Mornings at Lewd Academy were a problem.
Not just because I woke up in a room that looked like a sex-positive spa crossed with a plush toy factory, or because the mirror on the ceiling greeted me with a glowing message saying "Good Morning, Stud~" in cursive. No, the real problem was the bed.
It wouldn't let me go.
Literally.
Every time I tried to sit up, the silken sheets tightened around me like needy lovers. The pillows groaned when I rolled away from them. One whispered, "Don't leave me," in a breathy voice that made my skin crawl.
After ten full minutes of fighting off sentient linen, I broke free, half-dressed, completely disoriented, and already behind schedule.
Day 1. Quest: Attend Basic Orientation Drills.Time Remaining: 14 minutes.Penalty for Failure: Public De-Panting + Humiliation Buff (24 hrs).
What even was a humiliation buff?
The hallway outside my dorm room was a parade of chaos. Girls in frilly uniforms darted past me, giggling with spellbooks in hand. A guy with glowing tattoos was getting chased by a pair of enchanted vibrators. One of the ceiling tiles popped open, dropping a goblin girl who landed on her feet and said, "Room 3C owes me three spanks," before vanishing again.
No one batted an eye.
Welcome to Cherry Whip Hall.
As I made my way down the twisting, mood-lit corridors of the dorm, the walls themselves pulsed with ambient pink light and—God help me—moaned when I brushed too close. The entire building felt alive, not in the comforting "smart home" way, but in the "this place gets off on watching you trip over your own shoes" way.
I followed the floating arrows on my HUD, praying I'd make it in time. They led me into what looked like a ballroom that had been converted into a training ground… by someone very drunk, very horny, or both.
A giant neon sign blinked overhead:
CHERRY WHIP GAUNTLET – PHASE ONE: BREAK THE ICE (GENTLY)
"Late already?" someone drawled.
I turned.
The speaker was reclining against a heart-shaped obstacle, arms crossed under a rather aggressive chest that seemed held up by sheer willpower. Her uniform jacket was open, showing off toned abs, and her whip hung loosely from her belt like a warning.
"I'm guessing you're the mortal everyone's whispering about," she said, pushing off the wall. "Name's Sina. Resident chaos wrangler. Also your house prefect."
"Hi," I said. "I'm—uh—still deciding my name."
"Cute. Let's just go with 'Virgin Boy' for now."
"Can we not?"
"Sure, sure. But only if you survive the gauntlet."
She gestured dramatically to the rest of the room.
Dozens of other students were already lined up at stations. Each obstacle looked worse than the last. There was a "Tension Tunnel," a "Shibari Shuffle," something called the "Blush Bridge," and what looked like a trampoline surrounded by giggling succubi holding water guns.
A screen blinked in front of me.
Objective: Complete 5 of 7 challenges.Reward: 50 Lust Points + Stat Reveal Token.Failure: Laughter. So much laughter.Bonus: Do it with a straight face.
Sina clapped her hands. "Alright, fresh meat. Time to test your composure, creativity, and kink resistance. Don't worry—no one dies on the first day."
She paused.
"Usually."
I was shoved toward the first station: The Shiver Pole.
It was exactly what it sounded like.
A tall, gently vibrating pole wrapped in glowing runes, surrounded by cheering students. The goal? Climb to the top without losing your balance—or your dignity.
The moment I touched it, my Eros Lens pinged:
"Minor arousal resistance test. Warning: friction enchantment active."
Great.
I gritted my teeth, grabbed the pole, and started climbing.
Every inch up was a betrayal. The runes thrummed under my hands. The pole vibrated more aggressively the higher I went. The crowd started chanting. I had never wanted to die more in my life.
By the time I reached the top, I was red in the face, panting, and very aware that my pants were not going to forgive me for this.
A bell rang.
"Challenge one complete," my HUD blinked.
"Nice form," said Sina, who'd clearly been watching. "You've got that stiff upper body thing going. Emphasis on stiff."
I didn't respond. I couldn't. My pride had gone silent in protest.
The next obstacle was worse.
The Aphro-Field Maze.
On paper, it sounded easy. Walk through a garden maze filled with aphrodisiac mists. Stay focused. Don't touch anything.
In practice?
It was ten straight minutes of temptation torture.
The flowers moaned when brushed. Statues of half-dressed heroes offered commentary on your walk ("Ooh, nice calves"). At one point, a misty hologram of a librarian NPC materialized and whispered, "I've been very overdue."
Somehow, I made it out.
"Challenge two complete. Libido stat increased: +1."
I wasn't even sure what that meant anymore.
Next up: Truth or Dare Podiums.
Here, I had to answer questions from magically animated pillows in front of an audience. They were programmed to detect lies and pounce if unsatisfied.
First question: "Have you ever fantasized about a tentacle?"
I said no.
The pillow buzzed, flew into my face, and motorboated me aggressively.
The crowd roared with laughter.
"Fine!" I shouted. "Once, okay? Anime was weird back then!"
Next question: "Would you bottom for a buff vampire queen?"
"...maybe?"
The pillow purred. "Honesty noted. +3 Confidence."
This game was going to ruin me.
Three obstacles down, and I was still upright. Barely.
"Alright, hotshot," Sina said as I limped to the fourth challenge, "your next task is a group one."
A group of girls from different houses had gathered in a circle. The sign overhead read:
Pillow Tactics: Battle Royale.
Apparently, I had to survive three rounds of magically enhanced pillow fighting while dodging flirtatious attacks. Some pillows stunned. Others made your clothing glitch. One had tentacles. I did not ask where it got them.
We battled. I screamed. A foxgirl spanked me mid-air. My shirt vanished for five seconds and I got flashed by a bunny girl in retaliation.
I won by falling face-first into a teammate's cleavage and blacking out momentarily.
When I came to, I had earned 10 points, a temporary "Snuggle Buff," and trauma.
Only one obstacle left.
The Mirror of Reflection.
It was just... a mirror.
Until it wasn't.
When I stepped in front of it, my own reflection looked back—but different. Confident. Smirking. Wearing a suit that fit. Surrounded by a harem of ridiculous proportions. The reflection winked at me.
Then it leaned forward and said:
"You're gonna enjoy this place. Eventually."
Then it vanished.
"Challenge complete," said the HUD. "Self-Awareness: +1."
I stood there for a long moment, the crowd's cheers distant in my ears.
Because the worst part was...
That reflection looked kind of good.
—
Later that day, after a cold shower and several apologies to my own ego, I found myself back in Professor Lira's office. She eyed me over her glasses as I handed her the quest summary.
"Gauntlet complete?" she asked.
"Barely."
"Did the vibrating pole defeat you?"
"No. But I think it changed me."
She chuckled and typed something into her crystal tablet.
"You earned your Stat Reveal Token. Use it when you feel ready. I recommend after your next lesson."
"Which is?"
She leaned forward.
"Body Language 101. With me."
I blushed.
"Oh," I said.
"Don't worry," she added. "You'll be partnered with someone."
The door opened behind me.
"Hey, roomie," said a cheerful, oddly familiar voice. "Guess who finally got summoned too?"
I turned.
Jason.
My roommate.
Wearing a tight Academy blazer, grinning like he'd just walked into paradise.
I stared at him in silence.
He grinned. "What? Don't tell me you're still mad about the review."
I lunged at him.
Professor Lira sipped her tea and said, "This is going to be so much fun."