Summer of July 12, 2025
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be someone else?Or to be something greater?Like, for instance, a god—or even something greater than a god?Have you ever thought about what domain you'd want to rule over?
I have. So many times.Funny enough, I've even acted it out in front of a mirror—haha—to the point I genuinely started to wonder if I had a mental illness.But anyway, back on topic.It's always been a dream of mine.
Now, you're probably wondering:"How are you even speaking to me right now?"Heh… Don't worry.I'm just narrating my failed life—as it stands.Once I finish, you won't have to worry about me breaking the fourth wall anymore.…Or will you? Hehe.
As you can see, it's July 12th.The day I perish.Hmm… "perish" sounds too fancy. Let's just say die, I guess.Wait—No—Anyway, back to the point...
In the end, I chose to be a primordial—mainly because of Greek mythology.(Primordial — /ˌpraɪˈmɔːr.di.əl/)It always fascinated me that these beings had humanoid forms.And yeah, I'd gladly take that over just being... space dust.Like, who would want that?Let me stop—some weirdos probably have that kind of fetish. Haha.(Not judging, but I wouldn't cross that line.)
Back to what I was saying—The primordial I ended up choosing was Ouranos.(Ouranos — /ˈɔː.rə.nɒs/ or /ˈjuː.rə.nəs/)Don't ask why, okay?
I just really liked staring at the sky during my free time.Plus, if I had the chance, I'd totally avoid his fate.I mean—Imagine your own kids chopping off your balls.I'd die of embarrassment.Or probably just be stuck in a loop thinking,"What the fuck—"
Maybe that's just me, but from what I've read, the guy had a serious case of Narcissus syndrome.(Narcissus — /nɑːrˈsɪs.əs/)Like, how do you love yourself that much?
I can't even look in the mirror too long without thinking,"Damn, I'm chopped."
So yeah, my choice was mostly based on preference.I wouldn't want to be trapped in some dark, hellish place.And I'm definitely not an edgelord.Though, the mirror thing might say otherwise…Eh, I wouldn't admit it out loud. Just saying.
For a while, all of this was just a hopeless dream.I thought it'd never happen.Years of wishing that after death I'd end up as some high being—
Which is exactly what happened a few hours after I died. Hahahaaaa.
Yeah.So, taking all that into account, I decided to face my fear of heights—By standing on top of a 400-foot building.
I don't even know how I got up there, to be honest.I just walked in, and boom—I was on the roof.Wasn't it supposed to be restricted? Lol. Like, hey—
But yeah, long story short…I fell. Spartan style.After freaking out, pissing myself, and hyping myself up.Yes, I'll admit that. I'm crazy.Now that we've reached this point, might as well own it.
But then, the craziest thing happened…
I lowkey ended up in the afterlife.Lowkey—highkey—I don't even know at this point.But I was there.
It looked like northern lights, but in a painfully sad way.Maybe it was because I committed a sin?You know—the whole "Thou shall not commit suicide" thing?
Anyway, everything felt… strange.Like water in space. No gravity. No air. Just this eerie silence.My body—or whatever it was at that point—I guess you'd call it my spirit (if you're slow)—was just floating.A ghost. A soul. Whatever fits your belief system.
And then, there was this... lightbulb.
I'm serious.I have no idea how to describe him.He was just… shiny.
He somehow knew everything I ever did.It felt like he was about to pass judgment on me or something.At that point, I was shaking like a damn crackhead.No joke.Wavering in zero gravity.
And then—This guy didn't even say hello—just pointed a finger toward this portal.
So I walked in.
Boom—now I'm in a line.A literal line.
Like, is this dude serious?!I'm gonna be here for decades... if I'm not already dead.Wait—can spirits die?That's a terrifying thought. Gotta keep that one at bay.
But yeah. I'm here.Still in this line.Which is why I've been rambling this whole time.I'll continue once I get closer to the front...
{A BILLION YEARS LATER}(Not literally. But it felt like it. You know what I mean.)
Just one person left in front of me.Wait—do thoughts count as sins if I think them?Oh my god, I need this.I gotta be nice. I gotta be holy.
"I bless you with a beautiful next life," I whispered to the person ahead of me.
Then the glowing lightbulb—ahem, the judge—spoke:
"Your destination is the abyss."
Before the person could react, a pit opened beneath them.A hook dragged them away.
WELL.Shit.Did I just jinx them?Wait—was that a bad person I blessed?Oh god, I'm cooked.That has to be a sin.
Please—if anyone hears me—please uncook me.I'm begging on my knees—Wait. Pause. On my knees? That sounded kinda sus.Anyway—Please. Please. Please—
And then…
The lightbulb spoke again.
"Next."
Oh no.I'm doomed.I can smell hell from here—and it honestly smells like hot breath.
I should've stayed alive!Am I crazy?!No—I can't back down now.This is my dream come true.(Not the hell part—but becoming something more.)
Sigh.Why am I talking to myself right now?
"Are you finished with your inner monologue?"asked the glowing being.
"Huh?" I replied, confused.
"I asked if you're finished."But what puzzled me is—I didn't hear a voice. Not like before.
"No, you wouldn't hear my voice.Unless… you want everyone else to hear us too."
Well, shit...
Looks like my inner monologue is about to be hijackedby the future.
---
"Are you ready?" asked the being.
"Yes," replied ???.(Still haven't picked a name for the MC. I asked my wife(gf) and she said, "M C? What's that?" I swear she trolls me on purpose.)
The being continued,"Based on your track record, you're quite the daydreamer, are you not?"
??? stayed silent—as if he didn't want to admit it.
The being spoke again,"According to our system, you are allowed to make a wish.But be warned: if you act out or wish for anything distasteful,you'll end up like the last one."
"Ah… so that's what happened," thought ???.
"I understand," he replied.
"Good. Now you may begin."
"I would like to be Ouranos," said ???.
"You have to be specific," the being responded."There are many entities named Ouranos."
"Oh—I meant the Primordial of the Sky from the Greek pantheon."
The being gave a slow nod."Granted."
As soon as the word left the being's mouth, ???'s spiritual body began to unravel—dissolving rapidly into particles of shimmering light.
He tried to speak,tried to understand why he was fading,but it was already too late.
He was gone.
---
chap. Once a week Saturdays as usual.