It all started when Carlton Zorp received a mysterious envelope labeled "Open When You're Feeling Too Emotionally Stable."
He opened it immediately.
Inside was a map inked in guilt glitter, directing him to a spatial fold adjacent to Sector SIGH-9. Deborah 7.1 detected "high levels of indirect judgment and scented regret." Bazook offered Carlton a helmet, a hug, and half a granola bar before launching him into the maze.
The Maze of Cards unfolded in all directions—endless corridors made of greeting cards with messages like:
"Congratulations on Your Slight Improvement."
"Sorry for Your Loss (Of Ambition)."
"Happy Birthday to Someone Who Tries."
Each card whispered its message repeatedly in faintly disappointed tones. Carlton wandered, cringing and laughing, occasionally sobbing into glittery corners.
The maze was semi-sentient—powered by unresolved feelings and decorative font-induced anxiety. At every intersection, a moral dilemma disguised as a haiku blocked Carlton's path:
"Do you forgive them? Even though they sent that text? Signed, but never meant."
Carlton was forced to confront versions of himself:
Carlton the Optimist, trapped in a pop-up card that refused to fold.
Carlton the Regretful, writing apology poems in invisible ink.
Carlton the Raisin Lover, still inexplicable.
Midway through, Vicki the Croissant materialized from an envelope marked "Definitely Not Plot Relevant." She tossed Carlton a greeting card grenade labeled "Hope, For Now" and disappeared into emotional mist.
Carlton finally reached the Final Card—a blank one. It forced him to write his own message. He inscribed: "Sorry I Keep Expecting Closure." The maze sighed. A pathway opened.
Carlton emerged trembling but wiser. Deborah handed him a sticker that said "Growth: It's Not Always Visible." Bazook gave him his other half of the granola bar. The maze folded into a greeting card shaped like a philosophical shrug.
A confetti note fluttered in front of Carlton: "We're Proud of You (Despite Everything)."
Carlton whispered, "I'm proud-ish." The card winked.