Reality
12:00 PM, Star Rail Official Channel
[Punklorde Advance Teaser PV]
[Huh?]
[HUH!? x10086]
[No way! It's actually happening!?]
[You guys really are the freest developers!]
A torrent of shocked bullet comments flooded the screen just as the miHoYo logo faded.
"Ksshhk..."
An old, beat-up radio materialized in the center of the frame. The crackle of static hissed from its speakers before a booming, energetic voice burst through.
"Good morning, Neon Metropolis! Today's…"
With a whoosh of air, the camera spun wildly. A sultry saxophone riff immediately kicked in as a city that never sleeps, ablaze with lights of every color, filled the screen.
Hovercars zipped in and out of view while holographic ads plastered every street and alley, illuminating a diverse crowd that sported a wild variety of styles.
[WHOA! That cyberpunk style!]
[The REAL Coconut City ✓]
[That saxophone… it's so slinky~ The scene is pure future-punk, but the sax just fits so damn well.]
[I see trash cans! So many trash cans! They have skins!]
[Are you talking about… recycling bins?]
[Who the hell gives trash cans skins…]
"Zzzzt…"
Another burst of static crackled. The smooth, mellow saxophone was instantly replaced by a tense, driving drumbeat.
The vibrant streets were now a scene of chaos, with civilians scattering in every direction. Grotesque half-human, half-machine monstrosities poured out from a central tower, the corrosive symbol of Rupture consuming the structure layer by layer…
The scene cut away, the camera now focused on a slightly run-down orphanage, its quaint architecture a complete juxtaposition to the neon metropolis.
A gentle violin melody swelled, perfectly complementing the building, lending it an air of melancholic, faded elegance.
"Creeeak…"
The main door swung open. A single leather boot stepped out, followed by the tall, stunning figure of a woman. She had short, dark-red hair and piercing golden eyes. A form-fitting suit traced her ample curves, and with a snap of her metallic, prosthetic fingers, a squadron of drones whirred to life.
The frame froze. The name [Veyl] materialized beside her coldly beautiful face.
[WOC! Big Sister! ONEE-SAN! Sis, you're so cool! Please step on me!]
[Is this a new Punklorde character!? I'm sold!]
[So strong and powerful, got this lil bro standing at attention!]
[OHHHHHH! It's a Big Sister character!]
[Can those hands crush me, please!]
[prprprprprpr!]
[Step on me! HARDER!]
The drones ascended. In the orphanage's yard, a girl in an oversized blue hoodie that covered her shorts, a bandage wrapped around her left thigh, and a large backpack slung over her shoulders, watched the drones rise with a look of innocent confusion. She tucked a strand of gray hair behind her ear, picked up a tablet, and waved it at the drones, her purple eyes crinkling with a smile.
"Good morning, Sister Veyl," the tablet displayed. The image froze again, and the name [Meryl] appeared on the screen.
[What an adorable little sister!]
[Does miHoYo have a compulsion to put something on a character's leg or what?]
[Yes, yes, yes, she looks like a cute shut-in type!]
[Beep-boop, analyzing XP… bare legs, thigh bandage, oversized top covering the butt!]
[Ohayou, kouhai!]
The once-dazzling neon metropolis was now wreathed in smoke. The drone flew past shattered districts toward the city's edge. The perspective pulled back, and the BGM became more somber, yet laced with a thread of wild energy.
The wider view revealed that the entire city was encircled by a mountain range of garbage. Countless discarded electronic parts formed a magnificent, tragic spectacle.
"BWAAAM!!!"
A blistering guitar riff exploded across the wasteland. A storm of dust and shrapnel roared forth as dozens of mechanical hounds charged out of the metallic tempest, only to be swatted into smithereens by a colossal greatsword.
A young boy, his face still holding a touch of childishness, sat atop a support rig cobbled together from scrap. He furiously worked a remote control, annihilating the incoming hounds.
He wore white knee-high socks with his small leather shoes and kicked at the wreckage of a hound. From his British-style jacket, he produced a magnifying glass. His brown eyes were filled with disdain as a single brown ahoge on his head bounced back and forth.
The frame froze. The name [Nolan] faded in behind him.
[SOCKS!! A shota! We finally have a shota character!]
[The white socks! The British fashion! The steampunk-style ride, AND a greatsword! A little gentleman! The gap moe! I am DECEASED!!!!]
[Heh, he's just a substitute for little Wende. C'mon, miHoYo! Give us little Wende already!]
[For real, though! If you have the resources to make a new shota, then have the guts to release little Wende!]
[Ehehe, a sweet, soft little shota. His chubby cheeks look so tender you could squeeze water out of them!]
[You there? Open up. It's the water delivery guy.]
[BEGONE!]
Campsites nestled in trash heaps, enigmatic hackers, the looming central tower, a mysterious masked merchant, a dimly lit tavern…
As the camera spun through these final quick cuts and the violin and guitar played their final notes, the Star Rail logo appeared, ending the video.
[I can't spend one more second on the Xianzhou!]
[Shota! My Shota!]
[Big Sister! My Big Sister!]
[Robot! My Robot!]
[GIMME ALL OF IT! GIMME ALL OF IT!]
[? Did something weird slip in there?]
[You're just seeing things.]
Star Rail's Punklorde promotional video had caught the players completely by surprise. At only a minute and a half, it was packed with an incredible amount of content: two distinct map aesthetics, three brand new characters, various monster designs, and a cohesive overall style. It was a fusion of cyberpunk and steampunk, of hacker tech and body modification, the hum of electric hovercars clashing with the roar of gasoline engines and grinding parts… and, of course, a diverse collection of trash cans and mountains of junk.
This masterful blend of styles instantly sent player anticipation through the roof.
[DAMN IT! I seriously cannot stand Version 1.3 for one second longer!]
[I'm going to Punklorde to rummage through the trash! Nobody stop me!]
[NOOO!!! WHY! miHoYo! Why must you be so cruel! Couldn't you have waited until after the first major version cycle to drop this?! Now I have to wait for centuries!]
[Bro, you survived the wait for launch. You can survive a few more months.]
[I'm waiting for Veyl! My jades are hers and hers alone!]
[Hehe, a big sister with a metal prosthetic arm, a shy-looking little sister, and a cute shota in white socks~ sluuuurp!]
-----
"Hahaha! A shota! A big sister! A SHOTA! Hahaha! I'm not crazy! I AM NOT CRAZY!!"
Drool flew from Dogzi's mouth. Staring at Veyl's long legs and Nolan's little white socks, she… she was completely losing it