I keep stealing glances at Rafael, but he's focused on the road, his jaw tight, his grip firm on the wheel. It's hard to tell what he's thinking.
He's been quiet ever since we left the mansion, and I can't figure out if it's because of what happened with James or if it's something else. I want to ask him, but the words seem to stick in my throat.
"Amanda," Rafael suddenly speaks, breaking the silence. "Let's just stick to the list, okay? I don't want you going overboard again."
I turn to face him, an eyebrow raised. "You sound like my parents."
He doesn't respond, just keeps driving. I can feel the tension in his voice, but I don't want to make things more uncomfortable. So, I turn back to the window and try to shake off the nervous energy building in my chest.
At the mall, I'm walking beside Rafael, but it feels like we're on completely different planets. I want to forget everything, to indulge in the one thing I still have control over, spending money. But Rafael's voice keeps ringing in my ears.
"Amanda, don't get that. It's too much." He points to a luxury pencil in front of me.
I glance at the price tag, $300. I feel the pull to grab it, to throw it in the basket and just not think about it. But instead, I find myself looking at Rafael, who's standing there, watching me.
"It's not a big deal," I say quickly, but my voice shakes slightly.
Rafael's expression hardens. "It is a big deal if you're going to keep throwing away money like this. You don't even need half of this stuff."
I feel defensive. He doesn't know what it's like. I've never had to worry about money before, and it feels like I'm being punished for things that happened outside my control. The need to prove something to him, to myself, starts building.
"I'm not asking for much, Amanda," he says, grabbing a simple pack of pens. "Just... be reasonable."
"Amanda, please." His voice is softer now, but the frustration is evident. "You need to spend your money wisely, you can use the rest of the money that your parents gave me for other things."
"You always say that." I snap, trying to hide the hurt that slips through. "Not everyone has to live like you, Rafael."
I know I'm pushing him. I know I'm being unreasonable, but I don't care. It's the only thing that gives me comfort right now.
After the shopping, the air between us is heavy, filled with the unspoken things we both want to say but can't. We head to a casual restaurant nearby, nothing fancy, just a place to eat before we head back to the mansion. I notice that Rafael is unusually quiet. I try to start a conversation, mostly to fill the silence.
"So... are you ready for school?" I ask, stirring my drink aimlessly.
He looks at me, but doesn't reply right away. "I guess. More than you, anyway," he adds with a small smirk, though there's no warmth in it.
"Yeah," I mutter, glancing away. "I'm just... stressed about everything."
It's true. I am. But I don't know how to explain it to him. He's been watching me so closely lately, and it's like everything I do is being scrutinized. I want to scream at him, tell him to mind his business, but I can't.
Just then, Cloie, Ashley, and Sophie, my friends, walked in, laughing and chatting. They see me immediately. Cloie waves her hand in the air, catching my attention.
"Amanda!" she calls out, a teasing smile on her face. "Are you here on a date?"
I cringe, hating how they always make everything feel like an event. It's no secret I've been seeing James, but I don't want to talk about that now. I glance at Rafael, but he's already sitting back, looking at the menu, avoiding my gaze.
"Well, I'm just here with Rafael," I say, trying to sound casual, though my heart is racing. My friends seem to catch on to the awkwardness right away, and I feel their eyes on me.
They stared at me like they need an explanation right away.
"We haven't heard from you these past few days, you got us worried." Said Ashley, trying to stiffle a smile.
The dinner goes on as usual. My friends chat among themselves, asking me how things have been, but I feel like an outsider in my own world.
It's not that I don't love them, I do, but I've been hiding who I really am from them for so long that it feels impossible to be honest now.
As we eat, I notice Sophie, ever the bold one, glancing at Rafael. Her eyes linger just a little too long, and I feel my chest tighten.
"Oh, Rafael, you're studying law, right?" she asks, leaning forward on the table, her voice sugary sweet. "Must be so hard, huh? All those late nights and long hours…" She giggles, tossing her hair back, clearly playing the flirty card.
Rafael shifts uncomfortably, his eyes flicking to me before he gives a polite nod. "It's a lot of work, but it's worth it."
Sophie laughs again, her eyes never leaving him. "I bet it's worth it for someone as handsome as you."
The words hit me like a slap. I try to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach, but something bubbles up, sharp and bitter. I clench my fists under the table, grinding my teeth. I can feel the anger rising in my chest, and I'm about to snap.
But before I can open my mouth, Rafael cuts in, his voice firm but calm.
Cloie and Ashley tried to smile at Rafael, with an apologizing look. They held Sophie's hands and stopped her for whatever she plans to do.
"I think we should go." He stands up abruptly.
"I'll catch up with you girls, see you." I said trying to smile, I glanced at Sofia who is confused right now, I wanna scream at her.
Later that night, I'm lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, my mind racing. I keep replaying the evening, the words, the looks, the way I acted.
Why did I let Sophie's flirtation get to me? She was always like that, I should have known. But, she knows that Rafael is with me, we are not together but still...Why did I let everything fall apart so easily? I feel embarrassed, humiliated by my outburst.
The clock ticks on, but I can't sleep. I keep thinking about how everything is changing, about how I'm not the person I used to be.
And about Rafael.