They crouched behind a half-collapsed stone wall, overlooking the hilltop camp.
It was a shitshow of scrap and desperation—bent rebar fences, tire barricades, rusted trailers stacked like Lego blocks, and a smoke-belching drum fire in the center. Lin counted at least fourteen guys wandering around, most dressed in ripped jackets and camo pants, some shirtless, one wearing what looked like a teddy bear backpack. All of them were armed. Rifles, machetes, one guy even had a sharpened street sign.
Sierra peeked through her scope. "Looks like a Mad Max daycare up there."
Yue didn't respond right away. Her frosty eyes scanned every watchtower, every angle.
"...I can't guarantee I won't kill any of them."
Lin turned. "Wait, what?"
Yue's voice remained clinical. "With this number, if conflict breaks out, probability of lethal force escalates to ninety-three percent. Especially if they cluster or rush."
"So you're saying you might ice someone by accident?" Sierra asked.
"No. I'm saying I will if they get too close."
Yuzuki clung to Lin's arm with both hands. "Producer-sama... I don't like this~ Can't we just go home?"
"There is no home anymore," Celestine murmured. "Only ash and blood."
Lin exhaled. Fuck. This was worse than he expected.
They couldn't sneak in—too many lines of sight. They couldn't attack—Yue might massacre everyone, and they'd be stuck dealing with the fallout. They needed a trick. A way inside.
Then an idea started forming in the back of his head. A risky one.
"...Okay. What if we used the raiders?"
All eyes turned to him.
"I mean—what if we pretend we're their prisoners? Like, you know, captured loot?"
Sierra gave him a weird look. "You're suggesting we let these crusty-ass jackoffs parade us into their gang hideout?"
"Yes! No—I mean, pretend to parade us," Lin said quickly. "Just enough to get inside the perimeter. We'll have the high ground then. They won't shoot what they think they already own."
Celestine nodded slowly. "A deception of appearance... to mask the blades underneath."
Yue blinked, considering it. "High-risk strategy. Logically sound."
Sierra looked at Lin. "That's... not bad, actually. You come up with that just now?"
He scratched his head. "Y-yeah? I just didn't wanna get frozen or shot."
Yuzuki clapped. "Yay~ Producer-sama is leveling up~!"
Lin turned red. "Please don't say it like that."
He turned to the scrawniest bandit—Dillo.
"Okay. Here's the plan. You six surround us—three in front, three in the back. Keep your weapons out but not pointed at us. Act like you're bringing us in to present to your boss."
Dillo raised an eyebrow. "So like... you want us to flex like you're our new meat?"
Lin grimaced. "Don't say it like that. Just—walk like you're proud assholes who caught something valuable."
Sierra snorted. "So... just act natural."
"Shut up."
The raiders exchanged looks, shrugged, and started getting into position.
One of them smirked and gave a mock salute. "Your wish is our command, boss man."
Yue narrowed her eyes at them. "Any deviation from formation, and I will personally rupture your skulls."
"Crystal clear!" one chirped.
Lin whispered to the girls as the raiders began circling around. "Just play along. We'll stay in the center. Weapons hidden. No one make a move unless I give the signal."
Celestine inclined her head. "Understood. Our masks are on."
Sierra leaned closer to Lin. "I dunno, pretty boy. This fake prisoner thing? It's kinda hot."
"P-please—Sierra, not now!"
Yuzuki looped her arms around his again and whispered, "You're really cool when you take charge, Captain-sama~ I bet you'd make a great dungeon master~"
"I—I don't know what that means, but I'm scared to ask..."
Yue stood at attention, hands behind her back. "Initiate operation False Spoils."
Dillo grinned. "Hell yeah. Let's get you all gift-wrapped for the boss."
The weirdest procession in the wasteland began to move—six filthy bandits flanking four elite women and one awkward, blushing nerd.
And Lin? Lin had never felt more like a fraud, walking into a lion's den wearing a "fuck me" sign taped to his chest.
But at least this time, the plan was his.
***
The gate to the bandit camp was a patchwork abomination—corrugated sheet metal strung together with cable wire, reinforced by a bent car hood and the axle of a broken-down truck. Two sentries stood on either side, one with a hunting rifle and the other with a crowbar. Both looked like they hadn't bathed in weeks.
