The large Land Rover traveled at a steady speed along the relatively empty road. Atikom maintained a moderate pace with soft music playing. Anupap sat motionless, gazing out the window as if fascinated by the passing landscape. The young man listened to the song currently playing on the radio station, its heartfelt lyrics making him think of the two young men who had entered his life.
Never felt this way
Can't find the words to say
Your smile just broke me down
Don't know myself right now
Thought I had control
Now I'm losing my soul
This ain't who I used to be
What have you done to me?
"Let me catch up on the news for a bit. I haven't heard any current affairs for two whole days while playing celebrity."
Suddenly Atikom switched the radio to a news station.
Anupap's train of thought stumbled to a halt. The image of Chavis vanished, leaving only Atikom behind. He wondered—whose smile between these two men was it that made him feel as if he'd been broken down.
Asanai laughed at Atikom's playful comment. The young man struck up a conversation with Atikom about the commercial shoot and the car model they were currently marketing.
Asanai turned to ask Anupap's opinion about advertisements that help boost car sales, then shifted to other topics. He was an engaging conversationalist who could talk about anything. Asanai's cheerful, lively personality kept everyone in the car chatting throughout the journey, no matter what subject came up.
"P'Kom, do you still ride your Harley Davidson?" Asanai turned to ask Atikom.
The young captain fell silent for a moment. He began to feel uncertain about what Asanai was trying to do.
"Well... uh... I have the Land Rover now, so why would I ride a motorcycle?"
"You ride a Harley too? That's so cool." Sombat caught on to Asanai's lead. He knew Asanai was about to reveal that he'd known Atikom before.
"Exactly..." Asanai responded briefly.
A moment of silence fell over the car.
"But motorcycles are more fun to ride... they make you feel free, boundless."
"As I've gotten older, I've come to prefer different things." Atikom answered evenly, stealing a glance at Anupap through the rearview mirror.
"Do you remember, when you rode up onto that overpass and said you wanted to leap off like in the movies? That must have been quite a thrill to watch."
"Oh wow, doing that would've gotten us killed for sure." Atikom laughed, unable to resist glancing at Anupap from the corner of his eye.
Whatever's going to happen has to happen, Atikom thought to himself. Asanai was about to reveal that he'd known him before, but now they were all adults—he probably wouldn't say anything too personal. If it came to that, it would be unseemly. Asanai worked at an executive level and surely understood that the physical relationship they'd briefly shared for a few weeks wasn't something to bring up in this context.
"How long have you and the Captain known each other, Khun Asanai?" Anupap asked, cutting straight to the heart of the matter so they could stop dancing around it.
Atikom startled, not expecting Anupap to cut through the pretense so directly. This was a new side of him he was just seeing. The young police officer smiled slightly, knowing exactly what Anupap was thinking.
Khun Nu... you don't hold back at all, do you?
Asanai explained that he'd met Atikom after finishing high school, during the nearly year-long gap before going abroad to study. They used to hang out together, along with another friend who was also part of their group. Once he went overseas, they lost touch.
"When I saw his photo, I was shocked. I never thought we'd meet again. Back then, P'Kom had just graduated from the police academy." Asanai gave a rough outline of their past.
Atikom felt relieved. At least Asanai was mature enough not to say anything inappropriate. He knew this was ancient history, but he didn't want it interfering with this moment... this time when Anupap was beginning to warm up to him... this time when he couldn't help thinking that Anupap was starting to like him too.
Atikom remembered the expression on Anupap's face when he'd taken him to see the meteor shower. He had looked shy and nervous when they were close together, just the two of them in that romantic atmosphere.
If I push just a little more... this time I'll definitely get to kiss his cheek... just please don't let Asanai or any of his past interfere with this...
***