The Western blinked.
Then blinked again.
Grass. Trees. Birds. Fresh air.
Too much fresh air.
He groaned, pushing himself upright as he stared at a sky entirely free of Wi-Fi signals. His body ached like he'd rage quit yoga and faceplanted into a mattress made of disappointment.
SYSTEM INITIALIZED.
Welcome, User: The Western.
Current Quest: Don't Die Before Sunrise.
Bonus Objective: Try Not to Offend Anyone Before Breakfast. Good Luck.
"What the…?" he muttered, swiping at the floating blue pop-up in front of him.
Nothing happened.
He waved again—slower this time, like maybe it was a hologram powered by regret. Still there. Still glowing. Still mocking him.
Hint: That's not how interfaces work anymore. Please adapt.
He looked down at himself. Pajamas. His favorite "Midnight Tacos are Sacred" tee had mysteriously turned into something that looked suspiciously like ancient robes. They even shimmered like someone cranked the saturation filter.
"Oh no," he whispered. "I've been isekai'd."
A shadow fell across him.
He looked up.
A girl in jade-green robes stood nearby, arms folded, a blade at her hip and a smirk playing on her lips. Her long braid swung lazily behind her as she raised a single, judgmental eyebrow.
"You the new guy?" she asked, unimpressed.
The Western blinked. Then smiled.
"Depends. Do you have tacos?"
There was a long silence. A very long silence. Birds stopped chirping. Somewhere, a leaf gave up and fell out of sheer awkwardness.
"No," she said flatly.
"Then I guess I'm the new guy."
Achievement Unlocked: Social Interaction (Barely).
+1 Awkward Silence.
They walked.
Well, she walked. The Western stumbled after her, marveling at how even the dirt looked exotic. The path wound through a bamboo forest that, he was fairly certain, had never been rendered in Unreal Engine.
"So," he ventured, "you're like, my tutorial NPC?"
Juni shot him a look. "What?"
"You know. Guide. Handler. Grumpy best friend with hidden trauma?"
She sighed. "I'm your assigned sect liaison. Temporary. Very temporary."
"So... handler with side quests. Got it."
Quest Accepted: Don't Get Smacked by Juni.
Difficulty: Impossible.
Estimated Time Until First Strike: 03:27 minutes.
They reached a small hill, and at the top sat a sprawling monastery carved into the mountainside. Flags flapped dramatically. Incense curled from pagoda roofs. Somewhere, a gong sounded with the solemnity of a thousand unpaid interns.
The Western leaned forward. "Wow. This whole place screams stream background."
"You talk weird," Juni muttered.
"I talk brand," he corrected.
She stared at him.
WARNING: Sarcasm Levels Approaching Dangerous Threshold.
System Cooldown Recommended.
At the entrance gate, an elderly man awaited them, hands folded, beard majestic, and scowl deeply embedded like a scar on his soul. His eyes pierced straight through The Western's soul and into the recesses of his browser history.
"Master Buck," Juni said with a bow.
The Western followed suit—or tried to. He bent too low, wobbled, and headbutted a stone lantern. It wobbled. Then toppled.
You have triggered: Minor Property Damage!
Sect Reputation: -0.3
The old man raised a single eyebrow. "This is the… recruit?"
"Allegedly," Juni said.
The Western rubbed his forehead. "Okay, look, it's my first day. I'm not technically trained in bowing yet."
Buck grunted. "What's your name?"
"I go by 'The Western.' It's a brand thing."
Another pause.
"I see," Buck said, clearly not seeing anything at all.
System Note: You are now officially recognized as 'The Western.' This decision is irreversible. Probably.
Later, after an awkward scroll-signing ceremony where he may or may not have accidentally sealed a vow to always clean the sect outhouse on Thursdays, The Western was shown to his "starter quarters."
Which was a shed.
With a leaky roof.
And a poster of a muscular monk with "Believe in Your Inner Qi" taped to the wall.
He collapsed onto the straw mat, letting out a groan that echoed with the dramatic intensity of a rejected anime protagonist.
Current Status: Confused. Underqualified. Mildly Concussed.
Tutorial Begins Tomorrow. Try Not to Explode.
Just before he drifted off to sleep, he heard the system whisper:
New Title Earned: Spiritual Newbie.
Bonus Title: Walking Bug Report.
End of Chapter 1