One squinted as the procession approached.
"Oi! Dillo? That you?"
"Yup," Dillo shouted, swaggering forward with a big grin. "We bagged ourselves some top-shelf meat!"
The guard stepped forward, eyes raking over the four women in the center. "No fuckin' way. You serious?"
"Dead serious," Dillo said, patting Lin on the shoulder like he owned him. "Found 'em sniffin' around the edge of the city. Look at these fuckin' dolls. Ain't they somethin'?"
The guard's brow furrowed. "Why the hell they ain't tied up?"
Dillo rolled his eyes. "They're harmless, man. C'mon. You think I'd risk bruisin' this one's perfect skin?" He gestured at Yuzuki, who gave a small, nervous smile and clung to Lin's arm. "Boss'd kill me if there were rope marks."
The other guard gave a pervy grin. "Fair point."
They opened the gates without another word.
As the group stepped into the camp, Lin tried to hold back his gag reflex. The air stank of sweat, rust, and rot. Trash littered the ground—cans, bones, torn clothing. Men stood in groups, smoking, sharpening knives, leering openly at the girls. Some whistled. One licked his lips.
Yuzuki flinched and pressed closer to Lin. "They're all staring, Producer-sama..."
"J-just keep walking," Lin muttered.
Celestine walked barefoot on the gravel like she didn't feel it. Sierra's jaw was tight, her fingers twitching toward her concealed pistol. Yue, of course, looked calm. Too calm.
A shout rose from the central trailer.
A man stepped out. Broad-shouldered, maybe late 30s, with patchy facial hair and a chest covered in tattoos—guns, tits, skulls, the usual aesthetic. He wore sunglasses despite the overcast sky, and a pipe hung from his lip. He looked like a rejected Fallout boss.
"The fuck's all this?" he barked.
"Boss! Gotcha some fresh stock!" Dillo shouted, beaming. "Four smokin' hot bitches and their little handler. No trouble, all clean."
The bandit boss strutted over, his eyes practically crawling over Yue.
"Shit," he muttered. "You look like a fuckin' ice princess."
He reached out to grab a lock of her silvery-blue hair.
That was a mistake.
In less than a second, frost exploded up his arm.
"What the f—" was all he managed before his hand turned a crackling blue, frozen stiff, and the frost surged outward to the two bandits flanking him.
The sound was like meat shattering.
One screamed before his jaw locked mid-howl. The other barely had time to piss himself before ice encased his legs and chest, stopping just short of his throat.
Yue's voice was calm. Cold as the wind off a glacier.
"Touch me again," she said, "and I'll freeze your cock off next."
The bandit leader fell backward, clutching his wrist. His pipe shattered on the ground.
"W-WHAT THE FUCK?!"
The entire camp turned in an instant.
Weapons came up. Guns clicked. Shouts echoed.
Yue stepped forward, unfazed, frost swirling around her boots.
"I suggest," she said, "you yield."
For a moment, no one moved.
Sierra drew her rifle and aimed it at the nearest bandit's head. "Anyone wanna be next? I got six hollowpoints itchin' for an earhole."
Yuzuki's eyes sparkled with panic, but her body moved instinctively into a ready stance. Celestine began humming softly, the air around her vibrating with tension.
Lin, somehow, was still in the middle of it all, his heart pounding so hard he thought it might explode.
The boss looked around—at his frozen men, at the four girls now very much not helpless, and at the raiders flanking them who were suddenly very interested in stepping back.
"...Drop your fuckin' weapons!" he shouted, voice cracking.
The entire camp froze again.
"You heard me!" he snarled, spinning toward his own crew. "DROP 'EM!"
There was a series of clatters as rifles and machetes hit the ground. No one argued. No one moved.
Yue stepped over the frozen body of the would-be molester and turned to Lin.
"Awaiting orders, Captain."
Lin blinked. His pants were damp with sweat. His knees felt like jelly.
But everyone was staring at him. Waiting.
"...Yeah," he croaked. "Let's... take control of the camp."
And for once, no one questioned him.
Q: What would your plan be for the bandits?