"Haa… haa…"
"Haaah…"
At some point, Ashen decided to distract himself by immersing himself in his memories.
And soon… he found himself thinking about that one legendary character.
That man was a menace in Ashen's opinion. He was full of mischief and trickery.
It was Sisyphus, the mortal who didn't even spare the gods from his antics.
He even once betrayed a god for a water supply.
It started with Zeus secretly abducting the nymph Aegina to do Zeus's things with her.
But having his daughter abducted obviously didn't please the river God Asopus. Sisyphus knew what had happened, and instead of keeping quiet, which would have been the wise move, he sold the information for a permanent spring of fresh water for his city.
Zeus eventually found out… and the gods were never known for their forgiving customer service policies.
Zeus sent Thanatos to drag Sisyphus to the underworld.
When he was being dragged, Sisyphus pretended to be curious about the chains Thanatos carried, and while Death was demonstrating them, Sisyphus snapped the shackles onto Thanatos instead.
…and just like that, he ended up tricking death itself.
The result of that was that nobody on earth could die anymore.
For a while, battles became absurd. Soldiers were getting stabbed, crushed, and impaled… yet nobody actually died. Eventually, Ares got annoyed with wars being without death and freed Thanatos.
…Death then came back very motivated.
But even after dying, Sisyphus wasn't done.
Before his death, he told his wife Merope not to perform the proper burial rituals.
In the underworld, he complained to Persephone that his wife had dishonored him. Then, he asked permission to go back to the world of the living just long enough to scold her.
And when permission was finally granted and he went back to Earth… he simply refused to return.
Eventually, the gods dragged him back for good. And that's also when they decided the normal punishments clearly weren't enough.
Of course, this was just an imaginary story born of humanity's vast imagination. As were the gods depicted in it.
…Or were they?
Even if it was somewhat famous back in Esperra alongside all the Olympian pantheon Chronicles, Ashen wouldn't have normally remembered it.
And he wouldn't have if not for the final punishment bestowed upon Sisyphus.
That's right. It was the famous boulder punishment.
But Ashen felt a sour feeling when the comparison came up in his head. He was supposed to be doing this as training… so remembering that this was a tool for punishment, concorted even by gods, wasn't by any means pleasant.
Thankfully, unlike him, Sisyphus had it worse, as he was stranded on a hill when the boulder pinned him.
When Ashen read the story back then, he briefly wondered how he must have felt. Well, he didn't have to wonder anymore. He could experience it himself after all.
Some absurd philosophers concluded that Sisyphus must have eventually been happy. The logic behind this wild claim is this: Once someone accepts the struggle, the punishment loses its final weapon, despair.
And without despair in the way, the road to happiness was clear.
Ashen would have cursed the daring philosopher's mother if he had met him now.
He has been stranded here for five months. And it was also true that he had completely accepted the realization that this was just what his life is now.
He stopped imagining freedom.
Sometimes he even forgets there was a world without weight.
But happiness was just as elusive as his freedom.
Instead, he just felt very, very…
tired.
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"How are you doing?"
"..."
Ashen looked at Edward from the periphery of his vision and refused to answer. He had already decided to do his utmost to conserve every tiny bit of energy from now on.
So he didn't even dare feel resentment for his situation, let alone have a chat.
"Still holding on… that's good." his teacher also didn't seem to mind his silence as he kept talking without waiting for an answer.
But was it just him… or did his voice sound worn out?
Also… He noticed that his face was pale… a bit too pale.
'...Is he sick? But can a transcendent even get sick anymore?'
Ashen at least knew that normal sickness couldn't affect him anymore.
"But… Is that all?" Edward pulled him out of his thoughts. It seemed that this wasn't just a routine checkup this time around.
"..."
"Are you satisfied with just this?"
"Won't you try to defy it?"
'I'll die if I try, you bastard.'
Edward looked at him deeply and sighed. Then, he started talking about something completely unrelated.
"Putting your will into mana isn't always about wishing for things to be stronger, sharper, or more enduring."
"The will can be broader. It can be about protecting your allies; it can also simply be about your will to survive… Conversely, it can also be the will to kill your enemies."
"As long as your belief is stronger than your foe, even a drop of mana infused with that belief will be able to topple an ocean of mana."
"…what I'm talking about is… conviction."
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Since he had nothing to do aside from constantly suffering under the rock, Ashen decided to mull over his teacher's words.
He admitted that his thinking had been rather narrow and unimaginative when he used his will to direct mana.
Though one thing bugged him. Edward kept talking about enemies… allies… and having a belief stronger than his foe… but there was no one here aside from himself.
'Wait.'
That was not entirely true. The rock was his biggest for right now.
As for his allies… it was obviously his own body.
'Haah… might as well. Not like I have anything else to do.'
Mana snaked across his body to reinforce him. The rock responded by becoming heavier, but Ashen didn't pay it any attention.
All of his focus was on willing his body to overcome the weight on it.
He could gradually feel his body getting more robust and tenacious as it fought against the pressure, but it was ultimately futile.
His mana ran dry, and the rock didn't retreat an iota.
'Well, I expected that, of course, but who cares anyway. I've got all the time in the world, so I might as well keep trying.'
And so he did.
The second try was the same. And so was the third.
By the tenth, he tried to be smarter about it. He used his Mana Authority to divide the energy into threads. The process was simple since he had already done something similar when he was creating the dream parasites.
But this time, instead of sending the threads outwardly, he kept them in his body and wove them through his skin, muscles, bones, and nerves.
He wove the threads around his heart next, allowing it to pump blood faster. That blood was infused with mana that reached every part of his body.
'Lastly… the will… my conviction.'
'Freedom… I… Will… Be… FREE—!'
Ashen didn't get to finish the thought when he felt his mind go blank. It was as if he arrived at an endless sea of threads in which he had to influence with his will alone.
His intent traveled the first hundred threads before faltering, and the millions of the remaining ones simply dissolved.
'...'
When his mind calmed down enough for thoughts to return, he smiled bitterly. 'It seems I have overestimated myself quite a bit…'
It became clear after this rash experiment.
The more complex and precise the mana is entwined with the body, the more concentration is needed, and the more mental strength is required.
Normally, a person would never encounter this kind of problem because they'd never be able to manipulate their mana with such fluidity and divide it into countless parts while weaving it in such a manner.
Ashen had supreme authority over mana due to his innate skill, which allowed him to bypass that hurdle.
'But the mind is nowhere strong enough to sustain all those threads…'
One thing is for sure, his idea seemed to be sound since he felt in that brief moment when he enhanced the first hundred threads, a part of his body became incomparably stronger.
It surpassed his usual body enhancement by at least ten times.
It was almost reminiscent of his Riven state. But unlike that state, which destroyed his body later due to its crude and rough use of mana, the enhanced part of his body stayed perfectly fine.
'So if I could surpass the hurdle of mental strength and concentration…'
A thin smile finally graced Ashen's lips. 'This would require a lot of time… but that's the least of my concerns right now…'
'Let's go again…'