Chapter 1: The Glorious Undoing of Adam D. Vane
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: WELCOME, ADAM D. VANE, TO THE WORLD OF ONE PIECE. PREPARE FOR GLORY. OR, YOU KNOW, DEATH. LOTS OF DEATH.]
"Ah, the sweet symphony of a voice in my head. Always knew I'd end up here, probably after eating questionable street meat. But this? This is new. This is… Shells Town? As in, the place where a certain rubber boy and a green-haired human compass are currently making some bad life choices?"
The first sensation wasn't pain, which was frankly a miracle considering my previous life's track record with Tuesdays. No, the first sensation was… sand. Coarse, irritating, and definitely not the plush mattress I was accustomed to. I blinked, the bright East Blue sun assaulting my unprepared retinas. A seagull shrieked overhead, probably judging my fashion choices – a simple, slightly too-large linen shirt and generic trousers. My previous life, a dizzying blur of spreadsheets and existential dread, had ended with a particularly aggressive pigeon and an open manhole. Not exactly heroic, but hey, at least I wasn't reincarnated as a worm. Progress, people, progress!
"Right," I muttered, pushing myself up. "New world, new me. And by 'new me,' I mean 'same old me, just with a significantly higher chance of being impaled by a swordfish.'" My hand instinctively went to my pocket, and there it was, nestled comfortably: Jack Sparrow's Compass. Shiny, slightly tarnished brass, and utterly out of place. It pulsed faintly, a soft, almost imperceptible hum. "Alright, fancy pants," I whispered to it, "what's the first order of business? World domination? A decent cup of coffee? Or perhaps just finding a bathroom that doesn't involve squatting in the bushes?" The needle spun wildly, then slowly, agonizingly slowly, settled. It pointed directly towards… a rather dilapidated looking Marine base.
"Oh, for the love of all that is holy. It just had to be trouble, didn't it? Not a treasure map, not a delicious pastry, but a literal death trap. My new best friend, this compass, is clearly a sadist. Or perhaps it knows my true calling: being a human punching bag for plot progression."
I sighed, running a hand through my suddenly unfamiliar, slightly longer hair. Dark, messy, definitely not my usual corporate buzzcut. Looked pretty good, actually. "Alright, compass," I said, giving it a playful tap, "if you say so. Let's go find some 'opportunity.' Hopefully, it doesn't involve being eaten by a sea king. I'm not really in the mood for a watery grave this early in my reincarnation."
The walk to the Marine base was… eventful. Shells Town wasn't exactly bustling with excitement, unless you counted the sheer number of Marines who looked like they'd lost a fight with their own uniforms. I passed a few bewildered civilians, probably wondering why some random dude was strolling towards the fortress with the casual air of someone heading to the local grocery store.
As I got closer, I could hear shouting. Distinct, authoritative shouting. And then, a familiar, slightly insane laugh. "Ah, that's the sound of destiny, folks. Or at least, the sound of Monkey D. Luffy being… Luffy." My system, which had been annoyingly silent since its grand pronouncement, chose this moment to make its presence known again.
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: FIRST KILLER DETECTED. MONKEY D. LUFFY. RECOMMENDED ACTION: ENGINEER DEATH. ACQUISITION: GUM-GUM FRUIT.]
A mischievous grin spread across my face. "Well, isn't that just perfect? My first objective is to essentially commit assisted suicide by rubber man. This is going to be hilarious." My compass, bless its little chaotic heart, was now practically vibrating, pointing directly at the source of the commotion. It led me to the main square, where a rather large, pink-haired Marine was having a very public meltdown, a young boy with a straw hat was looking bewildered, and a green-haired man was tied to a cross. Zoro. Right. And Helmeppo. And Captain Axe-Hand Morgan. The gang's all here! It was like a live-action version of my favorite show, only I was actively participating, and the stakes were slightly higher than just forgetting to pay my Netflix bill.
"Alright, Adam," I murmured to myself, "time to make an entrance. A very, very dead entrance."
My eyes scanned the scene. Morgan was ranting, Helmeppo was preening, and Luffy was… well, Luffy was just being Luffy. Distracted. That was my key. Luffy's attention span was shorter than a gnat's, and his aim, when it came to anything not food-related, was questionable at best.
I spotted it: a rusty old cannon, perched precariously on a rickety wooden platform. And next to it, a pile of cannonballs. Perfect. This was my moment.
"Hey!" I yelled, loud enough to cut through Morgan's bluster, but not so loud as to draw too much attention to myself. Just enough to be a nuisance. "Is that thing even loaded? Looks like it's seen better days, like, before the dinosaurs."
Morgan, startled by the random interruption, snapped his gaze towards me. "Who are you, civilian?! Get out of here before I have you arrested!"
