(1)
Unlike in summer, the sunlight in winter is more or less deceptive. Having seen how sunny it is outside and decided to go out without your scarf and gloves, you can easily forget to give up the air conditioner inside your office. So when I come back and put the four brown paper bags full of takeout food on the table, I've already been too cold to care if the food needs heating up or not.
"Guys, can we just order our lunch on food-delivery apps next time?" I put my hands into my pockets and hunch my shoulders, stamping my feet to keep warm. "The wind was literally killing me."
"Sure." Lulu takes off her headset and swivels to look at me. "Unless we forget to do that in advance… like today."
"Finally. My sweetheart! I'm starving." Chao trots to me from his cubicle and gives me a tight hug. "Which bag is mine?"
"You and I share the first one. The rest of the three bags are all for Lulu and Kai." Chao is the man I've known since the first day I came to this company. Though I'm responsible for language teaching research while he's a programmer and works in another department, we became good friends. But if he hugged me like this in ordinary times, I'd definitely push him away. But the hug just feels so warm at this moment, so I just let him.
Chao loosens his arms to look at Lulu and Kai, who are walking toward us, and asks, "Are you guys pigs? You eat so much!"
"So why the hell are you working with pigs? Huh? What are you then, my dear?" I love it when Lulu and Chao roast each other. Chao never wins, yet he never gives up, either.
"You guys remember the last time Lulu and I went to Australia together?" As he opens one of their bags, Kai says, "We once went to a seafood restaurant by the Brisbane River. After ordering, the waiter asked us if we were still waiting for some friends. Some."
"That's why you two make a great couple." I laugh and say.
"Kai, you know you don't have to tell them this." Lulu rolls her eyes, then manages a smile at me.
Kai sticks out his tongue secretly and snaps a pair of chopsticks apart. No one knows since when these two have been together, but when it finally dawned on us, they'd already got couples' rings, watches, phone cases, and, of course, WeChat avatars. But it's OK working with them, for they aren't one of those clingy couples that live every day like it's their last. They seem sensible enough to know where to draw the line at work. But I sometimes have to squelch the urge to smile by biting my cheek when they're arguing fiercely during some morning meetings over stuff like which paragraph of an article should be adopted as our teaching materials. Will they resume the argument if it's brought up somehow when they Netflix and chill at night?
"Anyway, how did your blind date go, Yang?" asks Kai.
"It was… ahem…" I didn't expect the question. "Not bad… not good… It was OK. Do you guys think we need to heat up the soup? It's almost cold."
"Cut it out, Yang. It didn't go well, did it?" Lulu draws her chair nearer to me and asks, "What went wrong?"
I don't really wanna talk about it, mainly because they haven't known I'm gay. So I guess I have to make something up. "Because… the coffee at JERRYS COFFEE didn't taste good… Ha… ha-ha…"
"JERRYS COFFEE?" She asks. "Why didn't you go to ACE? It's just right opposite the coffeehouse. It's said that the food there is great."
"You know what, Lulu? I've sort of accepted the fact that everyone knows that restaurant." Though I still don't get the reason, I'm happy that we're done discussing my blind date.
"Listen up." She rests her chopsticks on the side of the bento box. "A friend of mine told me the food there was great, especially the beefsteak; I've never tried it though. But I went past it last week; you guys know what I found surprising about that restaurant? Here's a clue, it's not even about food." Then she leans forward, staring at us one by one mysteriously, waiting for us to join her game.
"I dunno. A talking bull flew out of the kitchen crying for help?" I shrug. "You better tell us something really juicy."
"The bartender there is super hot!" She taps the table in excitement. "He was leaning against the wall outside and smoking when I walked by."
"So… you mean I should've gone on my first-ever blind date there… for the reason… that the bartender is super hot. OK, give me some time to take your point, please." Wait a minute, who is she talking about? How many bartenders are there at ACE in total? The sudden nerves nearly nauseate me.
"Seriously??" Chao seems intrigued with that sparkle in his eyes. By the way, Chao has come out, and sometimes when he talks about his stories and the love-hate relationship between him and his ex-boyfriends in front of us, I do feel a little envious. I know they will be open-minded enough to accept my orientation as well, but I keep feeling like the timing isn't right. Anyhow, Chao may locate me one day with his gaydar.
"Seriously. He's like… 185cm tall at least, crew cut, hook nose… He was in that bartending outfit which looked a little loose, but I could still see the contours of his body…" Lulu frowns a little, trying her best to recall, her hands circling unconsciously in the air, making the gesture a guy often uses when describing the big boobs he's just seen to his friends.
I'm not sure if now is the right time to tell them I may know the hot guy they are talking about. So I say in a joking tone, "Lulu, I think we should talk about this when Kai isn't around," trying to quickly steer the conversation away.
Maybe I don't say it right, however, neither Kai nor Lulu laughs. Kai just stops eating to look at the other, who then gives him a slight nod like tacit approval.
"Actually…" Kai says slowly, "we broke up…"
Chao and I look at each other. I can tell Chao is as shocked as I am from his did-you-know-that look.
"When?" asks Chao.
