The next few days are spent trying to push past the horrifying reality that our child might not only have the power to control the universe to some extent, but could also be killed by it.
Eventually, I settle into silent prayers with Bucky, hoping I'm wrong, that it's something else, that she'll be fine. But something deep down inside me screams that I'm not.
That at any moment, her life could burn out.
Will it be a month? A year? Will she make it to her high school graduation and then, bam, she's gone? I barely sleep at night. I just stare at her face, watch her breathe. Every movement she makes sends me into a panic.
I know every parent worries about what will happen to their kid, if they'll get hurt, all the bad things in the world that could harm them. But this is different. I always thought she was a super soldier, so I knew she was tough, and I'm strong. I always thought I could protect her. But how the fuck do I protect her from a force inside her that I can't even see?
The same force that can erase half a universe with a snap.
After several days of waiting by the phone for word about this Avenger from Echo, Bucky finally says something different one morning.
"We have to figure everything out."
"Yeah, I know. I'm waiting for the text to do that," I snap, sitting at the breakfast table with my phone laid in front of me. I just stare at it, resting my chin on the edge of the table.
He swipes the phone away and sets it off to the side. "Not that. You and Mira."
I peek an eyebrow in question, looking past him. Mira is lying on her stomach reading, picking at dry breakfast cereal.
"What do you mean?"
"Neither of you are here legally, and she's about to turn five. We need to figure out school for her."
"Listen, I know what I said about wanting her to live a normal life. But I don't think that's an option now. What if she gets angry in class and throws a desk at someone? Or teleports home and everyone thinks she was kidnapped or something? How would we explain this shit?"
He groans and sits across from me at the table.
"She deserves a normal life," he says quietly.
"I agree, but I think there's a limit to what we can do. Plus, I don't really think she needs school."
"Sarah lectured me about how early education is important, and that she needs it. Plus, it'll help her get to know kids her age. Her words, not mine."
I hate to admit it, but they're right. Mira has never known anyone her age. Her friends were Roller, Sierra, and Goliath in Madripoor, and here the closest she's gotten is Sarah's boys, who are older, and who she literally teleported away from.
I chuckle.
"What?" Bucky asks.
"I was thinking about what Sarah told me, how the great Winter Soldier panicked and needed her help while I was gone."
He grins, glancing back at Mira. "Yeah. I didn't know what to do."
"You think I ever did?"
He turns back to me, raising an eyebrow.
"Believe me, I didn't know shit."
"Oh yeah? Because I got lectured by Sarah about how I needed to stay in the bathroom with her during baths, so she doesn't drown."
"Yeah, when she started teething, I literally let her chew on anything to stop the crying. And I mean anything," I retort, a dark chuckle escaping me.
"I didn't know what to feed her aside from what I'd seen her eat, so she had a lot of pancakes, burgers, cereal, and eggs."
At some point, I think this turns into a contest.
"When she was a baby, I couldn't breastfeed, and formula isn't exactly common in Madripoor unless it's got cocaine in it. So every time I bought a new container, I drank one serving and waited to make sure it didn't have drugs in it. I was terrified I'd give her formula laced with something."
Not a proud memory, but we got through it.
Bucky's expression softens, sadness settling in. I hate that he missed all of it. I know he does too. He missed her first tooth, first word, first steps, everything.
"You know Christmas is in two weeks," I whisper.
He lifts an eyebrow. "You told me, you never celebrated it in Madripoor. So, this would be her first."
He tries to hide it, but I see the light return to his eyes, a smile peeking out from beneath his stony expression.
"We should get a tree then. I always had one as a kid."
"Oh yeah? What did the Barnes family do for Christmas?"
"The usual. Tree, presents, dinner, games. My sister and I used to make the decorations together, then we'd decorate the tree as a family."
My expression drops before I even realize it. "You had a sister?"
"Yeah. Rebecca. She was my little sister."
The pain steals that glimmer right back from his eyes.
"You want to talk about her?" I ask gently.
"Nope."
He stands and walks over to Mira, scooping her up and swinging her into his arms, tickling her side. The room fills with her laughter.
"What're you reading?" he asks, glancing down at her book.
"The Road to Reality by Roger Penrose," she says between laughs.
"Oh. Looks pretty thick. Is it a fairytale?" He stops tickling her and picks up the book. Mira leans comfortably against his side.
"No. It mostly talks about quantum theory," she says, like it's a normal subject.
Bucky's eyes dart across the page, utterly confused. Mira has that effect on grown adults. He looks at me with a, what the fuck is this, expression.
I slide my phone back in front of me and shrug.
What does he expect? She's a tiny genius. If Tony Stark were still alive, I'm sure she'd give him a run for his money.