Chapter 35: The Nova Corps Nuisance (and the Galactic Graffiti) – Or, "Sorry, Xandar, But Your Planetary Defense Needs More Rainbows."
The Nova Corps, still reeling from the cosmic Rickroll incident, eventually sent a formal (and very stiff) diplomatic summons to Earth. They wished to "discuss the egregious violation of intergalactic communication protocols and the inexplicable, synchronized aerial ballet performed by an aggressive Kree splinter fleet." Adam, seeing an opportunity to gather more intel on the Power Stone (rumored to have recently been kept on Xandar), insisted on accompanying Tony and Carol.
' Xandar. Home of the Nova Corps. Which means rigid bureaucracy, strict protocols, and absolutely no sense of humor. Perfect targets for some galactic-scale artistic expression. And maybe, just maybe, I can find out what happened to the Power Stone without actually causing a full-scale interstellar incident. Emphasis on "maybe." '
Their arrival on Xandar was met with cold professionalism. The Nova Corps headquarters, a gleaming, futuristic marvel of architecture, reflected the organization's stern demeanor. Their Starblasters, immense battleships, hovered in orbit, pristine and imposing.
"Adam," Tony warned as they walked through the sterile corridors, "no pranks. No funny business. These guys are humorless. And heavily armed."
"My word, Tony," Adam replied, already scanning the pristine white walls for potential canvases. "I am a beacon of decorum. Unless decorum becomes inconvenient. Then I may deviate slightly."
Their meeting with a high-ranking Nova Centurion, a stern, unyielding individual named Commander Rax, began. Commander Rax immediately launched into a dry, lengthy monologue about interstellar law and the "unacceptable digital vandalism" that had occurred.
"Such actions," Rax intoned, "undermine the very fabric of galactic order. We demand an explanation for the… the primitive musical composition and the unauthorized aerial maneuvers."
Adam, however, had already begun his work. Using his Enhanced Hypnosis (Subtle Mental Suggestion), he focused on Commander Rax. He didn't put Rax to sleep, but instead gently nudged his subconscious mind towards an underlying, repressed desire. A desire for… performance.
Mid-sentence, Commander Rax visibly stiffened. His eyes glazed over for a moment, and then, to the utter astonishment of Tony and Carol, he suddenly burst into a loud, booming, yet surprisingly off-key, rendition of a dramatic galactic opera aria. His voice, usually gruff, now warbled with unexpected passion, his arms gesturing wildly as if on a cosmic stage.
"Oh, Nova Corps, my beloved! Your engines hum, your cannons fire! But my heart, it burns with love for justice! And… and for the plight of the common space-wrestler!" Rax belted out, completely unaware of his own performance.
Tony's jaw dropped. Carol stared, a mixture of disbelief and quiet amusement on her face. P.A.N.D.O.R.A.'s tiny voice buzzed in Adam's ear-comm. "Probability of diplomatic incident: increasing exponentially. Probability of Commander Rax's career surviving this incident: approaching zero. My current operator's enjoyment: maximized."
Adam, with a straight face, clapped politely. "Quite the performance, Commander. A bold interpretation of Nova Corps protocols."
While Tony frantically tried to apologize and Carol suppressed a giggle, Adam quietly pulled out his Go-Away Green from Newt's Suitcase. He aimed it discreetly at the pristine white walls of the Nova Corps headquarters. In moments, vast sections of the building's exterior began to subtly change color, swirling into vibrant, eye-searing patterns of neon pink, lime green, and electric blue. The iconic Nova Corps logo on their main wall transformed into a winking smiley face.
Outside, the Nova Corps ships in orbit, once gleaming silver, began to sport giant, brightly colored polka dots, rainbow stripes, and even a few crude, yet clearly intentional, drawings of space chickens.
Rax, still mid-aria, suddenly saw the horrified expressions on his aide's faces as they looked out the window. He snapped out of his operatic trance. He looked out to see his entire planetary defense force looking like a psychedelic circus parade.
"My… my Starblasters!" Rax shrieked, his voice returning to its normal, furious tone. "They are… they are bedazzled!"
"Just a little artistic flair, Commander," Adam offered, shrugging innocently. "A modern touch. Very eye-catching. Probably deters pirates. Who'd want to hijack a polka-dotted battleship?"
As the Nova Corps descended into a frantic state of alarm, trying to figure out how their ships and headquarters had been inexplicably vandalized with rainbows and polka dots, Tony finally managed to get a word in.
"Commander Rax," Tony said, trying to maintain composure. "Perhaps we can discuss the actual threat, the one that stole the Power Stone, now that we have your… full attention?"
The mention of the Power Stone cut through Rax's fury. His face, still flushed with operatic embarrassment, hardened. "The Power Stone… it was stolen. Weeks ago. By a being of immense power. A… a Mad Titan. We pursued, but… he left a trail of chaos. And a very large… purple footprint."
Rax, flustered and embarrassed, reluctantly shared the Nova Corps's intel on Thanos, including the details of the Stone's recent theft and the overwhelming force of the attacker. He was too mortified by the "galactic graffiti" to hold back information.
As they left Xandar, the vibrant, newly "decorated" Nova Corps ships and buildings were visible for light-years, a testament to Adam's unique brand of chaos.
"Stiels," Carol said, a wry smile on her face, "you managed to get the intel, but you also turned the Nova Corps into the biggest joke in the galaxy."
"Collateral beauty, Carol. Collateral beauty," Adam insisted. "Besides, a little public humiliation is good for galactic diplomacy. Keeps everyone humble. And now, the galaxy knows that when Earth shows up, things get weird. Very weird."
P.A.N.D.O.R.A.'s voice chirped in his ear. "Mission accomplished. Nova Corps morale: 12% and plummeting. Nova Corps's official colors: now undeniably rainbow. My current operator's reputation: solidified as a cosmic enigma. Recommend acquiring glitter cannons for next intergalactic diplomatic engagement."
Adam grinned. Thanos might be coming, but he wouldn't be facing a predictable opponent. He'd be facing a man who fought cosmic conquest with cat videos, tactical ballet, and rainbow battleships. The Cosmic Calamity was looming, but Adam Stiels was ready to meet it with every quirk and quest he could conjure.
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