It's been two months since I first heard about the rumor, about me, and of course, about Wei Fang.
So far, nothing has happened. No arrests, no confrontations. Just a quiet, growing tension that sat heavy in the air.
Rong Xu avoids me now. Whenever I walk into a room, he moves to another corner as if the air around me is not suitable to be in.
He says a polite greeting, nothing more, and then disappears somewhere I can't follow.
Commander Wei Fang never seemed to like me to begin with, but lately, I've noticed a few of his men stationed near Colonel Gao Ming's residence. Every time I step inside, I can feel their eyes following me.
As for Gao Ming himself, he still gives me work, but it's nothing worth boasting about. Reports on crop yields, supply routes, minor farm disputes, tasks meant for junior strategists, not a Chief Strategist.
But honestly, that wasn't surprising either.
The only people in the entire outer court who don't seem to suspect me are Renshu and Bao Qin.
Then again, they're the only ones who know the truth about me.
Still, it all feels too familiar. Like four years ago, when I was rotting away in the streets, alone, alienated, a stranger among foreigners.
But I have no choice. I can't stop.
Tonight, Renshu and I trained again. Another swordfight lesson. He's improving quickly, too quickly, maybe. Fast learner, though I'll never tell him that to his face.
The rain had stopped a while ago, and the smell of wet soil lingered underfoot. It was soft, cool, heavy with that earthy calm that comes after a storm.
The night was still; the trees above dripped quietly, leaves glistening with droplets though the darkness made it difficult to see.
"How long do you think it'll take before they forget about this and start treating me normally again?" I asked with a serious tone.
Renshu wiped the sweat from his forehead and caught his breath. "Probably a few more months. I doubt they'll forget about me taking you in any time soon, unfortunately. Bharat and China never really got along. Tension's in our blood."
He laughed lightly, panting. "Let's not talk about that now. How's it going with Shuyin?"
"It's going fine," I said, lowering my sword. "Though her visits have gotten shorter since there's a shortage of maids. Which, of course, was caused by Wei Fang—"
"I don't know for certain it's him," Renshu interrupted quickly. "It could be someone else."
"Who else but him?" I shot back, annoyed.
"I understand that you're tired," he said carefully. "But there's nothing you can do right now except wait."
"Wait? And what if someone does try to kidnap me or harm me like you said?"
"I'll… I'll find you," he said, smiling. "Don't worry."
I sighed. His optimism was almost amusing, especially coming from the man who first warned me about being kidnapped.
After a brief silence, he said suddenly, "You know, I realized I don't actually know much about you."
I looked up. "Like what?"
"For starters, when's your birthday? How old are you?"
"I was born on the third month, twenty-first day."
"Wait, of which reign?"
"I… don't know. I was only taught the month and day. But I'm twenty now."
"Twenty? So your birthday was a month ago! Why didn't you say anything?"
"It wasn't important."
The conversation grew awkward after that. He kept glancing at me, and every time I looked back, I caught him staring before he quickly looked away. Eventually, we both retreated to our quarters, and the night ended quietly.
---
I woke up at dawn to a cold floor beneath my feet. Winter was creeping in.
After getting dressed in my usual men's clothes, I had breakfast and sat down to study. It didn't take long. Gao Ming's "assignments" were insultingly easy.
I could've finished them half-asleep. Which only reminded me that he didn't trust me enough to give me real work anymore.
And of course, my mind wandered back to Wei Fang again.
If Commander Wei Fang truly disliked me, if he was really as suspicious of me as everyone said—then why did he place me under Gao Ming in the first place? Why appoint me as Chief Strategist at all?
It doesn't make sense. The conflict between Bharat and China has lasted for decades. Wei Fang has fought in it; he's lived it. Men like him don't just forget that kind of hatred.
If that's the case, why would he ever let someone like me hold such an influential post—even as Renshu's student?
Unless…
Unless he did it to keep me close. To watch me through Gao Ming, who's too lenient for his own good. Maybe every "small" assignment I finish gets reported back to Wei Fang. Maybe he's studying my every move.
I shook my head. You're overthinking again, I told myself. It's only natural to feel isolated in a foreign land where no one truly trusts you.
Still, the thought gnawed at me.
I wanted to go for a walk, maybe see if the winter roses had started blooming yet. But stepping outside would mean enduring a thousand stares, and I wasn't in the mood to be a spectacle.
So I had Bao Qin deliver my letters to Lianyu instead. Pathetic, I know.
Even Yichen had been pestering me about his brother, Yixuan. I'd told him what little I could, but the guilt sat heavy. I hadn't seen Yixuan in over two months. Would he even let me into his workspace now?
I paced around my room, debating. Then, almost impulsively, I sat down in front of my small mirror, adjusted my makeup, and pinned up my hair with the red hairpin. The reflection that looked back at me was still me—but sharper, colder.
Maybe Renshu was right. I just had to live through it. But this—being trapped in these walls, suffocated by suspicion—wasn't living. It was survival.
"Where are you going, dear?" Bao Qin's voice called out behind me.
"Oh, to Gao Ming's place. I just need to borrow a book."
"But, Meilina, you can't—"
I slipped out before she could finish.
The air outside bit against my skin, but it was better than the silence inside. A few soldiers threw crude remarks my way as I passed. I ignored them.
After a few minutes, I finally reached the east wing. Yixuan's workstation should've been nearby… but for some reason, I couldn't remember which way. The pathways looked different. Rearranged, almost.
I turned left and found a row of storehouses. Wrong way. Turning right, only bare ground stretched ahead. No sign of him.
Walking back and forth I wished to ask a servant or a maid before realizing that it would only cause me more trouble.
I must've looked around a dozen times before spotting a man in uniform, same kind Yixuan used to wear. I followed him quietly as he walked south.
Eventually, the path opened into an empty clearing. And there it was, Yixuan's work station. Relief washed over me, and I quickened my steps.
Finally. Maybe I could—
"Yes, this is the Chief Strategist Aryan. Take him."
The words hit me like a blade.
I froze.