Chapter 4: The Thanksgiving Debacle & The Holiday Heist
Thanksgiving arrived in a glorious, chaotic explosion of conflicting traditions. Adam found himself bracing for a double-header: Captain Holt's notoriously terrible, yet mandatory, precinct Thanksgiving lunch, followed by the equally chaotic, but infinitely more heartwarming, gathering with the HIMYM gang.
First up, the 99th. Holt's Thanksgiving was a meticulous, joyless affair, featuring dry turkey, unsalted mashed potatoes, and a general atmosphere of polite dread. Jake, of course, was already twitching with suppressed energy.
"Alright, Adam," Jake whispered, leaning over during one of Holt's interminable historical anecdotes about the origins of gravy. "This is it. The Annual Thanksgiving Heist. Are you in? Are you Team Jake, or Team Amy, or are you a silent assassin for Holt?"
Adam surveyed the room, a slow smirk spreading across his face. "Ah, the heist. A classic. Let's see how much chaos I can subtly inject into this."
"Jake," Adam replied in a low voice, "my loyalty is to the truth. And the truth is, this gravy needs serious help. As for the heist, I'm more of a neutral observer, a purveyor of precise, unhelpful commentary. Consider me the detached narrator of your impending doom."
The heist began, as always, with a ridiculous challenge. This year, it was the "Gobble Gobble Games," a series of pointless, over-the-top physical challenges designed to win a coveted "Championship Belt." Adam watched as Jake, Amy, Rosa, and Charles threw themselves into it with gusto, while Terry fretted about safety.
During one particularly convoluted challenge involving balancing pumpkins while reciting the Preamble to the Constitution, Adam leaned over to Rosa. "You know," he murmured, "if you pivot from the hip instead of the knee on the 'more perfect Union' line, you'd get better torque. Just a thought."
Rosa shot him a sharp glance, then, surprisingly, tried it. Her pumpkin wobbled less. She almost imperceptibly nodded.
Later, during the "Turkey Carving Face-Off" (which Holt insisted was "a display of primal mastery"), Adam offered Jake a quiet tip. "If you make the first cut against the grain, Jake, you'll actually get more slices. And less personal injury. Just a basic forensic principle, really." Jake, surprisingly, listened, and actually managed to carve a semi-decent slice.
Jake's POV: "Adam is the ultimate cheat code for Thanksgiving! He just whispers little things, and suddenly I'm not terrible at turkey carving! He's like a sarcastic, helpful ghost who floats around giving amazing advice. Best Thanksgiving ever, even if Holt is still Holt."
[System Status Log: B99 Thanksgiving Heist: Successfully Navigated. Contributed to strategic chaos.]
After surviving the stoic cheer of the 99th, Adam migrated to Marshall and Lily's apartment, where the air was thick with the scent of actual good food, warm laughter, and the familiar, comforting chaos of the HIMYM gang.
"Adam!" Marshall bellowed, pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. "You made it! We were worried you'd be stuck in a Holt-induced existential crisis!"
"I briefly considered becoming a mime," Adam admitted, extracting himself. "But the lack of sarcastic internal monologue felt limiting."
The evening was everything the 99th wasn't: loud, messy, and full of genuine affection. Lily, ever the astute observer, gave Adam a knowing look. "So, you brought Emma to the 99th Thanksgiving? How did that go? Did she try to unionize the leftovers?"
Adam chuckled. "No, but she did ask Holt if his stoicism was a performance art piece. He remained unmoved. As for the leftovers, they were… sparse. Mostly because Jake tried to turn a turkey drumstick into a nunchaku."
Ted, meanwhile, looked forlorn. "I just wish I had someone to bring to Thanksgiving. Someone who understood the true artistry of carving a perfect turkey, not just hacking at it like a barbarian."
Adam gave Ted a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "Ted, the universe has a funny way of bringing people into your life. Sometimes it's a grand romantic gesture involving a yellow umbrella, sometimes it's just showing up to a random bar because the beer's cheap. Just keep your eyes open. And maybe learn to carve a turkey, just in case."
He spent a quiet moment with Emma later that night, discussing their holiday plans. "Christmas with my family is always… an event," Emma said, a wry smile. "But I was hoping, maybe, for a quiet Christmas with just us? We could watch terrible holiday movies, drink hot chocolate, and dissect the socio-economic implications of Santa's workshop."
Adam's heart warmed. "That sounds, frankly, ideal. Far less chance of me having to explain why a forensic consultant knows the exact chemical composition of reindeer droppings."
[Relationship Status: Dating Emma Watson. Duration: 29 days.][System Status: Adam is fully integrated into both social circles. His relationship with Emma provides a comfortable anchor amidst the chaos.]