"What a sad beautiful tragic love affair." -T.S.
I was ready to start a new chapter in my life. I was ready to leave all of this behind but just because I'm ready doesn't mean I won't miss this. I shifted toward him slowly, almost like I was afraid I'd wake us from the dream we were still pretending we weren't in. I slid onto his lap, facing him with the casual ease of countless nights just like this. My hands settled against his chest, which was slowly rising and falling underneath my touch. I let myself just linger there for a moment. His hands found my thighs, he was holding me firmly against him.
But he didn't say anything. Just watched me with those stupidly beautiful eyes, waiting for the punchline he knew I wouldn't say. I leaned in slowly, brushing my lips against his ear but not kissing, just close enough for him to feel the heat of my breath. I wanted to live in this moment a little longer. I didn't want the limited benefits to end just yet.
And then I whispered it, low and certain. "There's one more thing we never got to do."
His fingers tightened ever so slightly on my thighs, and when I pulled back to look at him, his eyes were already wide open and wrecked and burning.
He didn't smile. Didn't smirk. Just stared at me like I was the last page of his favorite book and he wasn't ready to close it.
I whispered again, barely audible this time. "Take me to the stars."
For a second, he didn't move. Just looked at me like he was trying to memorize every second of this moment. And then it clicked, he stood, lifting me with him like he'd done so many times before. My legs wrapped around his waist without thinking, my arms circling his shoulders. No teasing this time. No winks or wisecracks. Just the sound of the ocean behind us, and the weight of everything we weren't ready to let go of just yet.
He pressed his forehead against mine. "Let's go."
He leaned down enough to grab our trash and our blanket still holding on tightly to me, my thighs just as unwilling to let go. He walked us back up to the house, opening the back door slowly.
As we walked through the door, the warm glow of the kitchen lights spilled out, Dani and Marshall in the middle of some quiet conversation. The second they saw us, Dani raised an eyebrow, her smirk widening.
"Here we go again," she teased, leaning against the counter, arms crossed.
Justin, still holding me effortlessly, shot her a glance. "We bought you food so you wouldn't question anything," he said, his voice smooth but playful.
Dani's smirk turned into a knowing smile, but she didn't push. Marshall, on the other hand, barely looked up from his snack, shaking his head with a small chuckle.
"You two are a mess," Dani muttered, her voice full of affection despite the snark.
Justin didn't respond. Instead, he adjusted his grip on me, ready to continue the mission. "Let's go," he murmured, his tone already shifting to business-like.
Before we left, though, he paused and gave me a quick glance. "Wait. We need something."
Justin carried me upstairs, the soft rhythm of his steps echoing through the house as we made our way to my bedroom. He set me down gently on the bed while rummaging through the drawer. I couldn't help but watch him with a mix of amusement and affection.
"Hold on," he muttered, pulling out the box, looking relieved as he grabbed the condoms and shoved them into his back pocket. "This… yeah this will make sure we're not running to the pharmacy again."
I chuckled, shaking my head. "We don't need anymore uh snacks."
Justin smirked and extended a hand toward me. "Let's go get those stars."
And with that, we made the trip back downstairs. Meeting Dani and Marshall's stare, I fought the smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth, not sure if it was from the absurdity of the situation or the fact that they knew exactly what was happening here.
Dani raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything, just leaned a little closer to Marshall. He, on the other hand, shook his head with a small chuckle, clearly entertained.
"I'm just saying," Marshall piped up, eyes twinkling, "a little moonlit romance… the stars, the sky, a real moment, huh?"
I could feel Justin's chest rumble with a quiet laugh, and before I could come up with something snarky to say, he scooped me up again without a second thought, carrying me through the door and into the night.
"I'll give you a 'moment' in about twenty minutes," he grinned, and with that, he stepped outside, heading for the trail with determination.
He carried me all the way out of the driveway, his eyes never leaving mine. I could tell the intensity was growing with every step he took. We made it a few more feet before he set me down.
He leaned down and whispered in my ear. "You really wanna do this?"
I didn't say anything, I didn't even need to think twice about the question. There was no doubt I wanted to do this. It was the perfect way to end us. The same way we started. So instead I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down just enough to where I could be on my tippy toes and still reach him. I pressed my lips against his, gentle enough to reassure him, deep enough to make him want to rush getting up there.
He scooped me up one more time, my legs wrapping around his waist, my arms tight around his neck and he started walking again to the trail we once took two weeks ago. Our lips never left one another.
