"I finally found something I want to protect. And that's why I came back to you."
— Rin Okumura, Blue Exorcist
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[Hinata's POV]
I'm Hinata Hyuga. I'm twelve years old. Well… almost twelve-and-a-half if anyone's counting, but who really counts anyway? Some days, I feel older than I am, and some days… well
It was a peaceful day. The kind of day where the clouds move lazily across the sky, where the breeze isn't too cold or too hot, and the birds seem to gossip with each other on the rooftops. It was the day Shikamaru would pray for. I was walking quietly through the village, the bento boxes stacked carefully in my arms, my steps steady but my mind anything but calm.
Four years.
Yes. It had been four whole years since the fight with Kazan and Orochimaru—the day everything changed. Otis had been in a coma for one year and six months. His injuries were worse than we thought, the medical ninjas even told us that either he would die in his coma or he would wake up, but the chance of him waking up was very slim. I counted every single day. Each sunrise felt like a punishment, a reminder of how powerless I had been during that fight, and each night felt heavier because I wondered if he would ever open his eyes again.
But he did. And the world felt brighter again… though I'd never say that out loud.
Now, as I walked, I couldn't help letting my thoughts wander back to everything that had happened.
The first time I met Otis the first time he helped me… I still remember it clearly. Gratitude, that's what I felt. Simple, overwhelming gratitude. Because until that moment, I hadn't felt truly cared for since my mother passed away. Hinabi always tried, she was the only one in the clan who treated me like a sister instead of competition. But Father… he changed.
I know he cares somewhere deep down, but the clan's traditions swallowed him whole. His love turned into stiffness, discipline, cold expectations. He always looks at me like I'm both fragile and disappointing at the same time. I can't read him. But I know it wasn't his fault that he became that way. If it weren't for Father, maybe Hanabi and I would have been caged by the caged-bird seal, so I'm thankful I'm not some brat who gets angry or brooding just because some people don't show me love.
But Otis… Otis was different.
The first time I saw him grab that bully's head, like he was holding a cabbage he was about to smash into soup, I thought he was a monster. His hands were so large, his fingers covered the boy's head when he grabbed it, his expression so cold. For a moment, I honestly believed he would crush the boy without even realizing it.
And yet… he didn't. He let go. He walked away. And somehow, instead of fearing him, I couldn't stop watching him. Maybe that's when it started, this strange pull I felt toward him. It was curiosity at the start. I got it
Otis didn't care what people thought. He did what he wanted. What was it? I don't know. Maybe it's that we shouldn't care what people think, something like, 'Don't let other people's opinions be the chains that hold you back.'
And when he found out about my appetite, he made me eat. Too much, maybe that was when I first ate until I was actually full. No one ever encouraged me like that. No it was something shameful if i did it, they might put the caged-bird seal on me out of shame. I don't understand the hypocrisy of my clan, they keep a slave system among their own people and yet feel no shame for it. Sometimes I wonder if the seal is for their convenience more than for the protection of our eyes. Hah Forget it.
Usually, people would glance at my plate and raise an eyebrow when I ate more than expected, but Otis… he almost admired it. He shoved more food toward me, telling me to stop pretending and just eat properly. I nearly choked in embarrassment, but… I also felt warm. For once, someone didn't look at my appetite like it was shameful.
He seemed almost proud of it. I even saw his eyes sparkle when he saw me eating.
Should I brag about that? Probably not. But still…
And then there was Sayuri. Ugh.
When she joined our group, irritation flared inside me. The Uchiha, always proud, always above everyone else. And yet there she was, hanging around a Civilian and a Hyūga like it was the most natural thing to do. Why was she even interested in Otis? Shouldn't she be busy looking down on everyone?
I told myself I should not be angry, but instead I just felt… irritated. Which is worse. Anger is clean. Irritation just sits inside you, scratching and scratching and scratching…
But over time, I got over it. Sayuri wasn't as unbearable as I expected. Loud-mouthed, yes. Annoyingly blunt, yes. But… not evil. She even helped me during training once, though she teased me so much I wanted to throw a kunai at her face. Still, she's not bad. Not entirely.
