Chapter 170: The Remaining Problem Children
Have you ever encountered this situation?
On the first day you come home, your mother is exceptionally enthusiastic towards you, indulges you in everything, and even forgives you when you make a mistake. But by the third day, her attitude does a complete 180. She finds you annoying even just for being in her sight, and even gets inexplicably annoyed with you.
That's right. That's exactly how Kobayashi felt right now.
But it wasn't the party members who were annoyed with him, but him who was annoyed with them... extremely annoyed.
Because these people were just too noisy.
On a gentle afternoon, Kobayashi was resting his head on RyuZU's soft lap, enjoying this hard-won peace and quiet.
The world of Unbreakable Machine-Doll had been too mentally taxing, so after returning to Konosuba and getting his feet back on the ground, he had turned off his brain to properly recharge his energy.
However—
"Kobayashi, Kobayashi!"
"Yes, yes, it's me."
"Come cast Explosion magic with me!"
He lazily opened one eye and glanced at the little loli to his right, who was excitedly hugging her staff, straddling it and swaying her body. He let out a light, inconspicuous sigh.
She was problem child number one in the party.
The chuunibyou girl, Megumin.
And a girl like her just happened to be an Archwizard, and she had learned—and only learned—the terrifyingly powerful [Explosion] magic.
She had the potential to "cause a big incident if you don't pay attention to her."
He turned over, pressed his face into RyuZU's abdomen, and said in a muffled voice, "Sorry, I don't want to move at all. How about you go find someone else?"
"Why? Didn't you say that if I needed anything, I could find you anytime?"
Does she really still remember that promise?
Megumin tugged at the corner of his clothes, trying to wake him from his gentle embrace.
And he, with his arms wrapped around RyuZU's slender waist, engaged in a tug-of-war with her. Even though his neck was being choked and his face was turning red, he wouldn't get up.
At the same time, he shouted with a complaint:
"But it can't be every day! Even the strongest man can't take that! Be a little more considerate, you idiot loli!"
"Huh?! What did you say?!"
"I said you're an idiot loli!"
"If you're going to say that, then I'll just go find someone else! Is it okay if I find someone else?!"
"Be my guest! Just go find someone else!"
"Since you've said so!"
She shot him an angry glare, then stormed out, swinging her staff, and slammed the door. He didn't know who she had gone to find.
After sending away the troublesome chuunibyou girl, he lay comfortably in RyuZU's embrace. But after a short while, he suddenly opened his eyes again, looking rather embarrassed.
"I say, Miss RyuZU..."
"Is something wrong, Master Kobayashi?"
"Did I just say something particularly strange? Why do I feel like my head is a little green?"
"Yes. In my opinion, what you and Lady Megumin said was extremely scummy. No, it should be the scum of the scum, ten thousand times scummier than Lord Satou Kazuma."
"Hey, hey, hey, is it really that serious?"
He retorted.
He sat up and looked in the direction she had left.
Megumin was the famous [Fledgling Phoenix] of Axel. Her one-shot, heaven-and-earth-destroying [Explosion] magic was enough to make anyone who had ideas about her feel a sense of dread.
On top of that, she had a screw loose and would cast magic at the slightest disagreement. It would be strange if people didn't go out of their way to avoid her.
Although he said that, although he said that!
But after she cast her spell, her whole body would be powerless. At that time, anyone could be a threat to her.
The more he thought about it, the more worried he became. He couldn't just ignore it!
RyuZU, seeing his hesitation, whispered helpfully in his ear, "Since you are worried, how about you go after her? Although she may have gone far, you should be able to catch up to her quickly, Master."
"Tsk."
He clicked his tongue in annoyance, then stood up and rushed out the door.
"Hey! Megumin!"
"What is it?"
"...Eh?"
As soon as he left the room, he saw her standing at the door, as if she had been waiting for a long time.
He couldn't help but blurt out, "Why are you here? Didn't you leave?"
"Because I knew you would definitely come after me. After all, you're the type who is 'tsun' with his mouth but 'dere' in his body," she said with a smile, the corners of her mouth curling up.
"Wh-what...?!"
He was dumbfounded.
He had never thought that he would actually be played by a little loli. Especially that smug little expression of hers, which made him feel extremely embarrassed and annoyed.
But in the end, he still accompanied her to cast her spell.
If there was only one problem child in the party, he could have tolerated it.
But—
"Kobayashi, Kobayashi!"
"Yes, yes, it's me."
"Come catch tentacle monsters with me!"
Here she comes! The perverted knight, Darkness!
This person before him, with a flushed face, twisting her body and panting heavily, was problem child number two in the party!
Never mind the weak Archwizard from before. Darkness's body couldn't even be scratched by Explosion magic. Forget about encountering danger; danger would have to hide from her.
So he didn't have to be concerned about her at all and immediately gave an incomparably cold answer.
"No. If you want to go, then go by yourself."
"Why? Why, Kobayashi!"
"I should be asking you! Why are you going to catch tentacle monsters!"
"What are you talking about! The wriggling, ravaging-everything tentacle monster is a child's favorite thing!"
"Stop lying! Only a pervert like you would like such a strange thing!"
"Hiss— hah— hiss— hah—"
She panted heavily.
She didn't get physical like Megumin. She just kept making that strange panting sound by his ear, which made one's body feel hot and restless, and one's heart stir.
Just as he thought she had some other trick up her sleeve, she just sighed with great regret and said, "Is that so? You're not coming? It can't be helped! Since that's the case, then I have no choice but to go and catch the 'Demonically Modified Tentacle Monster' myself!"
"D-demonically Modified Tentacle Monster?"
"Ah. It's a tentacle monster that hides in dark corners and does this kind and that kind of unspeakable things to pretty girls who pass by! It hunts with its paralyzing tentacles and then slowly strangles them. That feeling of being in a desperate situation... I'm so excited I could just ascend to heaven! Do you understand?!"
"...No, I don't want to understand at all."
Looking at her, who was so excited she was on the verge of ascending on the spot, he knew that even if he didn't want to go, he had to.
Because this woman would very likely strip naked to experience the pleasure of being toyed with, and might even end up bringing that monster back to their base. It was decided. The moment he saw that monster, he would instantly send it to heaven!
Relying on his [Spectator], which could take a bird's-eye view, he was the fastest to find the monster.
And then—
Your perverted delusion... shall be shattered by my magic!
"Explosion!"
"NO————!"
A huge explosion echoed outside the city. Illuminated by the flames, he laughed at the sky. And Darkness knelt on both knees, looking at the dark shadow in the flames with a face full of pain and regret.
The pet she had wanted to adopt had been killed so easily. She even kept muttering the name she had already decided on.
"Chester... Chester..."
"Give it up, Darkness. I will absolutely not let you keep that kind of thing."
"Is this the feeling of losing a loved one? This feeling... this feeling... is great!"
"...Eh?"
It seemed her perversion was far more exaggerated than he had thought.
(End of Chapter)