The moon was bright enough to light a path, the world was quiet enough to feel like we were the only two awake. Once we made it to the base of the trail his steps came to a dead stop and he set me down but never dropped our kiss.
"As much as I'd love to carry you to the stars, we'd get there faster if you walk." He brushed my hair behind my ear and gave me one last soft peck.
Walking up the trail brought back so many memories. I remembered how much I was spiraling because Hannah had just shown up. I questioned whether I was truly attracted to Justin or if it was just an attachment thing because I lost my virginity to him. So much had changed in me, in him, with us. And unlike the last time his hand searched for mine now, and given these were our last moments, I let myself get lost in it.
"Do you remember when we came up this trail?" I tried making light conversation as we began our trek up the mountain.
"I do. The second group had just arrived and you were feeling guilty about wanting to sit on my face. If I recall correctly?" He laughed but he wasn't joking, he remembered it exactly.
"Yeah and then the universe reminded us we shouldn't have been doing anything because it started pouring on us." I squeezed his hand gently and laughed.
It was dark but I could still see the smirk on his face. "Yeah but we didn't do anything up here. We talked the entire night." His voice was steady despite the deep breaths he was taking.
"That's technically true but we did make out when we fell on the way down."
"Eh semantics" he shrugged his shoulders and we continued our hike making light conversation.
We reached the top just as the wind picked up. The sky stretched out above us, all stars and silence. Justin walked over and laid the blanket out on a flat piece of ground. The exact same spot as the last time we were up here. The memories continued to flood and we kicked our shoes off and sat down on the blanket.
And even though we came back for one common goal, I wanted to revel in the small moments a little longer. I scooted myself in front of him, he watched as I got closer. His eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips, I could see the tension and hunger building up. I knew I wanted to tease him, to push him so far he wouldn't be able to hold himself back.
"So," I whispered, letting the word linger like a touch down his spine.
"So," he echoed, voice lower now a little cautious, curious, already losing the fight.
I leaned closer into him, the space between us still there but tighter. "Looks like I'm about to fulfill yet another fantasy of yours," I lowered my voice, my feeble attempt to sound sexy but it never seemed to work for me.
He laughed as his arms reached for my waist. "Is that so? And what fantasy would that be?"
"I believe you said if you were talking about a romantic fantasy, you'd want to fuck under the stars, with the moon shining in the background." My smirk deepened as he bit his lower lip." And while I can't give you the romance part…" I leaned in, close enough to feel his breath catch. "I can fuck you under the stars."
His hands gripped my hips and in one movement he placed me on top of him as he laid all the way back. I held myself up with my two hands by his head and I leaned down just enough for him to whisper in my ear. "Can I have you on top?" His breath was hot against my neck, the tension between us rose faster than it ever had before.
I leaned closer into him, reaching his ear, our chests brushing with every breath. His hand moved to the front of my shorts, unfastening the button before I could get any words out.
"You're getting everything you asked for. Moon, stars, and me—on top." I pushed myself up, still straddling him, my voice low and teasing. "It's your fantasy, after all."
My fingers reached the hem of my shirt, and he watched intensely, reverently as I pulled it over my head.
"You can have me however you want me."
The cool night air kissed my skin as I tossed my shirt aside. His gaze never left me, hungry and wide-eyed, like I was the only constellation in the sky. I stood to my feet and he followed, sitting up before rising to his knees. His hands found the waistband of my shorts, tugging them down with purpose. I thought he would lie back down, but when I tried to lower myself onto the blanket, he held a hand up to stop me.
"I don't care what fantasy you're fulfilling for me," he said, voice low, steady, the edge of a promise in every word. "You always come first."
I let out a breathless laugh at the innuendo but then he lowered his head, and the amusement in me melted to heat. My heart slammed against my ribs as his mouth traveled exactly where I needed it most. My fingers curled into his hair, and my breath tangled in the stars above. His arm wrapped tight around my thigh, holding me in place. My knees weakened with every breath he took, there was something almost devoted in the way he moved, like he was not just touching but worshiping.
Being so out in the open, under the stars was not only exhilarating but freeing. Letting go of everything I'd held back as he shifted his tongue again but this time his movements were ravenous, like a silent promise that he wasn't stopping until I shattered. My legs trembled, not from the cold. He gripped my hips, keeping me exactly where he wanted me.
"Justin…" I gasped, the stars above blurring with each wave that crashed through me.
He didn't say anything. He just looked up at me from between my thighs like he was drowning in me and had never wanted to come up for air.
