Previously on Yes, I Was Reborn. No, I Don't Want a Harem. Stop Looking at Me Like That:
Kael accidentally became royalty, again. He broke the Mask of Echo. He screamed at the heavens, gave a speech he barely remembers, and got crowned by the System as an Echo Sovereign against his will. Also, Fluffernox may or may not be a minor deity now. Unconfirmed. Spoon is investigating.
And now, the world?
The world is having a tantrum.
The first clue something was wrong was when the sky declared me an international incident.
Not figuratively.
Literally.
The moon, once a loyal participant in the night sky, now blinked with SYSTEM WARNING: UNAUTHORIZED SOVEREIGN DETECTED in glittery celestial font.
Stars formed a passive-aggressive loading symbol. Clouds spelled out please hold while the narrative recalibrates.
I blinked. "Spoon?"
"Yes, Unholy Abomination?"
"Why is the moon mad at me?"
"Because you tripped, fell, glitched through metaphysical continuity, and became the reincarnated heir to a power that was never meant to exist. Also, your vibe is off."
Valid.
We returned to the Academy grounds just in time to see the welcome committee.
And by welcome committee, I mean: a full marching band, three dueling professors, seven protest banners, and a spontaneous harem-themed musical number led by the theater club.
Belladonna elbowed me. "You owe me five gold. I said they'd have choreography."
"They have a choreographer," I muttered, as a student pirouetted by with a flag that read KAEL 4 GOD-EMPEROR (JOKING. UNLESS??)
Spoon muttered, "I've seen cults start with less."
Mirielle appeared beside me, glowing with the radiant light of someone who absolutely did not spend the last week dodging emotional confessions.
"Kael," she said sweetly, clutching her prayer beads, "the Holy Temple would like to clarify: if you're a vessel of divine error, they would prefer a 3–5 day advance warning before your next apocalypse."
"I can pencil in Thursday?"
"Much appreciated."
The System pinged me during breakfast.
Not politely. No. It shoved its way into my mind with the elegance of a caffeinated squirrel.
SYSTEM ANNOUNCEMENT:
DUE TO ESCALATING GLITCH THRESHOLDS AND WIDESPREAD ANOMALY CONTAMINATION,
THE SACRED ECHO VESSEL TOURNAMENT WILL BEGIN IMMEDIATELY.
PARTICIPATION: MANDATORY.
WINNER: ECHO THRONE.
PRIZE: SURVIVAL.
Belladonna choked on her tea.
Aureline leaned over the table. "Did it just say survival as a prize?"
"I'm beginning to think the System was programmed by someone who lost a lot of games and decided to be petty about it."
Fluffernox, sitting on my toast, burped out a divine rune.
"Bless you?"
It sneezed again. The rune caught fire.
Mandatory tournament arc, I thought, stabbing my eggs.
You know. Like you do.
Let's recap:
I am not a warrior.
I am barely a functioning person.
I once lost a duel to a tree.
The Spoon tried to train me once and we both cried.
And now I was apparently the face of the Echo Tournament.
Like I was a cereal box mascot.
Like some kid would wake up one day and pour a bowl of Kael-O's and go, "Wow, tastes like existential dread and suppressed emotional trauma!"
"You need to train," Belladonna said.
"I need a vacation."
"You need both."
"I need several hours to lie facedown in the grass and pretend I'm a rock."
Spoon floated down in a sparkly cape.
"Good news! I applied to be your coach."
"You WHAT."
"The System accepted. I even got a clipboard."
"We're all going to die."
Later that day, the tournament roster was posted.
I checked it with the resignation of a man who knows the next several weeks of his life are going to be filled with swords, existential screaming, and romantic tension he didn't ask for.
ROUND ONE: KAEL vs. LORD VYTHER, ECHO OF VIOLENCE.
I blinked.
"Echo of what now?"
Spoon peered over my shoulder. "He once killed a man using a blade made from his own regret."
"Cool cool cool cool."
Belladonna grabbed the parchment. "You're not doing this alone."
"Can you duel for me?"
"No."
"Can you intimidate him with bureaucracy?"
"Also no."
"Can you at least bake cookies and pretend I made them to bribe the judges?"
She paused. "...Maybe."
That night, I sat outside the dorm, watching the stars glitch slightly.
Spoon hovered nearby, unusually quiet.
"You okay?" I asked.
"I'm thinking."
"Dangerous."
"Shut up. I'm being sincere."
I blinked.
"I've coached anomalies before," Spoon said. "Some cracked. Some ascended. One turned into a tree and started a philosophy club."
"Please don't let me become foliage."
"No promises."
We sat in silence.
The System pinged again.
PRELIMINARY ROUND BEGINS IN 72 HOURS.
GOOD LUCK, KAEL.
WE BELIEVE IN YOU.
(MARGINALLY.)
I lay back in the grass, stared at the sky, and muttered:
"This is fine. Everything is fine. Definitely not spiraling into a magical battle royale to determine the fate of my soul and the systemic integrity of a broken fantasy world."
Pause.
"Spoon, are you crying?"
"No. I'm just leaking heroism."
Next Time on Yes, I Was Reborn. No, I Don't Want a Harem. Stop Looking at Me Like That:
Chapter 72 — "Training Arc of Mild Regret"
Kael trains. Kael fails. Spoon nearly explodes. Belladonna tries to teach Kael to swordfight and accidentally flirts with him while threatening to stab him. Fluffernox learns how to juggle. It does not go well. Also: someone steals Kael's pants.