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Chapter two - Will it ever end?
As the sun set, hiding behind thick cloaks of darkness that slowly swallowed the once bright sky, Avery's eyes slowly peeled open despite the sharp stinging pain beating in his head and the aches all over his body. They reminded him of the aftermath Joshua left a few hours ago-before he broke.
He was still lying in the same position on the floor, dried blood sticking messily to his body and clothes. His lips were broken and swollen, dried blood crusted harshly against their once naturally pink color.
"Argh," a silent groan escaped his broken lips as he struggled to sit up, resting his aching back on the wall behind him. Memories from a few hours ago flooded into his mind like a rough tide crashing onto the seashore, worsening his headache.
"Oh, you're awake. I thought you'd sleep forever," Joshua's voice echoed behind him, a sarcastic smile gracing his thin lips. He slowly strolled into the room dressed in a formal black suit, his midnight-black hair slicked back to reveal a perfect forehead.
"I'm sorry," Avery muttered under his breath, holding his stomach tightly. His voice was soft and almost inaudible. Joshua neared him, crouching in front of him. He lifted Avery's chin to meet his gaze, his fingers tracing the battered lips slowly.
"Why do you always make me do this to you? You're hurting me, Avery. Do you know how I feel when I see you like this?" His tone was soft and gentle, slicing through the heavy silence like a blade.
Avery just sat there, unexplainable emotion flickering in his golden-brown eyes now glistening with tears threatening to fall.
It was always like this; it never changed.
The sweetness of his gentle words after the bitterness of his blows. Joshua's honeyed tone after inflicting agony made Avery overlook the ache in his very bones.
Could I hate him? Avery once thought.
Could I really hate him?
Could I?
"Maybe I deserved it."
"I deserved it. Everything that happened was my fault. I didn't do as you told me, and I cost you a million-dollar contract. I'm sorry. It's not your fault. I'm sorry," Avery said, the tears he held back now rolling down his cheeks and onto the wooden floor. His voice trembled with desperation, clinging to Joshua like a dying man to his last hope.
"He still loves me. He's already apologizing. He didn't mean what he said. He's just angry and frustrated. He still cares," Avery repeated in his mind as he crawled into Joshua's arms despite the aches that held him back. He buried his face in his fragranced shirt, which always seemed to calm his fast-racing heart.
The scent he couldn't forget.
The scent that saved him from the abyss of his own darkness.
He couldn't forget the day it all began - the day he stopped being free.
How could he forget something that was inscribed into his very bones and his every breath?
"If you truly love me and want to make it up to me, this is your chance to do just that," Joshua whispered in his ear, his hand on the small of Avery's back, the other caressing his head. Avery froze, his eyes widening, body tensing in his embrace as if it already knew what was coming.
He trembled. His lips quivered in fear of his known fate.
"Come on, Avery. It's not a big deal," Joshua said, feeling the resistance. "Don't be a coward. It's just a party and all you have to do is the usual stuff. You do your thing for a couple of minutes, I get the contract, and we're both happy. Don't act like it's your first time. Consider it a make-up for last time."
Each word dragged long-buried memories to the surface. His fingers subconsciously clenched Joshua's jacket as his words sank into his mind unlocking the memories he spent sleepless nights and nightmares sealing away.
Faces of sweaty, pleased men - names he could hardly remember - flashed through his mind as they lay on top of him.
He felt dirty, disgusted by his very skin.
But what could he do?
A shaky breath escaped his lips. He nodded slowly against Joshua's chest despite every fiber in him screaming against it.
"That's my boy. I knew I could count on you," Joshua smiled, sinister as he ran his fingers through his hair. "If you do it right, you can spend the night in my room. A special reward for a good boy. What do you think?"
Avery only nodded, barely hearing any of it. He didn't know what else to say or do except agree-just to see him smile. Just to feel like he mattered - like he meant something to him.
"Why does your smile always hurt so much?" he couldn't help but wondered as he watched a wide grin grace his peach colored thin lips.
Joshua smiled and patted his head before stepping away. Cold air rushed over him, replacing the false warmth of his body, he suddenly felt so cold.
"We leave in ten minutes. Go make yourself pretty, baby," Joshua said, the smile never leaving his lips.
"Baby? When was the last time he called me that?" Avery thought.
He groaned, forcing himself upright with the wall's support behind him. Pain throbbed in his abdomen as he struggled to stand. All he wanted was to curl into his blanket and disappear-his pain, his life, the world that abandoned him to a life of tears and echoing silence.
But fate had a twisted sense of humor. He couldn't have even that.
"It's not the first time, Avery. He's right. I can do this. It'll be over soon," he mumbled, echoing the words like a mantra as he pulled himself up the stairs. He repeated them as if the volume alone could make them real and numb the pain.
Maybe if he said it enough, he could believe it - and forget everything.
He had been through worse so this wasn't any different.
Was it?
He soaked in a hot bath until it ran cold, then sat before the mirror, covering bruises and deep cuts with makeup-the same old mirror from five years ago.
Nothing changed.
It was the same; here he was again seated in front of the same old mirror that reflected his bruises and cuts he hid under layers of make-up. It didn't feel any different; he was here again.
"You look breathtaking, darling. Great job hiding those bruises. Finish up quickly so we won't be late."
Joshua's words broke Avery from his daze.
He was right. He didn't look like the half-dead man bleeding on the cold floor just hours ago. He looked not less than breathtaking.
He styled his shoulder-length strawberry-blonde hair into gentle waves like a flowing stream despite the pain he felt in his scalp as he rolled each strand into waves.
No amount of makeup could hide the pain that reflected in his golden eyes.
"You can do this, Avery. It'll be over soon," he whispered to his reflection, dragging in a shaky breath as he looked at his own reflection. He gazed at the eyes that stared back at him and a silent sigh escaped his lips. He struggled to get on his feet as the pain in his abdomen reminded him it would be a long night today and he had no choice but to endure to the very end.
I have been through worse, he reminded himself.
He had gone through hell and back and here he was still alive to think about it.
This won't be any different-or so he thought. He took another look at his reflection in the mirror before he picked up the bag and walked out of the door.
Will it ever end?