His touch became more demanding under me, and he knew me too well now, exactly how to pull pleasure from me like a secret I never meant to tell. And then, when I finally broke, my knees buckling slightly, he caught me. Pulled me gently down into his lap like he'd planned it all along. My chest pressed to his, my skin flushed and buzzing.
"You okay?" he murmured, brushing a strand of hair from my cheek. His voice was hoarse, like he'd just run a marathon he'd do again.
I nodded, still catching my breath. "I hate how good you are at that and I hate how much I like it." I wiped his lips with my hands and kissed him softly. Like I was thanking him for what he had done to me.
He grinned and tilted his head back, eyes scanning the stars above us. "Must be the moonlight."
I didn't answer right away. I was too busy watching the way his chest rose and fell beneath me. Still fully dressed. Still smug about what he'd just done. Still looking at me like I was the only thing that existed in this whole damn universe.
I leaned in and kissed him again, this time not softly. Not sweetly. I kissed him like I meant it, like I wanted to take everything back that he'd just given me and give it right back, tenfold. My fingers tangled in his shirt, pulling at the hem until I could slide it up, up, over his head. He let me, arms lifting obediently, his mouth still chasing mine.
I made it to the waistband of his jeans, pausing just long enough for his gaze to snap to mine. And then I unbuttoned them…painfully slow. My fingers dragged the zipper down, teasing, until I had him unwrapped, layer by layer, his boxers next. Every movement intentional, every touch meant to undo him the way he had undone me. The only thing I'd let him do was put on the condom, I wanted to take care of the rest.
He groaned, low in his throat, eyes fluttering closed. I hovered just above him, my hands pressed to his chest, feeling the wild beat of his heart.
"This was your fantasy, wasn't it?" I whispered, voice like silk wrapped in fire.
He nodded, barely. It was all he could manage.
"Then lay back," I told him, voice firmer now. "And don't move."
His breath caught. But he did exactly as I said.
I sank onto him in one smooth motion, my head falling back as a gasp tore from my throat. His hands gripped my thighs, but he let me move, at first. I set the pace, rolling my hips slow, savoring the stretch, the fullness, the dizzy, earth shattering friction.
But it didn't stay slow for long.
Justin sat up, his mouth crashing into mine, and suddenly his arms were around me, his hands dragging down my back, gripping my ass as he started to thrust up into me, matching my rhythm, then taking over completely. I moaned into his mouth, digging my nails into his shoulders, clinging to him like he was the only solid thing on this spinning earth.
We were a tangle of limbs and breath and sound, the sky spinning above us, the stars watching and not daring to look away.
And when it finally broke, when we shattered into each other, it wasn't quiet or gentle. It was wild and raw and desperate and loud. A final, feral ache answered. The perfect, messy end to a fantasy neither of us could've predicted.
We collapsed together, gasping, chests pressed tight, but it wasn't over.
Not even close.
Justin didn't let me move far. Before I could blink, he'd flipped us, my back hitting the blanket, his body covering mine like a wave crashing down. I laughed, breathless, drunk on the way he looked at me. Like he couldn't believe I was real. Like he was already grieving this moment before it ended.
"I thought this was my fantasy," he rasped, mouth ghosting over my jaw, my neck, the hollow of my collarbone.
"You said I could give it to you however I wanted," I whispered back, legs wrapping around his waist, pulling him closer, keeping him there. "So now you can take it. However you need it."
And God, did he take.
He kissed me hard, downright filthy, possessive, open-mouthed kisses that tasted like want and finality. His hips started to move again, slow at first, like he wanted to memorize it all. Like he was afraid to forget the way I felt wrapped around him.
But then something snapped.
The tension flexed too tight between us, and the pace shifted it became harder, faster, desperate. His hand slid under my knee, bringing my leg higher, his other braced beside my head, holding himself up as he drove into me with everything he had. There was nothing soft left between us. Just skin and heat and hands grabbing whatever they could reach.
I clung to him, nails scraping his back, breath caught in my throat. Every thrust knocked the air out of me, every moan from his mouth unraveling something deeper inside of me. It wasn't just sex it was a fucking storm. Wild and consuming and too much and not enough all at once.
He muttered my name like it was a prayer, like he didn't know what else to believe in. And when I came again, sharp and hot and shattering, he followed, burying his face in my neck with a broken sound that hit me harder than anything else.
He didn't move for a long time. Just stayed there, inside me, against me, breathing me in like he wanted to bottle this moment and keep it forever, keep me forever.
