked him with a lightning bolt made of receipts.
Rias tried to close the rift using the hair straightener again.
Click.
Nothing.
Suguru: "Try turning it off and on again."
Zeus: "That's not—wait. Actually, that works."
She did it.
BZZZT.
The rift closed. Everything returned to normal—except now we had two kitchens and no bathroom.
Astak: "I think we just changed our floorplan."
Later that night…
Rias: "Maybe I should go back to using curlers."
Suguru: "Maybe I should go back to being a coat hanger."
Astak: "Maybe we should all go back to therapy."
And me?
I was trying to Google "how to unmerge two kitchens without summoning kitchen gods."
To Be Continued…