Chapter 181: Guilt And Hope
Lost. It's a feeling humans instinctively fear. Belonging to a community, to others, even just a home, all of it is tied directly to survival. Being lost breaks that bond and forces a person to rely entirely on themselves.
To most, it's terrifying. To a child, it's worse.
Ash carried that feeling as he wandered the broken wasteland, boots crunching over loose gravel and ash. Everywhere he looked...nothing. Every time he shouted, the sound vanished into empty streets. It was as if the whole world had gone silent, except for him.
Even Triss was gone. So were Onion and Gruff.
He was alone.
He should've listened to his father. He shouldn't have wandered—
His father.
The image of his pale face flashed through Ash's mind.
Grabbing at his shirt, guilt clawed into his chest. His breath hitched as pain tightened around his ribs.
A stone clattered to his right.
Ash jerked his head toward the sound.
Under the dim night sky his vision struggled to adjust. A broken wall stood nearby, its edges jagged, rubble piled at the base. Just debris shifting.
He let out a shaky breath and turned back toward the street, eyes scanning the shadows.
"Ash?"
The voice froze him.
A woman's.
He spun toward the sound. The wall again. This time a hand gripped its edge.
A hand missing skin.
"No..."
He stumbled back, heart hammering against his ribs, sweat slick on his palms as the figure stepped out.
He didn't recognize her.
But he knew exactly who she was.
"M-mom?"
"Ash, is that you?"
Her skin was thin as paper, stretched tight over bone. Only a few strands of grey hair clung to her scabbed scalp. Rotten teeth showed through cracked lips, and her clothes hung in shredded rags as she stepped forward on bloodied feet. Her bloodshot eyes began to leak slow crimson tears.
"Mom, is that—wha-what happened? Where's dad?"
Ash winced as the question left his mouth. His father's face flashed through his mind again, the memory violent. Eyes filled with pain.
"Ash? Why...did you...do it? Why, son?"
She reached out toward him, shambling closer. Patches of her skin sloughed loose as she moved, green bile dripping from the corner of her mouth.
"Why did you...kill your father?"
Ash didn't realize he was backing up. His boots scraped against loose stone as his body tried to flee while his mind fought to stay.
"Mom—I didn't—he... he..."
The words died in his throat. They sounded hollow, even to him. He could lie to himself. He couldn't lie to her.
"I didn't want to, but I had to. I had no choice!"
Tears broke free as his legs gave out and he dropped to his knees. The moment they struck the ground, pain tore through his leg, hot and blinding. He twisted to look.
His foot was gone.
In its place was a mangled stump leaking blood into the dirt.
A cold, dry hand pressed against his face, and turned his head back toward her. His mother's yellowing eyes stared into his.
"Was killing me not enough? When I died...it hurt so much, Ash. So much...that I can't forget. Even now it hurts."
Her fingers tightened slightly against his cheek.
"It hurts...so...much."
Sobbing, Ash's body trembled. No matter how she looked, he leaned into her touch. The guilt clawing at his chest didn't matter. The sight of her rotting body didn't matter. A son still wanted his mother's arms.
"I'm sorry mom, I'm so sorry! Please forgive me, I really, really didn't want to!"
He reached up and grabbed her hand. Her flesh pulped under his fingers, soft and breaking apart, but he clung to it like it was the only thing keeping him from sinking.
She lowered herself closer, her free arm wrapping around him as they embraced.
Her foul breath drifted across his ear.
"You should die too."
Ice flooded his veins. The sentence was small. Only four words. But each one landed like a knife. Through blurred tears he tried to pull back and look at her face, but her grip tightened.
"Be with us Ash. Die and we can be happy again."
"Mom—?"
He tried again, but her arms only squeezed tighter.
"Mom—you're hurting—"
And tighter.
"Mo—"
"Shhh, shhhhh. Be still. My boy. My sweet...evil little boy. You deserve to die...so we can be together."
Her grip felt like iron closing around his neck and ribs. Air wouldn't come. Warm liquid spilled from his ear, then his nose and mouth, drifting across his lips.
His vision blurred.
All he could see was the sky above the broken street, dark and empty.
Then a figure stepped into view.
His father.
The man stood over him with his throat split open, blood pouring down his chest.
"Just die, Ash. It's easy."
The last of the fight left Ash's body.
Only darkness remained.
----
Nearly falling from the bed, Ash jerked upright, the waking world crashing into his vision, hot and blinding. He blinked hard and sucked in air, hands flying to his neck.
Tears still streamed down his face.
"Mom..."
His mind spun. Slowly, he released his neck, brought his arms down, and looked at his hands.
His bloodstained hands.
"Bad dream?"
A woman's voice broke his trance. His head snapped toward it, panic rising. But the figure he saw wasn't dead. It was a woman he didn't recognize.
Alive and beautiful.
"Who are you? What's going—?"
His eyes widened. He threw the blanket off and nearly broke down again.
His foot was fine.
Still there. Whole. Attached like nothing had ever happened.
"Used an expensive pot to fix that. So you better have the information I need, kid. Where's your boss?"
"Huh?"
Ash stared at his foot, flexing it against the mattress, barely hearing her. The skin was smooth, warm, real. He shook his head hard and finally looked around the room.
He wasn't in a dungeon. Not a cell. Just a room.
The tension in his shoulders eased a little.
"Hey kid, pay attention."
She snapped her fingers twice, sharp and close, dragging his eyes back.
"Better. Now where's your boss? Where's Wohan Seo-jin?"
The name drained the color from Ash's face.
"Boss! Shit—I'm sorry! I gotta go, I have to warn them!"
