The entrance was quiet. With the opening rush over, a small pack of valets stood by the side of the mansion, smoking and laughing together as they waited for customers to come out and request their vehicles. Tessa, however, waited at the podium, keeping guard over the precious stash of keys. She waved happily as the car slowed to a halt. Talon quickly opened the door, and the group headed past the opossum woman and went inside.
The bar was crowded. Asmodeus was playing his bassoon tonight, while a woodwind trio accompanied, creating a surreal, magical backdrop for the beastfolk on the dance floor. Kev nodded at Skippy and Twitch as he passed, but Fang was making a beeline for the booth. Kev could only hear the faintest bit of Twitch's rapid, whispered voice asking if Talon knew about the fashion show.
Kev took his normal spot and looked up to see Fang still standing. "I'll be right back with drinks. I want to talk with Dale for a moment," the wolfman said.
Lanon slid into the booth across from Kev, his forked tongue flicking. "I am not thirsty, and I will be heading home shortly anyway."
Fang nodded and turned, heading to see the horse behind the bar, who was polishing glasses.
Kev was beginning to lose himself in watching the languid dancing and the spellbinding music when Lanon's short cough finally forced him to glance over at the iguana. "What? More questions?" Kev asked.
"You are a bad partner for Fang."
Kev sat up and turned to face Lanon. "What?"
"You are a bad partner for Fang," Lanon said again, his forked tongue flicking out, his eyes locked on the human.
"Well, fuck you too," Kev said.
Lanon breathed out through his nose and rolled his eyes. "So confused. So ignorant. Why do you need such simple things explained?"
"Just tell me, then, instead of making everything a double entendre," Kev snapped.
"Get your mind out of the gutter," Lanon said. "If you think I am trying to make things perverse, then you need therapy as badly as Fang does."
Kev crossed his arms. "Fang's not crazy."
"Oh ho?" Lanon raised a scaled eyebrow. "Are you being purposefully obtuse?"
"Why?" Kev said, trying to keep himself composed while the evil doctor said he and his boyfriend were both in need of mental help. "What makes you think Fang needs help?"
Lanon blinked a few times. "His episodes."
"Yeah, right," Kev said, pulling out a cigarette. "So he lost it a bit today when his house got raided. I would be upset too."
"Would you threaten to floss someone with barbed wire?" Lanon asked. "Or maybe to violently swap a person's elbows and knees?"
Kev looked down at his unlit cigarette. This didn't feel like the right time to ask Lanon for a light. "I don't think I'd personally say that," he said softly, "but I'm not from around here, as I'm sure you're aware."
"Indeed," Lanon said. "Would it be strange for a human to not just say these sorts of things, but even chase people down and attempt to do them?"
"Uhh..." Kev's mind was racing. Was Fang really so violent, so dangerous? "Why wasn't he ever arrested?" Kev asked.
"Oh, that is a different story," Lanon said dismissively. "His father's toxic shadow is the only gift the old wolf left for Fang, it seems. But that is not the topic. Fang has suppressed trauma, and he is unable to open up." Lanon stood and leaned over the booth. "And despite your ability to subdue the wolf, from what I've surmised from our therapy meetings, is that you are constantly opening the old wounds."
"Now you sound like the crazy one," Kev said, pushing himself back in the booth's cushions, trying to put a bit of distance between himself and the reptile. "Fang and I get along great."
"How so?" Lanon asked.
"Really?" Kev asked, not even knowing where to begin.
"Is it because he kisses you?" Lanon asked. "Or that he says he loves you?"
"Well... yeah," Kev said, a bit anxious about where Lanon was going with this.
Lanon sat back down and shook his head. "I have been coaching Fang."
Kev had said "what" too many times in this conversation already, but he said it again anyway. "What?"
"Coaching is like teaching," Lanon said. "We really must get you to a school soon."
Kev rubbed his hair. "What did you coach Fang to do?" he asked, dreading the response.
"To be more affectionate with you," Lanon said. "He was so agitated after first meeting you that he came to me. And of course, I told him to show you that he was interested in more than just an employer-employee relationship. I reminded him if he waited too long, then you would think he was disinterested."
"You... told him to make out with me?" Kev asked, a pit forming in his stomach.
"And to tell you he loved you," Lanon said, his eyes still fixed on the human's face, analyzing his reaction.
This couldn't be real. Kev felt sick. This creepy lizard had puppeteered his and Fang's relationship this whole time. It couldn't be true. Was Fang even really interested in him, or was this all just some psychobabble bullshit from Dr. Whoremonger?
"Fang likes me, regardless if you pushed him to act before he was ready," Kev said, but the words held no conviction. His mind was still reeling from the morbid realization.
"Yes," Lanon said flatly. "You are a wonderful pet… But you are a bad partner."
"Fuck you! I'm not a pet!" Kev said, breaking the cigarette in his hand.
"Yes, you are," Lanon said, not backing down. "You sit around the mansion all day until Fang wakes up and feeds you, brings you on a walk, and puts you back in your kennel, where you fall asleep and wake up again in the morning to do it all over again."
