Kazuki had one simple goal today: get a toothpick.
Why?
Because after the chaos of Noodle Alley's revolution, he'd eaten an entire roast duck in stress. Now a bit of duck skin was lodged between his molars like it was paying rent.
A normal person might have asked Smile or Tala for help.
Kazuki?
He wandered straight into Mt. Enkai, home of volcanic spirits and a giant ancient guardian said to destroy intruders on sight.
Why?
Because he heard a rumor that monks there made the sharpest, most spiritually-aligned toothpicks in the region.
Priorities.
✦
A Journey Fueled by Bad Ideas
"Are we lost?" Kazuki asked.
Smile bounced beside him, turning purple—his "I-don't-know-but-this-is-fun" color.
Hayate soared overhead, occasionally glaring at trees for daring to exist.
The path up Mt. Enkai was a series of winding stone steps, flanked by steaming vents and molten craters. Occasionally, Kazuki saw ominous signs like:
WARNING: Lava May Spontaneously Sing
Do Not Feed the Flame Wisps
Absolutely No Toothpick Gatherers Beyond This Point
"Perfect," he said cheerfully, stepping over the last sign.
✦
The Legendary Toothpick Shrine
At the summit, nestled between two fire-glazed boulders, stood an ancient stone shrine.
There, upon an obsidian altar, rested a single wooden stick glowing faintly red.
A sign next to it read:
The Emberpick – Whosoever cleanses their teeth with this shall wield the fire of judgment.
"Neat," Kazuki said.
He picked it up.
Instantly, the sky cracked with thunder.
Molten cracks spread beneath his feet.
The mountain trembled.
A voice boomed from the crater:
"WHO DARES REMOVE THE EMBERPICK?"
Kazuki froze. "I—I just wanted to get some duck out of my teeth—!"
✦
Enter: The Volcano Guardian
From the magma rose a colossal, glowing, extremely angry stone golem.
Its eyes burned with eternal fire. Its fists could crush mountains.
"TRESPASSER! YOU SHALL BURN!"
"Okay-but-maybe-wait-we-can-talk-about-this—"
BOOM!
The guardian slammed the ground. A shockwave knocked Kazuki flying.
Smile splattered against a rock.
Hayate did a dramatic barrel roll mid-air and screeched angrily at the giant.
Kazuki stood up, hair slightly on fire. "That's it. You're not even letting me explain!"
He chomped down on the Emberpick.
✦
Kazuki Accidentally Enters Fire Mode
The Emberpick glowed. So did Kazuki.
His clothes burned away (but heroically, only the sleeves).
Flames swirled around him in a protective aura.
Even his eyes turned red-hot like grilled tomatoes.
The Guardian paused.
"…Chosen One?"
Kazuki blinked. "Wait, what?"
"YOU… TASTE OF JUSTICE."
Smile translated: the Emberpick had marked him as worthy. Not because of his skill.
Not because of his virtue.
Because he was chewing it while thinking of flavor balance.
Kazuki, unknowingly, had passed the Trial of Taste.
✦
The Guardian Kneels
The firestorm died down.
The golem bowed its lava-crusted head.
"MASTER OF THE EMBERPICK… HOW MAY I SERVE?"
Kazuki: "Uhhh… I guess just don't crush stuff?"
Hayate landed on the golem's shoulder like it was completely normal.
Smile wore a chef's hat that said FLAME ON.
Kazuki sighed. "Why does everything I touch turn into some kind of epic destiny?? I just wanted a toothpick!"
The golem handed him a freshly carved case of them.
Each radiated gentle heat.
✦
Meanwhile… In Aurelis' Camp
The rival hero sat sharpening his sword.
A squire burst in, panting. "My lord… the Fire Guardian of Mt. Enkai has awakened…"
Aurelis stood. "Another trial has begun?"
The squire gulped. "No, sir. He… he joined Kazuki-sama's party."
The sword snapped in half in Aurelis' grip.
✦
Back at the Fortress
Tala read the latest report with a dead expression.
"Kazuki has apparently tamed an ancient volcano golem by… flossing."
She crumpled the scroll and muttered, "I give it a week before he builds a kingdom by sneezing."
✦
Later That Night
Kazuki sat by a campfire made of enchanted firewood (courtesy of his new golem friend, who now answered to "Boulder Bro").
He leaned against Hayate, flicked his Emberpick, and sighed. "Do you think maybe… I'm not as useless as I thought?"
Hayate didn't reply—but handed him another duck leg.
Smile drew a fiery doodle of Kazuki punching a dragon.
Kazuki grinned. "Okay, maybe just a little cool."
Then the mountain belched lava in approval.