Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako pumayag.
Or maybe, I do.
Maybe it’s the way he said it, “Come with me to the office. You need a change of scenery.”
Like i’m some broken vase he’s trying to reposition para hindi obvious ang crack.
Or maybe kasi gusto ko lang ng katahimikan, and i knew he’d give me that.
Wala akong energy makipagbangayan sa kanya today. And honestly? I think i just wanted to see how long he can keep pretending like we’re not a ticking time bomb.
I stepped out of his car wearing an oversized blazer na hindi ko alam kung sa’kin ba o sa kanya. Sleek black trousers, shades na halos mas malaki pa sa mukha ko, and heels na mas mataas pa sa EQ ko when i’m mad. I walked inside Valencia & Co. like i owned the damn place.
And everyone…
froze.
Like literal statues.
The receptionist, the interns, even that one guy carrying coffee trays, nabitawan niya ‘yung isa. Nag-splatter pa sa sahig. I didn’t even blink.
"Good morning, Ma’am," sabi ng isa sa mga HR heads na parang napilitan pang ngumiti habang nilapitan kami ni Calix.
Pero hindi ako sumagot.
I just looked at her, head to toe. Wala akong sinabi pero i saw her swallow nervously.
Good.
Let them feel uncomfortable.
Parang ganito talaga lagi.
Whenever i’m in a room, people either try too hard or don't try at all.
But either way, nobody relaxes.
Nobody breathes.
Calix cleared his throat beside me. "My wife will be staying in my office for the day."
Wife.
That word again.
I heard it.
Loud and clear.
But it didn’t feel like it belonged to me.
He guided me to the elevator, one hand on my lower back. Familiar, steady. Nakakainis.
“You okay?” tanong niya habang nagdedecline ‘yung floors.
“Do i look like i’m okay?”
He didn’t answer.
Pero ngumiti siya.
That stupid, calm, I-know-you-too-well kind of smile.
Calix’s office was... cold.
Not in temperature, pero sa ambiance.
Parang wala masyadong sentimental touch. Except for one framed photo on his shelf, kami ‘yun.
From six years ago.
I looked younger, and ironically, happier.
“I thought you threw that away,” I said, eyes still on the photo.
“I never throw things i care about.”
I looked at him sharply, pero hindi siya umiwas ng tingin.
Don’t. Don’t start. Don’t make this hard.
He pulled a chair for me and i sat without a word.
Kinuha niya pa ‘yung coat ko and hung it.
Ang OA mo, Calix.
You’re not my husband.
Not really.
“Wala ka bang meeting?” tanong ko, trying to change the subject.
“Cancelled them all.”
“Why?”
“So i can be here with you.”
Nakakainis. Kasi hindi ko alam kung paano pa ba dapat magalit kapag ganyan siya.
He's trying. And i see it.
“Do your people always look that... scared?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“They say you look like you eat souls for breakfast.”
I smirked.
“They’re not wrong.”
Calix chuckled. “No. They’re not.”
Nagtagal kami sa office niya the whole morning.
Hindi kami masyado nag-usap.
Nag-work siya, nagbabasa ako.
Hindi ko nga alam kung ano binabasa ko—some brochure i found on his table, then a Forbes magazine, then an article about equine therapy of all things.
Kahit ano basta wag lang siya tignan.
Kasi the way he looks at me now...
Parang he's trying to remember who i used to be.
And who i’m becoming.
Lunch came.
Ayoko sana pero he insisted.
Dinala niya ako sa rooftop garden ng building nila, a hidden space with bamboo walls, a koi pond, and a glass canopy. It was calm. Unusual. Pretty.
We sat across each other.
May steak, may salmon, and of course, may wine.
This bastard knows me too well.
“I remember you used to hate rooftop dates,” he said.
“I hated dates in general.”
He laughed. “No, you didn’t. You just pretended to.”
I narrowed my eyes. “So you think you know everything about me?”
“No. But i never stopped trying.”
Putangina.
Don’t say things like that.
Hindi mo pwedeng sabihin ‘yan ngayon.
Nagkibit-balikat ako. "Then maybe you should’ve tried harder six years ago."
His smile faltered, and for once, tahimik siya.
Tumama ang hangin sa mukha ko, malamig, pero hindi sapat para alisin ang tension sa pagitan naming dalawa.
I cut into my salmon. Slowly. Carefully. Just so i’d have an excuse not to look up.
“Six years ago,” he finally said. “I was… a mess.”
“And i was what, a rehab center?”
“No. You were my peace. But i didn’t know how to hold peace back then. I only knew chaos.”
I drank my wine para lang may gawin ako. Hindi ko siya tiningnan, but i knew he was watching me. Palagi naman. It’s like he memorized all the ways i flinch.
The way i raise my eyebrow pag naiinis ako. The way i press my lips pag may gustong sabihin pero pinipigilan.
Ang sama-sama niya noon.
Pero ang hirap pa rin hindi mahalin ‘yung version niya ngayon.
“I don’t want to fight today,” he added. “I just want to… be.”
“And you want me to ‘be’ with you?”
“Only if you want to.”
I finally looked at him. He looked calm, pero yung mata niya? Hindi nagbago.
Parang palagi pa ring may kinikimkim. Pain, regret, longing, lahat ng ayaw ko nang maramdaman pero nararamdaman ko pa rin.
“This isn’t real,” I told him. “Tayo. This. We’re married on paper, Calix. That’s it.”
“I know.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“I’m not.”
"But if that's all i can have right now, then I’ll take it."
I swallowed hard.
I wasn’t expecting that.
Not from him.
Not from someone who used to walk away the second things got hard.
Pagbalik namin sa office, mas tahimik na ang paligid. As in dead air.
Dumaan kami sa hallway at literal na may assistant na napayuko.
Parang presence ko palang ay HR case na.
“Do they think i’ll eat them alive?” tanong ko habang pinipigilan ang ngiti.
“Probably.”
“I like that.”
“I know.”
Pagpasok namin sa office niya, may nakaabang na folder sa mesa niya. Hindi ko na tinanong. Pero binasa ko ‘yung sticky note na naka-attach:
Meeting with R&D moved to Friday. Client pitch resched to next week. Your wife scares everyone but she’s hot, so okay lang. —Mariel
I raised an eyebrow. “Mariel?”
“My EA.”
“Tell her i’m not above firing someone else's employee.”
He laughed. “You’re not even from this company.”
“Details.”
The afternoon went by fast.
Maybe because it didn’t feel like a typical day.
For once, tahimik ang utak ko.
Hindi ako nagpa-panic.
Hindi ako nag-iisip kung anong next move ko sa buhay.
I was just… there. Existing.
Breathing the same air as him.
Sitting five feet away from the man who once broke my heart and is now slowly, quietly, stitching it back.
Around 4PM, he stood up and walked over to me.
“Come with me.”
“Where?”
He didn’t answer.
He just offered his hand.
I stared at it.
“Calix…”
“I’m not kidnapping you. I just want to show you something.”
Sighing, I took it.
Stupid, reckless, emotional me took his damn hand.