Two weeks after the university transformation, Alex was sitting in what appeared to be the world's most politely terrifying conference room, deep within a federal building whose location he'd been asked not to remember and whose purpose he'd been told was "maintaining national stability through the careful study of unusual phenomena."
The room contained more people in expensive suits than Alex had ever seen in one place, along with his usual support team of Socrates (wearing a tiny American flag pin), Dr. Martinez (now officially designated as "Senior Scientific Liaison"), Riley (appointed "Director of Positive Chaos Management"), and surprisingly, Spinoza, who had been transported in what appeared to be a specially designed mobile cotton candy platform that someone in the government had commissioned for "therapeutic consultation purposes."
"I AM HONORED TO SERVE MY COUNTRY THROUGH THE PROVISION OF EMOTIONALLY SUPPORTIVE CONFECTIONS," Spinoza had spelled out in red, white, and blue cotton candy upon arrival.
The meeting was being led by Director Sarah Harrison from what she'd introduced as "the Department of Beneficial Anomaly Assessment," which sounded official enough that Alex didn't question whether it was a real government agency or something that had been created specifically to deal with his situation.
"Mr. Sterling," Director Harrison began, consulting a file folder thick enough to be used as a defensive weapon, "in the past month, your influence has resulted in what we're classifying as 'cascading systemic improvements' across multiple sectors in your state. Educational institutions are reporting unprecedented student engagement and academic outcomes. Municipal services are operating with efficiency levels that our analysts describe as 'theoretically impossible.' Small businesses are experiencing growth rates that violate several economic models. And we've documented seventeen separate instances of what can only be described as 'spontaneous infrastructure repair.'"
"Is that... a problem?" Alex asked, trying not to think about how his glow was making the serious federal conference room look like a disco designed by someone with very optimistic ideas about government efficiency.
"That's what we're trying to determine," said a man who'd been introduced only as "Agent Carter from Strategic Assessment." He looked like he'd been professionally trained to remain calm during supernatural events, which Alex was beginning to realize was probably a real job requirement in certain government circles.
"The challenge," Director Harrison continued, "is that your influence appears to be expanding beyond state boundaries. We've got reports of 'unusual positive developments' in neighboring states, particularly in areas with strong economic or educational connections to your region."
Dr. Martinez, who had been taking readings with what appeared to be a significantly more advanced version of her usual equipment, looked up from her tablet with excitement barely contained by professional protocol. "Director, the data suggests that Alex's influence spreads through networks of human connection and shared purpose. As people who've experienced the beneficial effects travel, communicate, or collaborate with others, they carry a small echo of the optimization field with them."
"Meaning what, exactly?" Agent Carter asked.
"Meaning that beneficial change is spreading across the country through normal human interaction, creating a network of improved outcomes that's growing exponentially."
The room fell silent as everyone processed the implications of Dr. Martinez's statement.
"So," Alex said slowly, "I'm accidentally creating a nationwide network of people who make things better just by being around other people?"
"That appears to be correct," Director Harrison confirmed. "Which brings us to why you're here. Mr. Sterling, we need to understand whether this phenomenon represents an opportunity or a threat to national stability."
Socrates, who had been listening with patient interest, adjusted his tiny flag pin and cleared his throat with the dignity of an elephant who understood the weight of civic responsibility.
"Director Harrison," Socrates said, "might I suggest that you are approaching this question from the wrong direction?"
"How so?"
"You are asking whether Alex's influence is good or bad for the country. But perhaps the more relevant question is: what kind of country would be threatened by the spread of beneficial change, and what kind of country would be strengthened by it?"
Agent Carter leaned forward. "Are you suggesting that the nature of our governmental systems will determine how this phenomenon affects national stability?"
"I am suggesting," Socrates replied with philosophical precision, "that systems designed to serve people will be enhanced by Alex's influence, while systems designed to serve themselves may find that influence... challenging to accommodate."
