Panda's room was, as always: messy, far too small for four people, yet strangely welcoming.
Blankets piled on a futon, a stack of comics in the corner, the window slightly fogged by the rain outside.
"Hey, sit wherever you like—but that pillow's mine. Even Maki knows that."
"That's not true. I stole it three nights ago," she replied, arms crossed with a little smirk.
Yuta was already sitting cross-legged, laughing as he munched on cookies from a half-empty bag.
I curled up beside them, clutching the pillow to my chest, still a little tense.
Panda tossed me a cold can. "Peach saké. Not smuggled, I swear. It's legal… mostly."
"We're still on mission, remember?" Yuta laughed.
"Yeah, but we're also human beings. And humans deserve a hint of sweetness," Panda said solemnly, raising his can like a chalice.
We toasted.
We laughed.
And for a while, it really felt like that evening could be enough.
We talked about everything and nothing. About a teacher who still confused Yuta's name with that of a former student. About a curse with duck legs. About Gojo's teenage crushes back in academy days (according to Maki, at least three of them had been curses with great hair).
The laughter in that room was real.
But from time to time, my gaze drifted toward the window.
The rain kept falling.
And the door next to mine... I knew he was behind it.
Alone.
"Toge didn't come, huh?" Yuta asked at some point, breaking the gentle rhythm of our chatter.
The silence that followed was short, but heavy.
Panda answered for everyone. "He said he wanted to sleep. Alone."
Maki leaned against the wall. "He doesn't actually sleep much, though. Lately... he stays awake almost all night. I hear him walking in the hallway. He goes out into the courtyard, comes back. Trains alone. He barely speaks. And when he does… it's like every word costs him something."
I felt myself slipping away in that moment.
The can in my hand grew heavier.
Yuta looked at me, serious. "You know, when we went to check on him... he didn't say much. But when we asked if he wanted company, he just said: don't ask me about her."
The can slipped through my fingers.
I placed it on the floor without drinking.
Panda moved closer. His voice, lower now. "You know why he didn't want questions? It's not just because he's hurting. It's because… he doesn't even know how to talk about it. He doesn't know if he did the right thing. And the real issue isn't just that he loves you, Rebecca. It's that he thinks of you every single moment—and it's tearing him apart."
I lowered my gaze.
The words twisted in my throat.
I hated myself a little for needing to hear them.
But I had needed them.
I had longed for them.
"I watched you two during the mission, you know?" Panda went on, his voice as gentle as ever.
"You were like two parts of the same spell. Different, but made to work together.And then… you both dimmed. As if something had been ripped away.And no one ever truly said: stay."
My eyes burned.
Maki touched my arm softly, saying nothing.
Yuta sighed. "Sometimes you don't have to forgive right away. Sometimes you just… need to not shut the door forever."
The rain kept falling.
Slow. Steady.
Like certain thoughts that refuse to stop.
I lay down next to them.
I didn't speak anymore.
But when Panda tossed a blanket over me and turned off the light, I thought that maybe, just for that night, not being alone was enough.
Even if, in the dark, every beat of my heart still carried only one name:
Toge.
--- No voice in the next room...--- Toge's point of view...
I didn't sleep anymore.Not for weeks.Not really.
Even that night, the silence in the room weighed on me like a soaked sheet.
Lying on the bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling, I counted my heartbeats—not to control them, but to remind myself I was still here. That he was still alive. Even without her.
From time to time, I turned toward the wall beside me. The one that separated my room from Rebecca's. It had become a kind of sacred boundary. A fragile, sacred wall.
For weeks, I had slept with my back turned to that side, as if denying it even existed.
But not that night.
That night, I needed something.
I didn't even know what.
Maybe a voice.
Maybe just the sound of her footsteps behind the wall.
Even the smallest noise… would have been enough.
But there was nothing.
No creaking.
No breath.
No movement.
Just emptiness.
I got up.
I walked barefoot, silently.