The problem is Otis. He looks at me like I'm a kid. Always. No matter what I do. I could train until my body breaks, I could stand right beside him, I could fight with everything I have, and he still treats me like a child. He doesn't even try to hide it.
So I got fed up. I asked him straight, like an adult with slightly shaky confidence, "Are we even friends?"
He shrugged and said, "You're like a kid to me."
You're like a kid. What kid!?
What does that even mean?!
I was seven back then. Seven! Of course I was a child, but hearing it from him made something inside me snap. I wanted to scream, "I'm not a child anymore!" but I didn't. I just nodded like an idiot. And now that I'm older… it bothers me even more. I want him to look at me differently. Not like a child. Like… something else. Someone else. Preferably someone whose opinion requires fewer forehead pats and fewer "aww" noises.
…Don't get me wrong, I like head pats. I really do. But from him? It doesn't feel the same. It's not comforting, it's infuriating. Like he's patting a puppy that just learned how to sit.
I hate how shy I used to be. My meekness embarrassed me more than anyone else could. But things are changing. Slowly, I'm changing. I can talk to strangers now without my voice trembling. I don't faint at every unexpected word.
But when I fight Hanabi in front of the elders, I can feel anger boiling in me. The way they watch us, cold and detached, like we're entertainment instead of sisters, it makes me want to scream. Sometimes, in the back of my mind, I imagine destroying them all. If I had enough power, I could. That thought frightens me, but it also excites me. Maybe I should really kill them all 'huff, calm down, Hinata. Calm down.
Power. That's what I need. If I'm not strong enough, there will come a day when my clan will put that caged-bird seal on one of us sisters, and I can't accept that. Never.
When I saw Otis strapped to that chair and the fight with Kazan, I felt an emotion I didn't even have a name for. Fear, grief, fury, they all mixed together. He had given so much, risked so much, and for what? To protect us? To save people who weren't strong enough to stand beside him? I hated it. I hated myself for being useless. If I had been stronger, he wouldn't have needed to fight like that. He wouldn't have been forced to bleed for us.
The truth is, Otis could have killed Kazan without us. I know it. Deep down, I know it. Our presence only dragged him down. I remember the way my hand shook when I struck Kazan's arm, it was the only thing I managed. The only thing. If I had been stronger, Otis wouldn't have needed to sacrifice anything. I swore to myself, then and there, I wouldn't let it happen again. I will not watch him fall in front of me a second time.
Mother's voice echoes in my memory sometimes. She told me never to let go of someone I love, to fight for them, to never live with regret. I cling to those words, even though I don't know what they mean for me now. All I know is this, 'I don't want to lose Otis'.
And I should do something so that he sees me differently.
But maybe I'm too impatient. Maybe I'm too greedy. I want his gaze to change, but he still calls me "kid." And the worst part? I still blush when he says it, even though it irritates me beyond words.
Honestly, sometimes I feel like strangling him. Not in a violent way. Just… gently. To shake some sense into him.
Is that normal? Probably not. But that's how he makes me feel.
Still, whenever I think about that fight, my chest tightens. Otis bleeding, falling, still pushing forward. Me, powerless, standing there like a doll. Sayuri yelling at me to move. Hanabi screaming. The elders watching, always watching, but never stepping in.
It's all tangled in my head.
I adjusted the bento boxes in my hands and sighed. Maybe today, I'd get him to look at me differently. Or maybe he'd still pat my head like I'm a child. Either way, I wasn't going to give up.
Not on him. Not on myself.
Because if there's one thing I've learned since that day, it's this, I need to grow stronger. Strong enough to protect him, strong enough to protect Hinabi, strong enough to silence the elders if I must. Strong enough so that the next time Otis fights, he won't be alone.
I'll make sure of it. Even if it kills me.
…But first, I just hope he eats this bento. Maybe I should put a little more rice in it.
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(Pic)
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(A/N)
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