The joint. The clink. The can. The big house. Call it what you want, prison is prison. But beyond the occasional shivings, we are a family here. A community. We've got the usual suspects; rapists, murderers, thieves, gangsters and serial killers. Trust me no discrimination exists behind these walls; we are all inmates. Having only been here a few months, one thing is already clear, these aren't bad people. They're just men who found themselves in unfortunate circumstances. If blame belongs anywhere, it's with the system—the government, the politicians, THE MAN. The real criminals sit behind desks, dressed in suits, hiding their lies, their thefts, their crimes beneath a veneer of legitimacy. Somehow, a tailored jacket makes their crimes acceptable. But I know the truth and now so will you.
The name Micky and I've decided to share the stories of these men I now call family.
We begin with Little Johnny, the cell block's culinary maestro. His name? Pure irony. If he were a wizard, the frying pan would be his wand. The man could make a cockroach taste like shrimp, turn a rat into chicken. A chef of impossible alchemy and I'm telling you there's no way he's guilty of anything.
Micky: "Little Johnny, buongiorno!".
Little J: "Buona giornata anche a te, Micky".
Micky: "I know you're a busy man, but I'd love to interview you".
Little J: "Interview?"
Micky: "Yes".
Little J: "No man, I no ratto".
Micky: "No, my good signore, this isn't about snitching. It's about exposing the Man, the system".
Micky: "Okay... can do that".
Little Johnny has agreed to be the first voice against the man, he is set to make history.
Micky: "Tell me your story brother, and how the man took away your freedom?".
Little J: "Well I came to this country when I was just fifteen years old. My mother taught me how to cook, so I just wanted people to appreciate my talent and to share my love for good food".
Micky: "True, true".
Little J: "So I opened up a little meat joint in little Italy, where I sold all kinds of meat you know. From Ossobuco to Braciole. I poured my heart into that place. One day police came with warrant, toss my place up and arrested me. The judge took one good look and said guilty".
Micky: "That's the man at work brother, they hate hard working men like yourself. I can personally testify to your skill with the spatula, a Pure artistry".
Little J: "That means a lot, Thank you. But it's all about the meat, you know. Gotta let them scream a bit. That way when you slice them, they got no energy to scream anymore".
Micky: "Huh, That's… certainly unique. So how do you acquire your meat? pretty sure it's not from the warden".
Little J: "Meat's everywhere, Micky. You just gotta know how to choose".
Micky: "You know I will never forget the first time I had your meat soup, soup Tobey you called it".
Little J:" Ah Yes, one of my finest work"
.
Micky: "You know, funny thing, Tobey escaped that same day. How unlucky can a man be, missing out on the best dish of his life, named after him? Hehe, the universe has a twisted sense of humor".
Little J: "Oh no, no. Tobey didn't escape, he did try though".
Micky: "Hehe, yeah, I bet he did… Wait, what do you mean?".
Little J: "Tobey tried to run. But I had plans for him".
Micky: "What plans?".
Little J: "For soup"
Micky: "Soup?"
Little J: "Soup Tobey, Tobey is soup"
Micky: "You put Tobey in the soup?, you saying I ate Tobey?".
Little: No, no.
Micky: "Oh, thank you God, hehe you nearly had me there, phew!".
Little J: "No, no I'm saying we ate Tobey".
Micky: What the!...
Surprise, surprise. Turns out Little Johnny, was a little psycho. After I reported him to the warden, they found Tobey's head in the freezer. The sick bastard was convicted on twelve counts of murder and cannibalism. He was kidnapping homeless men, using them as meat for his restaurant. Damn it, you see what the system does?. Guys like this belong in an asylum. Not in here. Not with the decent souls of this prison.
I will now go find a real victim of the system.