And that's when I realized a part of me wished I could let him.
But I swallowed the thought away and just closed my eyes, tangled my fingers in his hair, pretending that stars weren't watching, pretending I didn't want this to end, or that goodbyes weren't already written in the sky.
He finally pulled himself up and off of me. We laid silently and watched the stars glistening above us now.
I was the first to sit up, he watched as I grabbed my underwear and bra. "So was that everything you've ever wanted for your under the stars, on the mountain, romantic minus the romance fantasy?" I laughed as I slipped into my underwear then my shorts.
"More. So much more." He whispered, a small smirk playing on his lips. He finally sat up and reached for his jeans. "Who needs romance when you got friends like us?" He stood up and stretched his arms and legs.
I watched him under the moonlight, and couldn't help but smile. "Exactly!" I responded playfully.
We finished getting dressed in silence, letting the quiet finally drown out our thoughts. I grabbed the blanket and began folding it as he grabbed our "trash", before we ultimately started walking towards the trail.
We made light conversation as we began the trek down, talking about constellations and how the moon controls the tides. We made it about halfway down when I slipped and my ankle rolled underneath me. I swore I was fine but Justin insisted on giving me a piggyback ride the rest of the way down.
"I couldn't carry you all the way up but going down is so much easier." He said and as much as I wanted to fight him on it, the minute I put a bit of weight on my left foot I could feel the sharp pain shooting up my leg.
I hopped on his back, wrapped my arms around his shoulders and my legs around his waist and down the mountain we continued. We couldn't stop laughing at my circumstances, or laughing at how we would explain this one away. The way the world had a funny way of biting me in the ass at every opportunity.
The descent down was definitely easier than going up, considering I was being carried. I felt Justin's tight grip around my legs, and I felt the steady beat of my heart as we got closer to the house. It was about one in the morning so I was hoping everyone was asleep. But as we got closer to the driveway I could see through the window that the kitchen and foyer lights were on. As we quietly opened the door I could hear laughter coming from the kitchen.
"You can set me down, I can walk from here." I whispered in Justin's ear.
"Nah it's fine it's just Marshall and Dani. Listen." He cupped his ear and I heard Dani's very distinctive laugh and Marshall's low voice echoing through the foyer.
I stayed on Justin's back as we entered the kitchen. Immediately Dani and Marshall's eyes darted to us. A wide smile on Dani's face that instantly turned into slight confusion noticing he still hadn't put me down.
"How were the stars?" Her smile beamed but her eyebrows were raised.
"They were bright and so was the moon," I responded, trying to leave what we did vague even though they already knew what was going to happen. Justin set me down on one of the stools by the kitchen counter and then he went into the pantry.
Dani's eyes flicked to me as I pulled my leg over my other leg. Taking my shoe off to see my ankle. "So what happened to you? A sex injury? I used to get those all the time in college." She laughed as she walked over to look at my ankle.
"Not a…sex injury. I just fell when we were hiking back down the mountain." I clarified, I didn't want to over explain because even though I didn't get hurt in that way she would be skeptical regardless.
Her eyebrow raised slightly as she examined my foot. "So I take it you're not mad anymore… now that he had you howling at the moon?" She laughed as the words slipped out of her mouth. My eyes grew wide and if I would've been drinking water it would've been a spit take. I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness and before I could answer Justin appeared out of the pantry with a ziplock bag in hand.
He walked over to the freezer and scooped a few handfuls of ice, and walked over, placing the bag on my ankle. Thankfully it wasn't swollen, just a little red so this ice would definitely soothe the ache.
"I told you I'm fine Justin! It didn't even hurt when I fell." I exclaimed to him but he didn't budge, he pressed the makeshift ice pack a little harder in place.
"Make sure to elevate it a little when you go to bed later." Marshall chimed in, the same knowing grin as earlier.
"She's stubborn man, you know she's not gonna listen." Justin shot him a quick look and couldn't help but laugh.
I kept my eyes on the ice, pretending like I couldn't still feel the weight of his body on mine. He held the bag there the entire time like it was nothing to him to take care of me. And I hated how it made me feel. Because we were just friends. And this little thing between us was ending. And still somehow I felt a little flutter as his hands mindlessly caressed my thigh while we were talking.
And then a different small bubble of anxiousness filled as I thought of Erik and how I would explain this injury when I was supposed to be sleeping. And definitely not out "howling" at the moon with Justin. I let the thought slip for now, as that would be a problem for future August. For now a simple text about how I "fell down the stairs" would do.