"Oh, just a concerned citizen," I replied, strolling a little closer, feigning nonchalance. "Wouldn't want any accidents, now, would we? Especially with all that… explosive material just lying around. Someone could trip. Someone could… accidentally kick a cannonball into the cannon." I punctuated this by subtly nudging a cannonball with my foot, sending it rolling. It wasn't exactly subtle, but Morgan was too self-important to notice the deliberate nature of the act.
Luffy, however, being the chaotic agent of nature he was, did. His eyes, naturally drawn to anything remotely interesting or potentially food-related, fixated on the rolling cannonball. His curiosity, a far more potent force than any Marine's orders, was piqued.
"Oh! A cannonball!" he exclaimed, his voice ringing out.
"No, Luffy!" Coby shrieked, probably fearing for my safety. Bless his naive heart.
"And now, for the grand finale. The part where I die for your entertainment. Don't worry, folks, I've got a respawn timer. Probably."
I watched, almost in slow motion, as Luffy, with the grace of a particularly enthusiastic toddler, wound up for a kick. He was aiming at the rolling cannonball, clearly intending to send it flying. But his attention, as I'd hoped, was slightly off. The cannonball was moving. And I was standing… well, let's just say I was strategically positioned.
"Wait, no, don't—!" I began, feigning panic, taking a step directly into the path of the cannon. The cannonball, propelled by Luffy's surprisingly powerful kick, flew true. Not towards the rolling cannonball, but directly, spectacularly, into my chest.
The impact was… surprisingly soft, given it was a cannonball. And then, everything went white. And silent.
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: DEATH RECORDED. KILLER: MONKEY D. LUFFY. ABILITY ACQUIRED: GUM-GUM FRUIT. REVIVAL INITIATING. PLEASE WAIT.]
"Well, that was… anticlimactic. No bright lights, no tunnel, no judging deities. Just a very polite system message. At least I got what I wanted. Now, for the dramatic re-entrance. Because if you're going to die, you might as well make it a show."
The world snapped back into focus. The sounds of the square, the sunlight, the shouting – it all rushed back in. I lay there for a moment, just breathing, feeling… normal. And then, a tingle, a strange, rubbery sensation in my limbs. I wiggled my fingers. They stretched. Like, really stretched. This was going to be fun.
I sat up, pushing myself off the dusty ground. The crowd, previously a chaotic mess, had gone dead silent. All eyes were on me. Coby was gaping. Morgan looked like he'd seen a ghost. And Luffy… Luffy was staring at me with wide, unblinking eyes, his jaw practically on the floor.
"Huh," I said, stretching out an arm, watching it extend for a good ten feet before snapping back. "Well, that was rude. Did you know you have terrible aim, Straw Hat?"
Luffy, bless his cotton socks, finally managed to stammer out, "You… you got hit! By a cannonball! You're… you're not dead?"
I chuckled, getting to my feet, dusting myself off. "Nope! Turns out, I'm just… incredibly difficult to kill. Like a particularly stubborn weed. Or maybe a cockroach. Take your pick, I'm not picky." I then extended my arm again, this time aiming for the cannonball that had 'killed' me. I snagged it, pulled it back, and held it up. "See? Perfectly fine. Though, I do have a strange craving for meat now. Is that normal?"
Luffy's eyes widened even further, if that was even possible. "You… you're rubber too?!"
"Apparently so!" I said, giving a small, experimental bounce. It felt… weird. Bouncy. And strangely liberating. "Looks like you gave me a rather… stretchy going-away present. Thanks, I guess. Though, a gift card would have been less painful."
Morgan, finally recovering from his shock, bellowed, "Impossible! No one could survive that!"
"Well, Morgan, dear," I said, striking a pose, one arm stretched out dramatically, "it seems you've underestimated the power of… well, me. And perhaps the sheer amount of plot armor I've apparently acquired. Now, about that Marine who's tied up over there… Zoro, right? You really shouldn't keep a man from his naps. Or his swords. Seriously, it's just bad manners."
Luffy, meanwhile, was practically vibrating with excitement. "You're amazing! You're rubber! Join my crew! Be my first mate!"
"Well, that was easier than expected. Though, I'm pretty sure 'first mate' duties don't usually involve dying on command. But hey, I'm flexible. Literally."
I grinned, a genuine, wide grin that felt good on my new, slightly rubbery face. "First mate, huh? Sounds like a job with good benefits. Do you guys get dental? And more importantly, do you have a chef? Because I'm pretty sure I'm going to be constantly hungry now."
Luffy just laughed, a booming, infectious sound. "Shishishishi! We'll find one! So, you'll join?"
"You know what, Straw Hat? I think I will." I turned to the utterly stunned Marines, particularly Morgan, and gave them a theatrical bow. "Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure being dead. But duty calls. And by duty, I mean endless adventure, copious amounts of thievery, and hopefully, finding a woman who appreciates my… unique charm. See ya!"