Chapter 4 - When Forgiveness Becomes Unnecessary
-Life is a series of disappointments, isn't it, Hero?
"…!"
The moment the Demon King's words flashed in his dream, Clay's eyes snapped open.
"Ugh..."
His head ached.
What had happened?
As he retraced his memories, the scene where he couldn't overcome his hunger and accepted food from Beatrice came to mind.
After eating it and asking her where she had disappeared to, he felt his vision blur.
He had lost consciousness then and woke up to his current state.
"Damn it."
It was a trap, after all.
That must be why he remembered the Demon King's words.
As Clay stirred, he suddenly paused.
"Huh...?"
It was soft.
His head wasn't on the bare ground.
Clay instinctively turned over, and his eyes met the hem of a skirt.
"Oh, gasp!"
Startled, Clay tried to get up but bumped his head.
"Ugh!"
"You're still as careless as ever, I see."
The place Clay bumped his head was Beatrice's forehead, as she was looking down at him.
Unlike Clay, she spoke with an unfazed expression.
"You're probably still tired, so lie down a bit longer."
"What... what did you do to me?"
"You stamped a brand mark to weaken the sealing circles inscribed by the priests. Using poison to counteract poison often causes side effects. I had no choice but to put you to sleep to balance your disturbed body."
"You... tried to heal my body?"
"I couldn't erase the priests' seals, so it's not healing. But now, with a little more rest, your body will feel comfortable."
At her words, Clay circulated his magic to diagnose his body's condition.
'This can't be...'
Her words were true.
Moving his magic was much easier.
The restrictions weren't completely gone, but this much would allow him to exhibit a certain level of combat power.
At least enough to handle intermediate-level monsters.
"Why..."
"Why?"
Looking down at Clay, who expressed his doubt, Beatrice smiled faintly.
"Because I pitied you."
"What?"
Clay made a bewildered expression.
"You pity me?"
"Yes, I suppose it's similar to the Demon King."
At those words, Clay frowned.
"The Demon King is different from me."
"Clay."
Beatrice asked in a soft tone.
"Can you really say your heart isn't tainted by darkness right now?"
"What do you mean..."
"Was the Demon King born a disaster from the start?"
At that question, Clay was momentarily speechless.
Then, he finally managed to open his mouth again.
"If you're trying to justify him, stop."
"I have no intention of doing that. I just want to tell you that there are times when everyone feels pitiful."
Beatrice placed a hand on Clay's forehead.
"W-what are you doing?"
"Because it'll hurt."
Beatrice gently stroked the spot where he had bumped his head when he tried to get up.
Instantly, Clay's lingering pain vanished as if by magic.
"As the progenitor, I can handle various attributes, but I'm not skilled in healing, so I apologize. I can't erase the sealing circles, so this is all I can do."
Seeing her apologize even while helping him, Clay wore a confused expression.
"What are you, exactly?"
The comrades he trusted had abandoned him, and the woman who was clearly his enemy sat by his side, protecting him.
"Why are you doing this?"
He couldn't understand.
It felt like his entire understanding of the world was being overturned.
"Clay."
Beatrice said softly.
"Why do you think I was in the Demon King's army?"
Clay couldn't answer.
He had naturally thought of her as evil, so he had never considered her circumstances.
"I was originally watching a man's journey. He was a brilliant demon. If he hadn't dreamed of love with a human and lost his lover, he probably would have lived a normal life."
She began to tell an unfamiliar story.
"Humans despised demons. They also despised humans who loved demons. That's how he lost his lover and cultivated his talents in a different direction."
"You don't mean..."
"It's a story you don't necessarily need to know. But I just want to tell you that I, too, was disappointed."
-Life is a series of disappointments.
"Even when my own kind was used as mere tools of war and annihilated, I stayed silent. But seeing what happened right beside me, even my own heart twisted. Even after living for eons, I was just a lump of emotions."