Opened the door slowly, as if even disturbing the air was a sin.
The hallway was bathed in a milky half-light, the emergency lamp flickering faintly against the walls.
Rebecca's door was closed.
As always.
Like her heart.
I stepped closer.
Pressed my forehead against the wood—just for a moment.
I could feel the pounding in my temples, a muffled drum.
I closed my eyes.
Inhaled.
Then… I knocked.
Once.
Soft.
More a prayer than a knock.
No answer.
He waited.
Something in me clung to the hope that she was just pretending to sleep.
That maybe she was hesitating.
That maybe… she wanted to open the door.
I knocked again.
A little louder.
Heart in my throat.
Hands cold.
Still nothing.
No voice, no steps, no sound.
Reality pressed down on me like a blade.
She wasn't there.
Something broke inside me.
A silent, deep tear.
I lowered my hand.
Stood there, motionless.
In front of that closed door that, for the first time, no longer contained her.
I didn't know where she was.
I didn't know who she was with.
I didn't know if she was laughing, or sleeping, or forgetting.
And no matter how hard I tried to repress it, the truth pierced my stomach like glass:
she wasn't in the room next to mine… because maybe she didn't want to be anymore.
I returned to my room.
Didn't turn on the light.
Sat on the floor, my back against the wall.
That same wall.
And there, in the fullest silence of night,
I let my head fall back.
Closed my eyes.
And for the first time in a long time…
I allowed myself to tremble.
---A morning without class...---
"Class canceled?!"
Panda's voice echoed off the classroom walls as he read aloud the message Gojo had just sent to the group chat.
"Guys, no class this morning. I've been called for an investigation in Shibuya. Be good, I'll be back soon. P.S. Don't blow up the school." – Gojo S.
"Aww, on the one day I'm actually awake!" Yuta groaned, letting himself flop back in his chair.
Maki raised an eyebrow. "As if you ever wake up before the second call."
I said nothing.
I had already been sitting at my desk for ten minutes.
Phone in my hands, eyes lost in the little screen.
The photos from Kyoto slid past slowly, one by one.
Him and me, holding each other.
Fingers intertwined, real smiles, clear skies.
There was one where he looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
I had managed to snap it without him noticing.
Now… it felt like it belonged to another life.
I bit my lower lip.
Held back tears.
The kind that hurt the most.
Toge was a few desks away.
Still pale, but less than yesterday.
Alert. Present.
He was speaking to Yuta in a low voice and… he almost looked like he was smiling.
Not fully.
But something in his eyes — a new calm, as if he had finally slept for the first time in days.
Suddenly, Yuta turned with that gleam in his eyes.
"Okay, guys, free time means… charades!"
Panda lit up. "Yes! In pairs, famous movies, whoever guesses first wins!"
"I'm teaming up with Maki," he said without even looking around.
Maki shot him a look. "I don't do charades. I command."
"Okay, fine, you're the referee. Couldn't get more threatening."
The turns began.
Panda mimed King Kong balancing on a chair.
Yuta did a terrible scene from Titanic.
We all laughed.
I laughed, too.
Genuinely.
Then it was my turn.
I stood up, unsure.
Hands clammy, heart racing.
I choose a scene from an iconic movie:
a girl standing in the rain, arms open, face turned to the sky.
Breakfast at Tiffany's.
I started miming the scene.
Spread my arms. Pretended it was raining. Looked up, sighed.
Silence.
A few hesitant guesses.
Panda tried, "La La Land?"
"No!"
Then, from the back, a hand went up.
His.
Toge.
He walked toward me slowly.
Took out his notebook.
Wrote something down, big and clear.
Held it up.
Smiling.
Breakfast at Tiffany's.
Applause.
Gasps.
I stood frozen.
Eyes locked with his for one eternal second.
Then I smiled.
A small smile, but a real one.
And he looked down just slightly,
as if that little moment
was all he needed
to breathe again.
