Dear A
The hardest thing one can do is bare their soul to the one she loves. It's hard because this world is full of a lot of broken souls afraid to commit and fall in love, so they shield their hearts by hiding how they feel.
I'm one of those souls.
When I finally admitted to myself that I love you, I told myself that, "I will love you wholeheartedly and will not hold back no matter what." But I find myself doing the opposite of what I had promised myself.
As much as I love you, I haven't fully given myself to you wholeheartedly. It's scarier than I had ever thought. I am much better at pushing people away, out of fear of losing them rather than loving with no regrets.
How does one confess forever with so many life uncertainties? How does one confess such a thing when they feel that anyone they love is bound to leave them eventually.
An old wound that hasn't completely healed, haunts my soul that I can't seem to love you the way I actually feel... but what are words without action.
If I do not show the love that speak of... as much as the wound still burns, I'm reluctant to make a promise of forever when I'm so used to running... hiding how I feel.
Love hurts. It's scary. Saying I love you is scary to me as well, it's a scary process to love without holding back or any regrets..
One would have thought it would be easy considering how books and movies make it seem. *inserts* laughing face*... but its not easy and I guess it isn't hard either, just a little bit scary.
I wouldn't want to scare you off by promising forever to you.
Today I have taken the first step in telling you how I feel.
I love you, my love.
With love.
M
PS. I love your smile