"Chisato… Yuki…"
Ayumi stammered as she entered the classroom. She thought she was ready to take on her friends if she had to though not appreciating the thought. But when she came face to face with them, the girl stood in her place, still and hesitant. Her gaze kept bouncing between the other two girls, her pupils roaming the white of her eyes lost in thoughts and colored by shades of dejection, frustration and bitterness. Usually, when the three of them would stand in a similar position, it would be Ayumi leaving her house while the two of them waited for her at the corner by the end of the street, as they went together to the school most of the days, waving at each other and smiling as she ran up to them. This time; all their stares were weighed down by different heaviness; feelings of despondency, rejection, and jealousy. Neither Chisato nor Yuki initiated any attacks, or seemed about to do so. The situation in this classroom was totally different from the maddening rage that was going outside in the recess and teachers rooms.
"I know there are apparently some issues between us that we were not aware of… but right now we cannot let that woman play us into them…"
Ayumi started trying to ease the tension that her careful words only escalated it inside everyone. Chisato, as was her habit, was the first to point to any fault.
"Will you quit it? Pretending to be the nice and wise one!"
"What woman are you talking about? No one has anything to do with anything right here!"
Yuki added, though with a far less aggressive tone while Chisato went on with her rampage:
"You know how each of us feel, yet you think you are more superior… if there is anyone playing another into anything, it is YOU playing along us as if we are beneath your brilliant abilities and brain level!"
"This is utterly untrue! It is laughable to say this!"
It was Ayumi this time who raised her voice, anger suddenly filling her lungs and spirit.
"Well, you cannot deny you are a little bit arrogant… and like to take the lead of everything…"
Ayumi was stopped in her track by shock, for the words did not come out of Chisato, but rather from Yuki who was hanging her head low to the side, in a shy tone, as if hesitant to admit that she agrees with Chisato to a certain level.
"You too, Yuki?"
Yuki looked Ayumi in the eyes for a brief second before turning her gaze away again.
"Why did you not tell me you felt this as well?"
"I am not that good at making friends, not many can tolerate my weird interests and then you approached me…and seemed kind enough… I really tried to support you but you never opened up to me, I was never as good as Chisato!"
"That's not true…"
"Yuki do not be fooled by that!"
Chisato interrupted Ayumi's trial at defending and clarifying herself.
"You knew very well that I never liked you but you wanted to believe that! How on earth can I warm up to you and be your friend? But that was my only option instead of open humiliation and constant comparison!"
Chisato addressed her words to Ayumi, who was still struggling against letting them sink into the truth pool.
"I truly enjoyed your company… "
Ayumi spoke, closer to a whisper she did not dare to spit out loud in fear of the girl's answer which burst out immediately, lacking no anger or cruelty.
"Well I did not for a single moment! "
Chisato shouted out loud, taking even Yuki in surprise at the direct loath - laded confession.
"I know this is not entirely true… there have been of course some misunderstandings and pressures… but that doesn't mean…"
"Oh stop it! There is nothing but a foolish play here!"
Chisato interrupted Ayumi's desperate trial at pacifying and neutralizing the situation once again, with a sharp voice, almost a shriek, wrestling with a ting of rejected tears and pain.
"You are not a fool, do not play along it! We are all tired of playing these roles routinely!"
"We are tired, aren't we?"
Ayumi merely whispered, mostly to herself. Chisato went on with her rampaging speech:
"Can you even imagine what is has been like to me?! Pretending to like you and care for you… pretending to cherish you and our famous "friendship"? While Everyone knows what I am trying to avoid… the pity, the constant comparison… how I was the best in school before you came… coming always in second place to the same person while you are unfazed, keeping a cool head and an arrogant triumph!"
"You did what you could, just as I did. This stupid competition was won fair and square."
Ayumi found herself replying coldly to her supposed "best friend", as if reassuring her twisted theories.
"Stupid? If it really meant nothing to you, then you would have let me win, at least for a semester… but instead you worked and studied like a haunted spirit, taking the fear of me surpassing you as your sole motive!"
"I cannot deny that, I am afraid. It is unfortunately what my world revolves around, just like you with a slight difference… I am simply more hard working, and smarter."
Chisato's face paled as if a bucket of cold water and ice was thrown over her, her cheeks flushed with anger, nails digging to her fisted palms almost drawing blood. But every word Ayumi had uttered, she knew deep down to be true. She was fighting a losing battle. Meanwhile, as the girl was suddenly overcame by silence and calmness, Yuki was listening and staring at the two in surprise. Chisato's rage was long revealed, but this unusual coldness and ruthlessness in Ayumi's words were something new the short - haired girl had not witnessed or imagined Ayumi was capable of. Even Ayumi herself, did not know how she could spill the tea clear and loud without a tint of self – blame. Was it Laila's power overcoming her senses at last? Was she surrendering herself to a dark side of her ego, was she losing her temper and kindness over a stupid school rivalry? But it was not stupid, there were both students, with nothing more to look forward to. It was an essential stage of one's life, not passed smoothly for everyone with moments of hard work and jealousy over-weighing the moments of fun and laughter. Was that wrong? Perhaps. Was it necessary? Without a doubt.
