Chapter 72: You're Crushing Me!**
Ye Xiwen was used to living alone—at most, Fu Junyao crashed over occasionally. Having a man in her apartment felt like a glitch in reality, short-circuiting her thoughts. And then there was the *sight* of him—half-naked, no less. It was the first time she'd seen a man like this in real life, not just in movies. Her heart raced, her breath coming faster than usual.
*How dare he be so brazen?* she fumed silently. *Staying the night is one thing, but stripping down to next to nothing? Does he plan to take off his underwear too? No wonder Yaoyao calls him a pervert. He *is* a pervert. Though…* Her eyes darted to his physique—lean muscles, a solid frame. *He's in better shape than those actors in those adult films. And that… thing… is bigger than I thought it would be.*
She froze, horrified by her own thoughts. *What am I doing? Rating his body like some creep? Am I going into heat or something?*
"Wenwen jie? Are you okay?" Fu Junyao pulled her toothbrush out of her mouth, frowning.
Ye Xiwen jolted back to reality, forcing a calm expression. "Fine. Just… forgot he stayed over last night. Caught me off guard, that's all."
"Hmph. That's on you," Fu Junyao snapped, bitterness lacing her tone. "Why'd you let this creep stay? Trying to invite trouble? Or are you lonely enough to let *him* keep you company?" The memory of last night—his hands, his lips, the way he'd held her—burned in her mind, a mix of rage and humiliation.
Ye Xiwen flicked Fu Junyao's cheek lightly, feigning sternness. "Don't start. This mess is on both of you. You two insisted on chugging baijiu like it was water, then passed out cold. What was I supposed to do? Drag you both into the street?"
Fu Junyao's cheeks pinkened at the reminder of their drinking contest. She stuck out her tongue, sheepish. "Well… it's not *all* my fault. Who knew he'd pull that stunt? I just… stumbled into it."
"Hey, Officer Fu—*you* challenged me to that drinking contest!" Wu Yifan chimed in, seizing the chance to defend himself.
"You pervert! What did you say?!" Fu Junyao's eyes flashed, fire in her glare.
Wu Yifan shifted uncomfortably. Last night's… *encounter* had definitely crossed a line, especially for a girl like her. He forced a weak smile. "N-nothing! I said nothing!" Clutching the blanket around his waist—still mortified by his earlier exposure—he bolted for the bathroom.
"Hey! I was using that first! I'm not done brushing my teeth!" Fu Junyao yelled, chasing after him. She skidded to a halt in the doorway, then shrieked. "You—you're peeing *in front of me*? You're disgusting! Despicable!"
"Officer, *you* barged in," Wu Yifan shot back, not looking up.
"So what? What are you gonna do about it? Big deal. It's not like you've got much to show off anyway," she scoffed, though her ears were red.
"True, it's small. But at least I've got one. You don't," he retorted.
"PERVERT! PIG!"
Ye Xiwen rubbed her temples, groaning inwardly. *What have I gotten myself into?*
…
The bathroom standoff cost them precious time. By the time Wu Yifan finally stumbled back to his own place, it was 8:30 a.m. He froze at the sight of Liu Wei waiting outside, her arms crossed, a storm cloud over her face.
"Miss Liu! You're… here early. Impressive," he said, forcing a grin.
"Save it. I had no idea you were the type to sleep around. I must be crazy, asking *you* to pretend to be my boyfriend," she snapped.
Liu Wei had clearly gone all out to "sell" their fake relationship. Her hair was a spiky, fire-engine-red mess—an "explosive" style, as she'd probably called it. Thick foundation caked her face, paired with smudged teal eyeshadow and hoop earrings big enough to double as bracelets. She looked less like a girlfriend and more like a rebellious teen from a street gang—edgier even than those spoiled brats they'd run into earlier.
Wu Yifan gaped, feigning confusion. "Pardon me, miss… do I know you?"
"Ugh! Cut the act! You recognize me, you jerk. Think this is funny?" She punched his chest, hard, rolling her eyes.