"THE ELEPHANT SPEAKS WISDOM," Spinoza added in cotton candy letters that somehow managed to look patriotic and philosophical simultaneously. "SWEETNESS REVEALS THE TRUE NATURE OF WHAT IT TOUCHES. SYSTEMS BUILT ON GENUINE CARE FOR HUMAN WELLBEING BECOME SWEETER. SYSTEMS BUILT ON OTHER PRIORITIES... DO NOT."
Director Harrison consulted her folder again. "That's... actually consistent with our preliminary findings. Departments and agencies focused on public service are reporting improved efficiency and employee satisfaction. But we've also identified some... resistance... in sectors where profit maximization or bureaucratic control takes precedence over public benefit."
"What kind of resistance?" Alex asked, though he suspected he already knew the answer.
"Let's just say that certain industries and administrative structures are experiencing what they describe as 'disruptive optimization pressures,'" Agent Carter explained diplomatically. "Systems that rely on artificial scarcity, planned obsolescence, or deliberately inefficient processes are finding those approaches increasingly... untenable... in areas where your influence has spread."
Riley, who had been uncharacteristically quiet during the formal proceedings, suddenly perked up. "Wait, are you saying that Alex is accidentally making it harder for companies and government agencies to deliberately do bad jobs?"
"That's a very simplified way to put it," Director Harrison said, "but not entirely inaccurate."
Alex felt that familiar warm sensation in his chest, accompanied by his usual brightening glow. The federal conference room began to feel more welcoming, the fluorescent lights became warmer, and several of the officials sitting around the table visibly relaxed.
"So what happens now?" Alex asked. "Do I get arrested for accidentally improving things? Do I have to stop helping people? Do I need to register as some kind of national resource?"
Director Harrison smiled—the first genuine expression of warmth Alex had seen from her since the meeting began. "Mr. Sterling, after extensive analysis and consultation with various departments, agencies, and advisory committees, the federal government's official position on your activities is as follows: please continue doing exactly what you're doing."
"Really?"
"Really. We're prepared to offer you official status as a 'National Consultant for Systemic Optimization,' along with full federal support for expanding your beneficial influence as widely and rapidly as possible."
Agent Carter nodded. "Our analysis suggests that the net benefit to national wellbeing, economic stability, and social cohesion far outweighs any disruption to systems that were probably due for improvement anyway."
"THIS IS THE MOST SENSIBLE GOVERNMENT DECISION I HAVE EVER WITNESSED," Spinoza declared in stars-and-stripes cotton candy. "I AM PRODUCING CELEBRATORY FLAVORS THAT TASTE LIKE COMPETENT PUBLIC ADMINISTRATION."
Dr. Martinez looked up from her tablet with readings that suggested her instruments were having their own celebration. "Alex, according to these measurements, making the decision to accept federal support just expanded your influence to cover... well, all of it."
"All of what?"
"All of it. The entire national governmental and economic network. Congratulations—you just accidentally became responsible for optimizing an entire country."
Alex looked around the room at the expectant faces of federal officials who were asking him to accept responsibility for accidentally improving everything.
"You know," he said finally, "six months ago, my biggest responsibility was remembering to water a plant that kept dying anyway. Now you're asking me to accidentally optimize the United States of America."
"Is that a problem?" Director Harrison asked.
Alex thought about the circus family that had become his support system, the philosophical elephant who had become his mentor, the cotton candy machine that dispensed wisdom along with sugar, and all the people whose lives had become better simply because he'd shown up with good intentions and no predetermined plan.
"Not a problem," Alex said, his glow intensifying until the room looked like it was lit by the world's most optimistic chandelier. "But I'm going to need a bigger circus."
The room erupted in what could only be described as professionally enthusiastic applause, and somewhere in the distance, Alex could swear he heard the sound of an entire nation's worth of systems deciding to get better at their jobs.
Riley leaned over and whispered, "Alex, I think we're going to need to update our business cards."