"W-W-What?! You're saying you're I-Itachi's g-g-g-g... girlfriend?!"
"Y-Yes…"
Faced with four pairs of wide, stunned eyes, Uchiha Izumi, who had barely mustered the courage to speak, flushed scarlet again and instinctively shrank her neck like a turtle. Her entire body trembled as if she might bolt at any second under their burning gazes. After nervously nodding, she stammered out a barely audible reply.
"P-Please take care of me…"
'Unbelievable… Itachi, that child… Just when did this happen…?'
Mikoto muttered in disbelief, her expression dazed and dreamlike, as though reality itself had turned upside down.
After all, in Mikoto's memory, her eldest son Uchiha Itachi had always been the textbook example of a perfect child—well-behaved, intelligent, respectful, a straight-A prodigy who always did what his parents asked… And now, not only had he suddenly brought home a girlfriend without so much as a warning, but judging by how things were going, he had clearly planned to keep it hidden—at least until today's accidental public exposure.
"Itachi, care to explain?"
With that thought, Mikoto's expression darkened, her voice still gentle and measured, lips curved in a faint smile for the sake of the unfamiliar girl in front of her. But each softly spoken syllable struck cold fear into the very marrow of Itachi's bones.
"This so-called… boyfriend-girlfriend relationship… You weren't planning to explain it to us properly? Were you, U-chi-ha I-ta-chi?"
As soon as Mikoto finished speaking, it was like a silent signal had been triggered. Everyone who had frozen just moments ago immediately snapped out of it. Their eyes, filled with curiosity and questions, turned in perfect unison toward Itachi—who was currently trying to tiptoe away.
"A-Ah… W-Well, you see…"
Under the intense familial spotlight, even Itachi began to feel sweat trickling down his back. Knowing full well there was no way to talk his way out of this, he mentally kicked himself for not coordinating the story with Izumi beforehand—something like being classmates would've worked, slowly easing them into it. As he awkwardly turned back around, his fingers—hidden beneath his long sleeves—began to move quickly, forming the subtle hand signs required to prepare a jutsu… all with one hand!
"Izumi… she… she…"
"Oh my~ You're already calling her by name so naturally… Looks like the girl wasn't lying after all."
Before Itachi could even finish, Fugaku interrupted. His voice cut off Itachi's jutsu prep, and his pitch-black eyes had already shifted into crimson Sharingan with three tomoe spinning ominously. Narrowing his gaze at the twitching fabric of Itachi's sleeves, Fugaku stood with arms crossed, exuding the rare image of a stern, cold father… which lasted for all of three seconds.
"Every little thing you're doing, Dad can see loud and clear. So don't even think about using the Substitution Jutsu to escape."
"Unless, of course, you've decided to never come home again, my deeeear son~"
"…Dad, Mom… am I really your biological child?!"
The fact that his father had gone as far as activating the Sharingan—something he hadn't done since the end of the war—just to monitor his reaction to this "relationship," left Itachi feeling utterly betrayed. His mother playing good cop, bad cop with Dad only made things worse. He had no choice but to abandon his jutsu preparations, raise his head in dismay, and cry out with a mix of despair and disbelief.
"Especially Dad… He even used the Sharingan… This level of treatment… is more 'deluxe' than what the Konoha Police give to criminals in custody… No—way more than that, like ten times worse!"
"Ahem, ahem, come now, don't say that~ You're my precious baby boy. Those criminals deserve everything they get—there's no comparison at all!"
"…R-Really…?"
"Of course! When has your old man ever lied to you?"
Hearing his beloved eldest son's heartfelt protest, Fugaku quickly straightened up, putting on a sincere face. He patted Itachi's shoulder and continued, sounding like a wise elder giving fatherly advice, though he could barely keep the smirk from his lips.
"Besides, those cowardly weaklings in the holding cells… are hardly worthy of wasting my Sharingan's chakra. So in truth, Itachi, you're getting far better treatment than they ever will—hundreds of times better, in fact."
"Hah… I see… That's a relief. Then I can rel—wait? Hold on! Something feels off here!"
The words and expression on his father's face were perfectly serious, leaving no trace of sarcasm… which momentarily lulled Itachi into a sense of ease. He even exhaled in relief—until his brain caught up and realized something about those words wasn't quite right. His lips twitched. Glancing around, he suddenly locked eyes with Naruto, silently pleading for backup.
'Naruto, say something! Help me out here!'
But in the very next second, Itachi deeply regretted it.
This was the same Naruto who once got the legendary Pervy Sage mistaken for a pervert and chased across the entire village for a night. There was no way he'd pass up a rare chance like this to tease the one and only fan-favorite "God Itachi."
'Tsk tsk tsk… Itachi-san, oh Itachi-san… Just last night, we were sitting side by side eating dog food, comrades on the same single-men battlefield…'*
Naruto, who had been silent all this time, finally looked up at Itachi with a strange, mischievous smile. And before Itachi could react or stop him, Naruto wiped the grin off his face and staggered a few steps as if in shock, clutching his chest like his heart had just been broken.
"I-I can't believe it! Just one night! Just one night and you—good, honest Itachi-san—turns out to have a girlfriend?! You're the first traitor to leave the single club! Why are you two so close and cozy already? How long have you even known each other?!"
Itachi, who had instinctively placed his trust in Naruto, was now full of regret. The moment he had asked for help, Naruto had fully defected to the gossiping parent faction and even threw out the exact question everyone else in the room was dying to ask… effectively stabbing Itachi on his way out, and with lethal precision no less.
"I-I… She… I…"
Under everyone's expectant gazes, Itachi began to stammer again. And finally, he experienced for himself the same despair that Jiraiya had endured last night—chased across the village in confusion and disgrace.
'I must've fallen under some kind of Genjutsu… Even after watching Lord Jiraiya's tragic example, I still turned to Naruto for help… I'm sorry, Lord Jiraiya. I was wrong to laugh yesterday. Truly…'
'This guy's not an angel inside at all… He's a devil. An absolute little devil!'