Kev was stunned. He had felt this way, in the back of his mind, knowing that he hadn't really done any real work. He knew that the others were just giving him a pass because he was the owner's boyfriend. But it was the reality. He swam, he played guitar, he got brought out for dinner. Just having Fang listen to a couple of his wild ideas wasn't work either; in fact, it made more work for others.
Lanon stood again, but this time, he exited the booth, lingering at the edge of the table to say one last thing. "The wolf is a workaholic. If you don't work, you'll only ever be a pet. Not a partner."
Kev sat, stunned, as Lanon walked away without another word. He was furious and ashamed and so many other things. And the worst part was, when he thought about what he could even do to help, his mind came up blank.
"Ahh, Lanon is finally gone," Fang growled happily, sliding back into the booth and placing a purple drink topped with a lime wedge in front of Kev. "It feels good to be back."
Kev looked up at Fang. Did he truly know the wolf he was sitting next to? Was he really so unstable that he would chase someone down and try to floss them with barbed wire? A cold sweat broke out on Kev's skin. Had I just been blinded by my attraction to him? I hadn't even known Lanon was working in the shadows. Yet, even as his thoughts were clouded by these dark considerations, Kev watched something happen.
Reepia had burst from the kitchen. She had apparently stalked Fang back to the booth and was now staring down at him, grinding her teeth. The moment Fang noticed the chef scrutinizing him, he froze. Kev wanted to burst out laughing. The big, bad wolf who Lanon claimed would terrorize people was looking like a naughty child. Kev grinned. He knew exactly who Fang was. Lanon could go therapy himself.
"You mutt," Reepia growled, waving a piece of paper. "You were supposed to come approve the menu at the start of the shift!"
Kev's relief quickly turned to apprehension as he watched Reepia slowly reveal a very large and sharp-looking chef's knife in her other hand. "And you went out to get food again!" she yelled. Reepia bunched up the paper in her fist and slammed it down on the table. "The VIPs tomorrow are getting the raw Club Fang experience! They can order off the regular menu!" She quickly brought her knife down and began to chiffonade the paper, small ribbons flying around like confetti.
"What are you doing?!" Fang barked, suddenly animated once he confirmed the knife was not for him.
"I said I'd cook a special dinner for your mafia morons, but this..." Reepia grabbed a bunch of the minced paper and blew it at Fang. "...this just said 'anything they want,' and you even had the gall to sign it! It's not a menu, it's a fucking joke, and I'm not going to stand for it!"
"Oh, come on, Reepia," Kev said with a grin. "Fang got to order off-menu at Ralph's restaurant tonight."
"Yes," Fang said, closing his eyes and remembering the meal. "You must join me next time I go, Reepia. They cooked me a beef thigh."
"What?!" Reepia nearly screamed. "That duck used to only want to sell finger foods, and now he's trying to sell beef?! He wouldn't know rare from medium-rare!"
"Maybe you and Ralph can work on the park restaurant menu together," Kev ventured. "I think he tries to match the menu to the venue."
"Oh, do you think that's cute?" Reepia diverted her laser glare to the human. "The venue doesn't matter. If a person is hungry, they will go out to get food. If you sell them something that fills them up, they'll return."
Kev wanted to point out that there was a whole sub-category of food called "snacks" that kind of defeated her argument, but he didn't dare bring up something like that. Even mentioning some ultra-processed junk food would probably send Reepia into a stabbing seizure.
"I think rhymes can be cute," Kev said, taking a sip from his drink.
Reepia made a loud sound of disgust before turning to leave. "You're getting veggies with your pork chops tonight, Fang."
"Wait, but I was good!" Fang said, his voice a pathetic whine. "I didn't eat any fried food!"
"You ate that duck's food again!" Reepia hissed over her shoulder as she strode away. "VEGGIES!"
Kev shook his head as Fang's ears drooped. How could this wolf, who was cowering from a rat, be a public nuisance? Maybe Fang was a bit oblivious to some normal rules of decorum, but that wasn't really a big deal. "How did you meet Reepia?" Kev asked, trying not to look like he found Fang's meal misfortune funny.
Fang stiffened up and took a sip of his drink before answering. "I was going through a bit of a rebellious phase, and I wanted to get away from the mansion now and then. I met Reepia out in the city and ended up spending a lot of time with her. She was my best friend."
"'Was'?" Kev asked. "Did something happen?"
"No," Fang laughed loudly. "She doesn't like words like 'friend,' so I guess I just stopped using that word for her."
"That does sound like Reepia," Kev said with a grin.
They finished their drinks, leaning into each other and watching the dancers and the other guests enjoying themselves. However, as the minutes passed by and Kev watched more and more of the jubilant beasts migrate towards the west, he couldn't help but feel a familiar urge.
"Hey, Fang, this has been a great night," Kev said, slowly swirling the last of the ice in his glass. "I know you didn't get a full day's sleep in earlier with the raid happening, so I was hoping you might want to come up to my room tonight." Kev finally looked up at Fang. "Even if you want to come back down to the club again after."
Kev was tense, desperate to hear Fang's response. He wanted to connect with the wolfman so desperately after hearing Lanon's harsh words, wanted to know that they were a real couple, not just two people pushed together by a cold-blooded matchmaker.