The Observatory's alarms shrieked as red warning lights bathed everything in crimson. Blink's fingers danced over the console, her jaw tight with concentration.
[DIMENSIONAL INSTABILITY DETECTED—TIMELINE'S FRACTURING]
"Portal opening in thirty seconds," she called out.
Dean groaned, still clutching his half-eaten sandwich. "Just once, can we get a mission that doesn't involve—"
"Too late." Blink's portal tore open, revealing the strangest sight any of them had ever seen; cartoon grass that literally sparkled under a bubblegum pink sky.
"Everyone through. Now."
They tumbled out onto ground that felt like a trampoline, bouncing slightly with each step. The world around them was aggressively, impossibly cute. Trees had actual faces that smiled and giggled when the wind rustled their leaves. Flowers hummed cheerful little tunes. Even the rocks were pastel-colored and seemed to glow with inner happiness.
"I'm either having a stroke," Dean muttered as a butterfly the size of a dinner plate landed on his shoulder, "or we just fell into a cereal commercial."
Khan poked one of the smiling trees experimentally. It giggled like a child.
Nathaniel's armor was flashing warnings left and right. "I am convinced we're inside a children's television program."
"INCOMING FRIEND!"
The tiny voice came from above, followed immediately by a small blur that bounced off Valkyrie's armor with a metallic thonk.
"Ow! My hero knees!"
They all stared down at what could only be described as the most adorable thing they'd ever seen: a three-foot-tall Wolverine with foam claws, a red collar, and a juice box tucked into his belt.
"Hi there!" The tiny figure bounced back up, grinning. "I'm Wolvie! Wanna help me solve the Great Pie Mystery?"
Dean blinked slowly. 'I hate Logan's character in comics, but I already love this little guy. What's wrong with me?'
Wolvie led them through the candy-colored landscape to what looked like the world's most cheerful playground. Tiny figures were waiting for them, and Dean felt his brain short-circuit.
"Everyone, meet my new friends!" Wolvie announced proudly.
Mini Storm floated a few inches off the ground, creating tiny rainbows with her fingertips. "The weather spirits are very sad about the stolen pies," she said solemnly.
Baby Beast hung upside down from the monkey bars, his oversized glasses sliding down his nose. "Statistically speaking, pie theft is a very serious crime!"
Pocket Cyclops adjusted his miniature visor with both hands. "My optic blasts can heat up frozen pies really good!"
Little Jean sat cross-legged, making pebbles float in lazy circles around her head. "I can feel everyone's emotions, and they're all pie-less and grumpy."
Dean carefully lowered himself onto a mushroom that bounced under his weight. "I can't handle tiny X-Men. This is breaking my brain."
Wolvie pulled out a piece of paper covered in crayon drawings. "Twenty friendship pies got stolen from Grandpa Xavier's windowsill!"
"I found a crumb trail," Baby Beast added, pointing toward a path that led into slightly less colorful woods. "It goes straight to Grumpy Grove."
"Maybe whoever took them is just lonely," Little Jean suggested with the wisdom that only small children possess.
As they followed the trail, the world around them gradually shifted. The bright pastels faded to muted colors, and the trees began to droop with sadness. Even the flowers seemed to sigh.
"I can smell pie!" Wolvie announced, his tiny nose twitching.
They found him inside a hollow tree—Li'l Magneto, all of three feet tall, wearing an oversized helmet and what looked like a dish towel for a cape. Twenty beautiful pies surrounded him in a perfect circle, but he wasn't eating any of them. He was crying.
"I took them," he sobbed. "But friendship pies don't work when you're all alone! I don't have any friends to share them with!"
Wolvie gasped. "Max! Why didn't you just ask to come to the friendship festival?"
"Because I'm the bad guy," Li'l Magneto sniffled. "Bad guys don't get invited to festivals."
Wolvie waddled over and plopped down beside his tiny nemesis. "You're not bad, Max. You're just lonely. Wanna share a pie with me?"
"Look at them," Khan whispered, tears in her eyes. "They're so pure. They just want to be friends."
Blink found herself smiling—really smiling—for the first time in weeks. "Maybe there's hope for all of us if kids this young can figure out forgiveness."
Valkyrie nodded approvingly. "Aye, these little warriors understand what many adults do not—that mercy is the truest strength."
Nathaniel was recording everything, his voice full of wonder. "It's beautiful."
For one perfect moment, everything was right. The tiny mutants laughed and shared their pies, and the cute world hummed with happiness.
Then a shadow fell over Grumpy Grove.
Reality tore open with a sound like metal screaming. Something massive and dark pushed through—a shifting void of hungry darkness that made their eyes water to look at directly.
[TEMPORAL ANOMALY DETECTED] Tallus spoke in mechanical voice. [TIMELINE DETEORATING]
Li'l Magneto grabbed Wolvie's hand, his tiny fingers trembling. "What's that scary thing?"
Blink's face went white. "It's a Time Eater. It's back again." She was already forming a portal, but her hands were shaking. "Everyone, emergency extraction NOW!"
The Time Eater's tendrils reached out like grasping fingers, reality dissolving wherever they touched. Both tiny mutants were directly in its path, and Blink's portal was flickering unstably.
"I can only keep one portal stable!" she shouted over the cosmic horror's roar. "I can't save them both!"
Li'l Magneto looked at the approaching darkness, then at his best friend. Without hesitation, he pushed Wolvie toward the portal.
"Go, bub. Be the hero."
"Max, no!" Wolvie reached out desperately. "We're supposed to stick together! That's what friends do!"
Li'l Magneto smiled through his tears, his oversized helmet slipping down over one eye. "You'll remember me, right? And our friendship pies?"
The Time Eater's darkness swallowed him whole just as Blink yanked Wolvie through the portal.
They crashed hard onto the Observatory's floor. Wolvie was still clutching an empty pie tin, looking around frantically.
"Where's Max?" His tiny voice cracked. "Where's my best friend?"
Blink knelt beside him, her own voice breaking. "I'm sorry, little one. We couldn't save him."
Wolvie's tiny shoulders began to shake. "But we were gonna build a better world together. That's what he said. A world where bad guys and good guys could be friends."
Dean sat down heavily beside them both. "We will, kid. We'll build it in his memory."
Wolvie opened the pie tin with trembling paws. Inside was a note written in purple crayon: "For my first real friend. Thanks for the best day ever. -Max"
The Observatory's lights dimmed respectfully as Wolvie quietly ate the last friendship pie, tears streaming down his furry cheeks. Outside the windows, the multiverse spun on, one timeline darker than it had been before.