"You did something unforgivable."
"I don't intend to be forgiven, Clay."
Beatrice whispered to him in a calm tone.
"I truly just want to tell you. That everyone has moments of weakness. And that, suddenly, there are times when you'll feel regret."
She covered Clay's eyes with her hands.
In the darkness, Clay could only hear her voice.
"Clay, would you believe me if I said I regret it?"
"What?"
"Today, I was going to burn myself for the last time."
She had been staring blankly at the fire.
That was right.
It wasn't just a bonfire.
It was the Primordial Flame, capable of burning even her, who was known as the Calamity Fire that ascended from hell.
The flames crackling and burning the wood nearby were its offshoots, blossomed from it.
"It took a long time just to create the Primordial Log that would ignite the flames.
Today, I was just about to put in the last log, but then I saw you."
"You..."
"Clay. Can I ask you one thing?"
She removed her hands from Clay's eyes.
And she met his gaze with eyes that held a sadness even a Dragonkin who had lived for eons could not endure.
"Now, can I go in there?"
Beatrice was asking Clay about her fate.
"If I've done everything that was necessary for you, I intend to go."
She helped Clay stand up.
As he moved away from her warm, soft leg, only the flickering flames around him offered warmth.
"Thank you, Clay. It's a relief to have someone watch over my last moments."
She arbitrarily made him a witness to her death and stood up.
"Your journey might be tough, but try to live. You still have the 'right' to, don't you? Someday, you'll realize that was the most important thing."
With that, Beatrice walked toward the bonfire.
Clay stared blankly at her.
Just as she had been staring at the bonfire alone.
Crackling.
The bonfire's flames burst rapidly, like Clay's heartbeat.
Flicker.
The surrounding flames whipped around, bringing heat to Clay's face.
Thump.
Clay suddenly felt his stomach churn.
It was like he was having a bad dream.
His head, which had clearly been fine, began to ache again.
"..."
Clay, just like Beatrice had done, stood up.
And slowly, no, increasingly quickly, he followed after Beatrice's retreating figure.
Whoosh.
He caught her, who was about to enter the flames birthed by the Primordial Flame, and turned her around.
The flames that were about to touch Beatrice grazed harmlessly through the air.
"Not yet."
Looking at Beatrice, whose eyes were wide, Clay blurted out the first words that came to mind, words that he couldn't choose amongst, yet they burst forth.
"You haven't done everything that's necessary yet."
Clay himself didn't know what he was saying, so he just babbled, looking like he was about to break down.
"I need someone to watch over me, too."
The person he trusted had closed her eyes the moment he died.
Even though she had caused his death, she hadn't fully intended to bear the weight of it.
He was lonely.
To have to bear that injustice and sorrow alone in the moment of death.
"I don't need 'right' or 'qualification'."
Clay simply needed the warmth he had felt from her when he was lying down.
His past karma, all of that, had already been ignored when he was executed.
His conviction as a hero, that too had long vanished like dew on the gallows.
"Beatrice, I don't intend to die."
A new flame ignited in his heart.
"So you just live, too."
"I..."
"Don't be forgiven. Because I won't be forgiven either."
He said softly.
"Teach me how to live unforgiven."
A path he had never taken.
"Do it, even if you don't want to."
He grabbed Beatrice's arm.
"Otherwise, I'll be the last log."
At those words, Beatrice, who had been standing frozen, exhaled as if letting out a choked breath.
"You probably came back to life without turning to ash because you have the right to."
"Right is no different from a brand."
A life ordained to be lived that way, things like that.
"I'd rather regret it."
The strength in Clay's hand, which was holding Beatrice, faded.
He bowed his head, as if unable to overcome his indignation.
Beatrice watched Clay standing there, unable to say anything, merely falling silent.
And after a short time passed, just as she finally parted her lips.
"—They're here!"
A few Iser knights who had climbed the dune shouted as they saw them.