"God…" Chisato swiped her sweaty falling bangs away from her face as she regained her composure. "Pretending to be your friend is harder than actually being your rival!"
"You actually think so?"
Ayumi replied, with a slight sarcasm new to her tone. Chisato huffed and shrugged her shoulders, contemplating for a brief moment before looking her "best friend" directly in the eyes and answering with a bitter smile:
"I know if I remained distant from you, the students and teachers will never stop comparing. Even when I got close to you, they never stopped but it was easy to wave away their mockery with the pretense of wishing what is best for you and that I don't care much about being on top. I know it is not true for me, but it is not true for you either… and on top of that… you always pretend to be calm and nice, as if you really care for my happiness while you are in a matter of fact, hugging it away all to yourself! You never dare to say the opposite to any opinion I claim, you never disagree with me on anything … the simplest thing… you don't even voice your opinions… where you would like to actually go, how you would like to spend the day… and go with my plans! Because they don't matter to you! Not because you are being caring with me! If you really considered me a real friend you would feel confident enough to suggest a place or an activity! But the time we spend together means nothing to you… even when, at rare occasions, was actually fun and real!"
Ayumi halted her angry words for a moment, was Chisato trying at a certain time to grow out of her jealousy and become a true friend to her? Yet in some twisted way, being much too agreeable and silent had ruined the chance? Then the third girl's voice took Ayumi's attention. Yuki sadly stated:
"It is true, you always seems bored with us, just going with the flow pretending to be having a good time… we are not that stupid… all what you care about is going home and studying… you made us feel like we were rubbing you of an important additional time you can study through or spend it alone…"
"Like the time spent with us is wasted and means nothing! This is true, face it! We are not just the liars here! You lied and believed yourself to be doing us a favor!"
Chisato added, and both girls words made sense. It was true. It was in Ayumi's nature to dedicate herself to what she deemed important. And for a teenage girl, that was her study and future, ensuring success no matter how much she craved friendship, it was never a priority or something that satisfied her, because it fell into routine as well. A routine that granted nothing unlike the previous choice. So they were all acting at the end, and they were equal in blame. But Ayumi playing nice and never being intrusive or demanding was not an act; it was her nature. She did not know how to make friendship work, she feared coming as too aggressive and appearing self – centered, but she still ended up proving to be such to her friends with her attempts to not look so. Still, the words hurt and she felt that sting of pain more deeper and hurting than what she anticipated it would. She was bored, everyone was boring, she wanted something new, exciting, away from her usual routine… an escape. And even when the escape came, she was still hesitant to accept it and give it time more than her plans for the future, and on top of it, now her everyday "routine" friends got involved in it somehow taking the magic out of it, her little dream, her imaginary haven. At least with Reiha and Chiyasu she could be herself, fearing nothing. Because if it was all in her imagination then there was no harm to come, and second if it was real as she had finally accepted, they were bound by some oath to her. God, even this idea of friendship was selfish… maybe she was not the best friend out there for anyone for real.
"Since you had all of that figured out about me, why did you remain with me? If I am such a bore and a liar like you?"
"We do not even that close to you in that department!"
Chisato said with a vicious smile, and Ayumi for some reason, could not take anymore. Maybe she was pretending, but never did she wish for the harm Chisato wished for her, and Ayumi was so certain the girl did relentlessly. Chisato's emotions and statements shifted too fast Ayumi could no more tell what was actually true and what was false. But just listening to them judging non - stop agitated her blood. Especially Chisato's words and attitude. She did not care if these was her true feelings or Liala's darkness overcoming her senses, she rushed toward the girl all of a sudden, pushing her down with an unexpected force causing her to fall down with a thud and a cry of pain while another one of shock covered her face. Falling down, the girl grasped to the first thing she could get her hand on in order not to fall too hard but unfortunately for Ayumi, it was her own bag that fell alongside Chisato, amidst Yuki's shocked scream.
"Ayumi!"
Ayumi retreated back, regaining her senses after the transient relief that act provided.
"Chisato… I am… I am so sorry… are you alright?"
She wanted so much to give her a hand and help her stand, but her arm felt heavy and paralyzed. The pushed girl rubbed her head and back in pain but her face was smiling as she gripped what fell out of the bag.
The Crown of Light.
"My, my! What a narcissistic girl! You even made yourself a tiara! How vain are you?"