Emilia was lying down, awake but with no energy to get up. I noticed the melancholy grip she held on her pendant. As I expected, Puck's magic crystal was broken.
"So it already happened."
I wouldn't miss him, not one bit. I never understood the character and couldn't empathize with him.
"Leandro?" Emilia called to me in a weak voice when she noticed my presence.
"Yes, it's me." I quickly took a seat next to the bed.
She gave a sad smile. There was a glimmer of nostalgia in her eyes. Recalling her memories must have deeply moved her. I could easily understand, because I was going through something similar.
"You look tired." She commented.
"Ah, a lot happened today."
I tried to hide it. I didn't feel like going into detail about everything, especially if I had to omit details so Emilia wouldn't find out about Roswaal. If she found out what was happening behind the scenes, she'd lose what little emotional stability she had at that moment.
"Is everything alright? I didn't hear anything."
"I had a 'discussion' with Garfiel because I want his permission to take the villagers out and bring them back to Arlam. The rest of the day was spent working and organizing things."
"Ah, I see. It must have been complicated."
"Not so much, but it was exhausting."
I rubbed my eyes to concentrate. I could already feel the characteristic chill of drowsiness. For a moment, I stared into space, lost in my thoughts.
"It's confusing, isn't it?" I said suddenly.
"What's confusing?"
"Getting your memories back."
"Do you know about that...? How?"
"I spoke with Puck earlier today. He explained everything to me."
Mentioning her spiritual father was a bad idea. Emilia's beautiful face darkened.
"He's gone, this time for real..."
I didn't comment on it. My own mood was pretty bad too, so I couldn't think of anything upbeat to say. Besides, I was having trouble staying awake.
Emilia must have noticed my unusual attitude, because she stared at me curiously.
"Are you OK?"
"Um... Yes, I got a little distracted by my thoughts." I made a face as if to say 'it doesn't matter'.
"And what are you thinking about?"
I couldn't tell her I was thinking about suicide. Even though I no longer felt the urge to do it, my mind kept nagging me for not breaking this cycle.
As if losing the revolver (one of my trump cards) wasn't bad enough, there was also Rem's declining mental health. All of this was my fault, by the way.
I wanted to do things my way. I was arrogant to believe that everything would turn out well for me.
Logic told me that starting a new loop was the best course of action. Honor told me I was a coward for moving forward after hurting Rem. I knew I wouldn't become someone like Roswaal by killing myself once or twice to correct my mistakes.
However, was it really necessary? No one had died in this loop. It was still possible to achieve a good outcome.
Excuses. Once again, the only voices I heard were those of fear, selfishness, and self-preservation.
"I made some serious mistakes." I explained bitterly. "Right now, I can't decide whether it's worth trying to sacrifice... my principles to fix everything or whether I should hold on to the hope that everything will somehow work out."
Setting aside her own worries for a moment, Emilia focused on telling me what she thought about my dilemma. Her amethyst eyes seemed to sparkle in the dim light.
"Well... I think we all make mistakes, some more than others. I'm not good at giving advice, and I'm definitely not in a position to do so, but I think that if following your principles did more good than harm, I think you should give yourself another chance. If you ask me, I personally think you're an admirable person, so I don't want you to give up on yourself."
"I see. What you're saying makes sense."
It was incredible that despite going through an identity crisis, Emilia managed to encourage me. Nevertheless, I still felt like a piece of shit.
"I hope you're right..."
I sighed deeply. This wasn't the first time I'd chickened out when faced with an important decision. My own life had been defined by such pivotal moments. Something told me this act of cowardice would have the same consequences in the future.
"I suppose you're also worried that I won't be able to pass the trial..."
Emilia timidly expressed her conjecture.
"No, in fact it's quite the opposite." I denied. "If there's one thing I'm sure of, it's that I can leave this matter in your hands."
My answer made the half-elf's eyes widen.
"Do you really have that much faith in me?" She sounded almost worried, as if my show of confidence was something insane.
"I know you better than you think. I know the kind of person you are, and I'm convinced that you can... no, that you will achieve it."
"I think I'm going to disappoint you." She said, making a sound of distress. "Right now, I don't even know who I really am. I've forgotten so many important things, even my mother... Will I still be the same when I remember everything?"
"Pfft."
Emilia was surprised to hear me stifle a laugh. I hadn't meant to laugh at that serious moment, but my body needed to release some of the tension I'd built up that day.
"What do you find funny?"
