Tonight, we're celebrating our "new jobs" and degrees with drinks. Everyone's here, loyal as ever, waiting for the last of our cohort to finish their thesis before we could finally go out. Not everyone got the position they hoped for, but I did. I'm continuing my work with my thesis advisor, David Taylor. Between teaching, setting up experimental protocols, and navigating the never-ending maze of university administration, my days are packed.
"Deirdre, hurry up!"
I hear Amy's voice call from the hallway. She is my bubbly roommate. I glance in the mirror one last time before she bursts in to scold me for taking too long. I'm dressed simply: a black sleeveless, form-fitting dress, a long cardigan with lunar patterns, my black Dr. Martens boots, and just a touch of makeup—black eyeliner and dark purple lipstick. When I leave my room, the contrast between Amy and me couldn't be more striking. She's tall, with perfect tan skin and dressed in jeans and a geeky T-shirt. And I am me, a small pale thing, with long white hair and full black clothes.
"They're waiting outside. Ready?" She asked.
"Yeah…" I tried to convince myself.
I'm not a fan of going out. It's a fact. I'm not a big drinker, and the thought of getting drunk doesn't appeal to me. I'd rather watch the others indulge. Tonight, we've chosen a bar where visiting researchers give mini talks over beers. Even when we're out trying to have fun, we still find a way to learn something. That's my kind of high.
Outside our building, we meet Steph, Bryan, and Chris, three of my colleagues from the cohort. We've known for a while we'd end up here together, circling each other from a distance, but it wasn't until we were all accepted into the PhD program that we really started talking. Steph is tall, black, with a shaved head, not especially muscular. Chris is a little blonde guy with a beard, always in jeans and a flannel shirt. Bryan is the most average-looking of the bunch, with brown hair, a light beard, and a style that matches Amy's. We've joked about them swapping clothes at times. Bryan is the last to finish his thesis, and he's still waiting for his dream job. Tonight, we're marking the end of his student years and a bit of comfort while he figures things out.
The bar is pretty typical, with a small stage at the back, a pool table, and a long counter. A few tables are scattered around, some empty, others crowded with familiar faces.
"A beer?" The barmaid barely looks at me while asking.
"A Tripel, please."
"The talk will be right behind you in 30 minutes." She hands me my beer and turns to other customers.
Luckily, a table in the back is free. I settle in, not really listening to the conversation. The old faux-leather bench is comfortable, and I can't help but watch the guys eyeing Amy. It's obvious that Steph and Bryan are flirting with her. Chris and I are more reserved. He's never shown any interest in any of us, but I know Amy's already brought the first two home, along with a number of other students. As for me, I'm more selective when it comes to my choices.
The beer begins to make me feel warm. I slide off my cardigan, revealing the backless dress that stops just above my hips, held together by thin straps. The tattoo of the lunar cycle that runs down my spine becomes visible as my long white hair falls to one side, exposing the intricate design.
I try to focus on the talk, but I can't. The psychology of happiness? It's too shallow for me. Too sugary. I scan the crowd and spot a few familiar doctoral students. I'm not surprised to see them here. Tonight's not the night for picking up strangers, anyway. Fortunately, the talk wraps up sooner than expected, and Amy's ready to move on to something other than discussing the night's theme.
"Did you see who's here?" Amy leans towards me while looking behind me.
"I caught a glimpse. Nothing interesting enough to bring home."
"You're wrong." She insists, pointing at my advisor. "Do you know why he's here?"
There, in the middle of the crowd, is David, talking to a few people just a few meters behind me. He's wearing jeans and a simple shirt, his long gray hair down and that familiar three-day beard. He's only 40, but his hair has always been gray. And at 1.90 meters tall, he's often the biggest person in the room, his physique lean and muscular. His eyes lock onto mine, and I quickly turn back to Amy, embarrassed to have been caught staring.
"Shit, he saw me staring!" I turn to Amy quickly, praying he would not come.
"So what? You two are odd together."
"We haven't spoken since I messed up our last work session…" I try to keep my voice low.
"Oh, stop. It's nothing!" Her voice is everything but low !
She pats my shoulder as if that will make things easier. After all the effort I've put into hiding my illness, I feel mortified by my failure. I almost fainted from pain during a work session because endometriosis decided it would mess up with me that day.
"Good evening, Deirdre…" I can feel him behind me. Towering me.
That deep voice. I recognize it instantly. Amy gives me an awkward smile and steps away, throwing me a wink as if to give me courage. I slowly turn to face David.
"Hey… What a surprise!" I tell myself to keep it together.
"Yes, I thought you weren't interested in topics like this." He seem suspicious.
"Haha, no, not really. We just wanted to celebrate our degrees and new jobs."
"Oh… Are you hungry?"
"Uh… Yes?" I'm perplex, is that too obvious for him ?
"May I invite you? We're going to lose our minds if we listen to any more of this positivity tonight…"
He offers me a smile. His smile always does something to me. He's just as uninterested in these cheesy conferences as I am. Happiness is fine, but too often these events turn into long, tedious discussions about how to be the happiest person on Earth through meditation, acceptance, resilience, and all that stuff. Not for us. So, when the offer comes, I don't hesitate. Between hunger and boredom, setting aside my embarrassment is easy.
"Yes! Anything to get out of here." I whisper.