"Hey, can you blame me? You look… *unexpected*. But if you've changed your mind about this whole fake boyfriend thing, I get it. I'll just head in and catch up on sleep," he said, turning to unlock his door.
"Too late. It's almost 9. I can't find a replacement now. You're花心, you're irresponsible, you're lazy, you're cheap, and you've got zero backbone—but you're all I've got. Besides, this look? It's strategic. Shocks people. Should work," she ranted, following him inside.
Wu Yifan spun around, scowling. "Is that supposed to be a compliment? Because it sounds like an insult."
"Duh, it's an insult. What, you thought I was praising you?" She gave him a "are you stupid?" look.
"Fine. Then I'm out," he said, flopping onto his bed, eyes already closing.
"Hey! You can't do this! A man keeps his word, right? You gonna break a promise this easy?" Liu Wei panicked, yanking at his arm. But Wu Yifan was solid—140 pounds of dead weight. She might as well have been tugging a boulder.
He'd barely slept, thanks to his late-night "adventures" with Fu Junyao. Even without… *actual* sex, it had been exhausting. All he wanted was to crash.
"Wu Yifan! Are you even a man?!" Liu Wei tried goading him, yanking harder.
"Want me to drop my pants and prove it?" he mumbled, eyes still shut.
"Wu Yifan, get up! Change! We need to go to the blind date!"
*Zzz…*
"Please! Just help me get through this, and I'll do *anything* you ask!"
*Zzz…*
"Come on! You're a hero, right? Chivalrous! You wouldn't let a poor, helpless girl get stuck with some creep, would you? I'll be eaten alive!"
*Zzz…*
"Ugh! Fine! Three favors! I'll owe you three favors, whatever you want. Just… please? You can't lose here!"
Wu Yifan's eyes snapped open. He sat up, staring at her. "You mean it?"
Liu Wei leaned back, startled—their faces had nearly collided. She nodded, robotically. "Yes. Promise."
"*Anything* I want?" He eyed her up and down, slowly. Liu Wei was young, cute—curves in all the right places. Hard to miss.
Alarm bells went off in her head. She crossed her arms over her chest, backing up. "Whoa. Let's be clear: 'anything' does *not* include… you know. Sleeping together. Don't think because you're helping me, I'll throw myself at you. I'm not that kind of girl."
Wu Yifan laughed. *Cute.*
"Relax. I'm a security guard, not a saint, but my taste isn't *that* bad. So stop flattering yourself," he said, shrugging.
"What? 'Flattering myself'? You think I'm *ugly*?!" Liu Wei's anger spiked. Insulting a woman's looks? Low blow. She glared, puffing out her chest defiantly. "Take a good look. I'm *not* ugly."
"Hmm. Not *completely* flat-chested. Close, though," he said, nodding thoughtfully.
"Wu Yifan, you bastard! Have you *seen* these?!" She snapped, lunging at him. Her hands wrapped around his neck, and she tackled him onto the bed, shaking him hard.
"Whoa—cough—killing me…," he gasped, feigning struggle.
"Good! Serves you right, you jerk!" she snarled, shaking him harder.
"Cough… not… choking. *Crushing*. Those… things… are smothering me. Can you… move 'em?" he managed. Her chest was pressed against his face, soft and warm, a faint floral scent clinging to her skin. It was… distracting, to say the least.
Liu Wei froze, her face turning scarlet. She scrambled off him, clamping her arms over her chest, backing away. "Y-you… pervert!"
Wu Yifan sat up, clearing his throat. "For the record? *You* jumped me."
"Liar! I did not!" Her cheeks burned, like she'd rubbed them with rouge. *I'm not some floozy*, she fumed. *This is all his fault. He made me lose it.*
"Heh. Sure. My bad," he said, grinning sheepishly.
"Stop smiling like that! It's creepy. You look like a total creep," she huffed, pouting.
"Fine. No smile. I'll just… sleep, then," he said, flopping back down.
"Not a chance! You're coming to the blind date. Hear me? *Dead* man walking if you don't!" Liu Wei shouted, grabbing his arm again.
Wu Yifan groaned. *This is gonna be a long day.*