"Don't worry about your memories. They're just images from the past that you can treasure, or use as a learning experience. The only thing that matters is what you feel and want, right now."
If I had to worry about those things, I'd be having an existential crisis right now. She seemed to be going through that stage.
"I feel confused, and scared, and alone..."
I nodded slowly, with a gesture of understanding, as I listened to her vent.
"I want to rest and believe that everything will be better tomorrow..."
"It will be." I asserted. "Because you're very strong. You'll get through this."
Emilia lowered her gaze, but nodded affirmatively, as if wanting to agree with my opinion.
"Would you stay with me, please?"
"Of course." I replied immediately, then smiled mischievously. "Just don't snore this time."
"Oh!" She blushed. "I don't do that!"
"I know. But I wouldn't mind if that were the case, because I accepted you into my heart with all your flaws and virtues. Nothing you do will change how I feel about you."
My statement intensified the blush on the half-elf's face, which puffed out her cheeks.
"Heavens... You always find a way to make me feel stupid for being sad."
She smiled and took my hand, being more assertive than the night before (speaking in Emilia's standards, of course).
"Thank you for supporting me whenever I have problems."
"You're welcome, but... I wouldn't complain if you gave me a little kiss as a reward." I joked.
"K-Kiss?!" Her entire skin turned a furious red. "Do you want me to have a...?"
"No, I didn't mean that!" I was about to jump when I realized my mistake. "Ugh, forget it!"
Emilia's face was a picture. After I explained, her features slowly returned to normal. I think she got quite a fright.
I would have done the same in her place. Having children before thirty? No way.
"Wait, don't jump to conclusions!" She waved her hands in front of me. "It's too soon, but it's not like I hate the idea. With everything you've done for me, the least I can do is give you a proper reward..."
I'm pretty sure she was the one who jumped to (wrong) conclusions.
"We'll talk about that another time." I said to end the matter and avoid more misunderstandings.
"Mmm, okay." Emilia nodded and looked down, showing a thoughtful expression.
We remained silent. She rested her head on the pillow and looked at me.
"Good night." She said softly. Her eyes told me she wanted to say something more, but she didn't.
"Sleep well."
Emilia fell asleep after a while, and I lay staring into space for the next hour. Finally, my eyelids grew heavy, and I yawned wearily.
"I'm really sleepy and my body is definitely going to hurt tomorrow if I sit like a fucking statue all night."
My gaze automatically went to the bed. It was quite wide, large enough for two people to lie down comfortably. For some reason, Emilia had settled near one edge, leaving plenty of room on the opposite side.
It didn't seem like a coincidence. Anyway, I don't believe in coincidences.
"Well, Puck can't freeze my balls anymore..."
Determined, I slipped onto the mattress with extreme stealth, careful not to disturb Emilia's sleep as I snuggled up with her under the covers. The temperature inside the bed was comforting.
"She's too pure and innocent, and I'm getting into her bed. I feel like I'm doing something forbidden, but I've already done enough stupid things today. What's one more stripe on the tiger?"
Incredibly, I didn't actually have a single lustful thought in that situation. Perhaps it was because I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep.
"I hope I haven't misunderstood everything. If she reacts badly when she realizes, I'm going to lose too many points. Nah, I don't think she'll take it badly; she's too nice. Ah, why am I thinking about that now? I can deal with it tomorrow."
Finally, I closed my eyes and shut down my mind to surrender to lethargy.
***
I woke up gently. My body felt refreshed and my mind calm. I was so comfortable that I wasn't in any hurry to get up.
"Finally, a good night's rest. I really needed it."
"Good morning." Emilia's voice startled me slightly. She had been silently watching me without my noticing.
"Good morning to you too... Have you been awake long?"
Emilia shook her head. Frankly, she'd expected a reaction of discomfort or embarrassment, but she was taking it well.
"Just for a little while. I didn't want to move too much because you looked so peaceful sleeping."
"I'm sorry, my back was hurting and I saw there was plenty of room here..."
I offered a timid apology, but I looked more like a creepy old man trying to take advantage of a naive girl. I didn't even know how I could be so brazen in that situation.
"Actually, I was going to suggest it myself, but I didn't want to seem like a scared kid..."
"I would never think that of you." I smiled maliciously again. "Besides, kids don't snore."
"Leandrooo!" She complained adorably.
I burst out laughing as Emilia pouted. I was going to tease her a little more, but she threw me off when she came over and suddenly grabbed my hand.
"I'm so glad you stayed. I was afraid I'd wake up and you wouldn't be here. How silly of me, I should trust my future knight more..."