He shoved himself off the bed. The floor tilted. His legs turned soft, knees wobbling as his head spun.
"I'm gonna puke—"
"You puke, I'll cut your foot back off."
He swallowed hard.
Taking a few slow breaths, he forced the air down, then swallowed again before looking back at the blonde woman.
"Please. I really have to go. If I don't warn them, something really bad is gonna happen."
He didn't realize it yet, but the woman sitting across from him was Woon Yu-na. She wore black jeans and a black tank top that clung tight across her torso, too tight. Leaning back in her chair, she rolled her eyes at his desperation.
Then she produced a cup of water from thin air.
"Drink."
He hesitated, wary, but took the cup. After a cautious sniff, thirst won out and he began drinking in greedy gulps, the cool water running down his dry throat.
"Who do you have to warn? Is it Seo-jin?"
Looking over the rim of the glass as he gulped, Ash nodded.
He gasped when he lowered it, the coolness settling in his chest. It helped, but his body still trembled. Dropping back onto the bed, he drew in a long breath.
"Yeah. I gotta warn the boss before he gets back."
She leaned forward in her chair, her cleavage hanging exposed.
Heat crawled up Ash's cheeks.
"Where did he go?"
"Uhh, I mean...wait—who?"
Rolling her eyes, Yu-na snapped her fingers again.
"Seo-jin!"
"Oh—right! The Freelands. The boss went to the Freelands. But I really don't know much else. And thank you, really. My new foot is amazing, but I really gotta go. Is that okay?"
He still didn't know if she was friend or foe. He recognized her now from the docks, the woman who had spent the night with Seo-jin, but that didn't mean they were allies. Saying the boss went to the Freelands shouldn't hurt anything. If it came down to it, he could still point her the wrong direction.
When she didn't answer right away, the dryness crept back into his throat.
Luckily, she didn't stay quiet for long.
"Sorry, you're not going anywhere. Unless you've got a teleportation skill, running into the Freelands alone is suicide. Why don't you tell me what direction he went, I'll see what I can do."
A tingle ran across Ash's skin. His heart began to race, then sped up even more when the realization hit him.
Triss wasn't with him.
Trying not to show it, he reached out with his senses, searching for the faint thread of their connection. Yu-na's finger tapping against the arm of her chair cut him off.
"Looking for your cat?"
The question sounded casual, but something inside Ash flared anyway. A thin spike of killing intent rose in his chest, immature and shaky, but real.
Seeing his reaction, Yu-na smiled and stood. She walked to the door and pulled it open.
Triss tumbled inside like she'd been clawing to get in, then bolted across the floor and launched straight into Ash's arms.
Yu-na sneered.
"Just a little precaution. But as you can see, she's fine."
"Look, miss, I really appreciate—Triss!"
He shoved her tail out of his face.
"I really appreciate you saving me, but even if it's suicide, I gotta warn the boss. If you're his friend, then please don't try to stop me. I wish I could trust you, but I just can't. Please. Just let me warn my friends."
Her brows lifted slightly at that last word.
"Friends, huh? Those still exist?"
She sat back down in her chair. Pulling out a cigarette, she lit the tip with a touch of her finger, took a long drag, then let the smoke slip from her nose.
"Trust's a hard thing. Can't blame you for being careful. But honestly, I don't really care whether you trust me or not. If you want to warn your boss, your best shot is through me."
She flicked a bit of ash aside.
"If you die before you find him, then what? Who's going to warn him then?"
The words washed over him like cold water. They carried too much logic for Ash to deny, no matter how hard he tried to think around them.
He glanced down at Triss. The ghost was calm, pressing against him again and again, purring softly. No tension. No wariness toward the smoking woman.
Seeing the hesitation crack, Yu-na lifted her free hand. Black system light gathered in her palm, revealing a floating, tiny skull no bigger than an acorn, wrapped in slow coils of oily gray smoke.
Ash leaned forward for a better look.
"A ghost? Never seen one that small."
Triss reacted instantly. She leapt from Ash's arms straight onto Yu-na's lap, swatting the tiny ghost from her hand and chasing it across the floor, batting and pouncing as it tumbled through the air.
"They're goblin souls. Useful ingredients."
Ash watched Triss stalk and pounce on the drifting skull, knocking it across the room again and again. A small smile tugged at his face before it faded into a sigh.
He knew she was right. And if Triss acted like this around her, she probably wasn't a threat to him. At least not yet.
"Will you go yourself?"
Yu-na laughed quietly and took another drag.
"Even I wouldn't walk into the Freelands alone. I'll send my familiar."
With a puff of black smoke, a crow the size of an eagle appeared above them. Flapping its massive wings, it circled the room with a few harsh caws before settling on the back of Yu-na's chair.
She reached up and scratched along its beak with a finger.
"What direction did he go?"
"They headed northwest. Gregor said they were going to an area that used to be called Jangheung."
Yu-na's eyes lit up for a moment before she closed them, thinking.
Her familiar suddenly beat its wings, cawing once before launching into the air. In another burst of smoke, it vanished.
"Now that that's done—"
Yu-na crushed the cigarette out and stood, the faint smell of smoke lingering in the room. She walked over and stopped beside Ash, then bent down until her face was level with his.
She smiled, slow and wicked.
"Let's get you into a bath. I'll wash your back, but you gotta wash mine. Deal?"
His jaw dropped, voice cracking as he answered.
"D-Deal...?"
Outside the walls of Woon Tower, a puff of black smoke burst into the night air as Yu-na's familiar tore free of it. The crow circled the massive building once, wings cutting through the cold wind as it climbed higher, then angled away toward the distance.
Northwest.
Carrying both Yu-na's and Ash's hopes with it.