"Three months ago, I guess?" Lulu answers calmly while rubbing her chopsticks together to get rid of the wood splinters on them.
"Oh my goodness, we must've joked a lot about you two since then." I say. "I feel really sorry."
"Come on, guys. You know it's not your fault. We're the ones who decided not to tell you." Kai pats my shoulder. "It's OK. We are still friends. Coworkers at least. You know after Johnny Galecki and Kaley Cuoco broke up, they are still Leonard and Penny, right?"
"Yeah – So, you guys are alright now?" I look at Lulu, then back to Kai.
"I mean, you guys didn't even notice we'd broken up, did you?" Lulu chuckles and shrugs. "So, no kidding, do tell me that bartender's phone number if you happen to know it somewhere… somehow."
"Or you can give it to me." Chao winks at me, "Just in case…"
"No fucking way!" Lulu turns to Chao and points at him with her chopsticks. "Don't tell me he's gay. Why do beautiful boys always have to be gay? It's unfair."
"Hey. Kai doesn't look bad!" Chao fends off Lulu's chopsticks with his. "Anyway, everybody swings… both ways… The bully, the bigot, the blah blah, the blah blah… 🎵 So who knows."
I almost choke on my saliva. It's Swings Both Ways by Robbie Williams featuring Rufus Wainwright. Chenhui would give me an eyebrow flash and smile secretly with me now if he were here with us.
(2)
The sun has gone down when I climb out of the taxi. I was gonna go back home to prepare the presentation on the winter vacation lesson plans I'm gonna give the next morning, but I said "ACE" without a second thought when the driver asked me where I was heading. I don't wanna deny I said it only because I wanted to see if he knew where the restaurant was. As it turned out, he not only knew it but also suggested that I shouldn't go there today if I hadn't made a reservation earlier because the restaurant always drew a large crowd with its big discount offered in the middle of the week. He asked me if I wanted him to make a U-turn so that I could get off right in front of ACE. I said no anyway. It must be embarrassing if Lee's smoking outside again and asks me what brought me here. So here I am, standing on the exact spot where I talked too loudly about my own secret a couple of days ago. The sign that reads JERRYS COFFEE is now in neon white, echoing the sign of ACE in the same color, but only bigger and brighter, on the other side of the road. I know it's kind of late, and a cup of coffee may keep me awake all night long, but my feelings of guilt about telling my coworkers that the coffee here didn't taste good without having tried anything before makes me pull the door open and get in.
It's pretty warm, and there are still many tables available inside, but I still choose to sit outside after I've got my flat white. I took off my gloves when I was paying the bill, but the paper cup I'm holding right now, even with a cup sleeve on, is warm enough to keep the cold away from my hands. If I were three or four years younger, I would've ordered an iced coffee. But now I think I've reached the age when I don't bother to try everything only to show how young I am.
I sip a little bit. It really sucks, even more than my instant coffee at home. Some students get out of the coffeehouse and pass me, complaining the pop quiz they took today covered a lot of things they haven't learned yet. I sigh, not only for the good old time when I was a student but also with the disappointment over the fact that the uniform of our high school hasn't changed at all.
Carefully rolling the cup in my palms in case the coffee spills, I stare at the restaurant opposite the road. I still remember what it looked like when it was the bar called The Joker's. Its red brick wall, its green neon sign, and its dim light inside. But I don't really remember if the poster on the wall was Harry Potter or Kung Fu Panda when Chenhui and I went there for the last time. Maybe he's forgotten that, either. Who'd remember that anyway?
The light inside is much brighter now, and several waiters and waitresses are busy moving briskly between tables holding wine or trays. However, I don't see Lee through the window or at the bar counter. I look at my watch. It's almost half past 7, and he might've already gone home. He's just part-time, after all. Since the day I re-added him on my WeChat, he hasn't said anything or posted anything on his Moments. So what's the deal now? Should I say anything first? Is the ball in my court? If so, I hope it won't take longer than he thinks for me to say hello. Anyway, none of my friends has become friends again with their exes, so I'm not entirely positive that it'll work out well for Lee and me, especially when we didn't break up on good terms. Oh, wait. How could I forget Kai and Lulu?
Either Chao or I asked them the reason why they split up, and I still don't know if the two of them really are friends as they told us today, but at least it seems they're trying to figure out a way to get along. Maybe it's time that I figured out a way to get along with Lee. After all, it's been ages since college.
A shiver suddenly runs through me, then I realize the coffee in my hand has gone cold. So I stand up and hail the first taxi I see.
I was hopelessly furious yesterday because, as Lee predicted at the party, mom set me up on another blind date happening this Sunday. But I even feel a little thrilled about it now. Because I think I'll WeChat Lee tonight to tell him I'll do it at ACE this time. I mean, why not? It may be fun. If he asks me how I've made up my mind, I'll say… I am really curious about the ribeye there. In the noise of the radio, I smile, shaking my head. No one else, but I know that I'm just fooling myself here. I don't even like beef. Even though I constantly make fun of myself for getting older, something about me has never changed: always finding myself some ridiculous excuses just in order to see someone for a second time. Anyways, befriending Lee could be the start of my new life thing, couldn't it?