---Later.. in the canteen..---
The cafeteria smelled of warm bread and miso broth.
It was still early, and silence lingered between the tables.
I sat next to Maki, tray in hand, my heart a little less shattered than before.
"Did you see?" she said, biting into an onigiri. "He read you like a book."
"It was just a game."
But my voice wavered slightly.
And she noticed.
"You know, sometimes games are more honest than words. Sometimes, that's where we say the things we can't actually speak."
I stared at my still-steaming tea.
"I don't even know where to begin. After this everything… I don't even know if I want to."
Maki paused.
She looked me in the eyes.
"Rebecca… you do want to. You're just scared. And I get that. But if you keep running, one day you'll wake up and there'll be no one left to chase."
Silence settled heavy between us.
Toge was sitting a few tables away.
Laughing with Yuta.
But now and then… he looked at me.
Not in an invasive way.
Just… present.
I knew he was waiting for something.
A sign.
A gesture.
Something that said: I haven't forgotten you.
And maybe…
maybe I wasn't so sure I wanted to keep staying silent.
***
The afternoon drifted in slowly, under a milk-colored sky that promised neither rain nor sun.
After lunch, I went outside for some air.
It felt good to walk among the trees in the courtyard, even if only to think. To remember that the world still existed outside all the things we had stopped saying.
I walked slowly, hands in my pockets.
The crunch of gravel under my feet was the only sound.
Then, behind me, I heard the faint rustle of another step.
I didn't turn immediately.
I already knew who it was.
"Rebecca."
His voice. Low, uncertain.
I hadn't heard it that close in days.
I stopped.
Turned slowly.
Toge was standing a few feet away, hands clenched at his sides, eyes serious.
There was no softness in them, but no anger either.
Just exhaustion. Pain. A desperate need to say something.
"Do you need something?" I asked.
My voice was flat.
Defensive.
He lowered his gaze.
Shook his head slightly.
Then pulled out his notebook, flipping quickly through the pages, and wrote something down.
"I stopped by your room yesterday… but you weren't there. I just wanted to know if you're okay."
I read it.
Inhaled.
Then laughed. But it was bitter.
"If I'm okay?"
I looked him straight in the eyes.
"After all this time… that's your first question?"
He started to write again, but I raised a hand.
"You know what the worst part is, Toge? That I spent days wondering if you could even understand me. If your silence was love, or fear. If you left me to protect me… or just to be free of the burden of me."
He stiffened.
Wrote quickly.
"That's not true. I never thought that."
"No? Then tell me. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you're fine without me. That you sleep. That you breathe. That you walk these halls every day without looking for me in every face."
Silence.
He didn't write.
Didn't say anything.
"Exactly," I whispered.
I turned to leave.
But then, his voice.
A thread.
Fractured. Real.
"Re… Rebecca…"
A punch to the gut.
He had said my name — grasping my arm, gently. Stopping me.
Then he wrote:
"I never would have left… if I had been strong enough to stay."
I spun around.
"You didn't have to be strong. You just had to be there."
His face tightened. He typed:
"They would have taken you. Hurt you. I couldn't let that—"
"What?!"
I stepped closer, too close. Tears burned behind my eyes.
"That I'd suffer? That I'd die? Toge, I already died the day you left me without a word! You didn't protect me. You left me alone. And now you want… what? You want me to say everything's fine?"
He stood there.
Breathing hard.
Eyes shining.
He wrote one last line.
"I never wanted to hurt you."
"And yet that's the only thing you managed to do."
The wind rustled through the trees.
The silence stretched between us like an abyss.
Then I saw him step back.
One step.
Two.
His hand trembling.
His face tight.
Notebook closed.
He didn't say another word.
And I didn't stop him.
I watched him walk away, my heart pounding, my throat dry.
And when I was alone again,
the tears came on their own,
and I couldn't hold them back.
Because I knew that, whatever had happened that day— we had just hurt each other again.
Deeper.
Longer.