The way she was looking at me was making my pulse race. I could feel my face getting hot and probably turning red.
Emilia noticed this and raised an eyebrow.
"Are you nervous about something?"
"Yes... I'm terrified you might smell my morning breath." I said, stuttering a little.
She burst out laughing heartily. Her laughter sounded like an angelic choir, and the expression on her face made her look even more beautiful, if that was even possible.
"You risk your life all the time like it's nothing, and your only fear is that your breath will stink?"
"My only fear is giving you a bad impression." I replied, trying to sound flirty as I said it, but the stiffness in my tone was hilariously obvious.
I wondered if Emilia didn't realize the intimate atmosphere of our interaction, at least from my perspective.
"Don't worry about that. I accepted you into my heart too, flaws and all." She playfully repeated last night's line.
That last line was too effective. I had to summon all my willpower not to kiss her right then and there. However, my defenses were severely damaged, and I decided it was best to make a strategic retreat before I was attacked again.
So I got out of bed and walked towards the door.
"Are you leaving already?" Emilia's smile weakened.
"I need to talk to Garfiel about the villagers. I'll be back by breakfast time." I said, blowing her a kiss before leaving.
"Ah! Isn't this dangerous!?" She moved her hands in the air as if to catch the kiss, but she didn't know what to do with it.
"Relax, it's not dangerous. You can put it wherever you want." I chuckled and closed the door. "What the hell just happened?"
Since when could I, the ultimate women scarer, have a sugary interaction with a woman? I was also surprised to discover that I had this cloying side to me.
"I feel strange. This isn't like a sigma man."
As I walked down the corridor, a pink-haired maid appeared in my path. Her expression was one of pure disdain.
"Did you have a lot of fun with Lady Emilia?"
Ram's loaded question was a slap of reality. The image of Rem crying because of me flashed through my mind, her mind completely breaking down. I'd forgotten all about it because I was so tired.
"Ram, this has nothing to do with your sister, I just—"
"I thought you cared about her. Damn it, I even let you go see her after you treated her like garbage. Not only did you finish breaking her heart, but you did it and went to sleep with another woman. You're the worst scum I've ever known." She spat, venom dripping from her voice. "Now I understand why the witch treats you well: you're both the same. In fact, that's why you like Lady Emilia so much, isn't it? Because she looks just like her."
I was speechless. Anyway, Ram wasn't expecting a response, because at that moment he delivered the final verbal stab at me.
"Rem saw you sleeping together. Don't bother going and justifying yourself." With that, she quickly left.
That brief conversation, if you could call it that, left me with an empty feeling in my chest. The guilt was beginning to eat at my conscience as if I were an addict after a relapse.
Speaking of people with mental health issues: as I was leaving the house, I was surprised to see Garfiel waiting by Otto's carriage. My poor friend was visibly nervous in the presence of the tiger boy. They were like a cat and a mouse.
"What's going on here?" I asked with a tired voice.
Otto was hiding behind Patrasche and raised his voice with obvious relief when he heard me.
"Leandro!? You finally show up!"
The tiger boy growled softly as I approached. Our eyes met, and I realized that Garfiel was more afraid of me than Otto was of him.
"You finally show your face, you bastard..."
His brow was furrowed to give him a serious expression, but the trembling in his voice and hands betrayed his nervousness. It made sense that he was on the defensive after what happened yesterday.
"Hello, Garfiel." I said, standing in front of him and greeting him as if he weren't someone who had tried to kill me fifteen hours earlier. "You didn't come here to ask for a rematch, did you?"
"Tsk! Don't take me for a fool! I'm capable of admitting defeat!" He retorted sharply. "Besides, I don't want you using your power in the Sanctuary anymore. Grandma told me how dangerous your miasma technique is. You're a crazy bastard for using something like that."
"Says the one who transforms into a beast that can't tell allies from enemies. Anyway, I wasn't planning on using that here. So, if you didn't come here to fight, what's this all about?"
"Well... Like I said, I admit I lost! I'll follow your damn plan, just like you wanted! So don't make me repeat myself!"
In other words, Garfiel was handing over the leadership to me.
"I really appreciate that." I tilted my head for a moment, thinking about what to do next. "Would you like to keep me company for a while?"
"Huh?" His face wrinkled.
"Relax, I just want to talk."
Although I didn't feel like doing this, I considered it was time to have a man-to-man talk with him. I would have to give Garfiel a good lecture, as if I were the father he never had, and who never fucked his mother, unfortunately.