Somehow, a diplomatic memo intended to say "We respect global data neutrality" autocorrected to "We declare war on dairy alternatives."
The U.S., misreading the situation, launched Operation Almond Justice, deploying thousands of paratroopers armed with oat milk cartons and passive-aggressive tweets.
China retaliated with a devastating drone strike… of TikTok influencers, all doing synchronized dances while quoting Sun Tzu. Europe responded by forming a coalition called N.A.P. (Nap All People), pledging to take midday naps until everyone calmed down.
Meanwhile, Canada accidentally declared war on itself.
"Sorry, eh," said Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, who promptly surrendered to a confused moose.
Russia joined the conflict, but only to win Eurovision. Their secret weapon? A hologram of Lenin singing K-pop.
In the Middle East, all parties agreed to pause hostilities every Friday night for Shawarma Diplomacy, where leaders ate in silence and pretended everything was fine.
North Korea threatened to launch a missile, but it turned out to be a large bottle rocket powered by Mentos and Diet Coke. It flew for seven feet before hitting a pigeon named Kevin. Kevin survived and was later awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
As the chaos unfolded, Australia built a giant boomerang missile, which did, unfortunately, return.
After six months of fighting, the world's leaders gathered for a peace summit… which turned out to be a massive Zoom call.
Unfortunately, the host forgot to unmute.
After 4 hours of awkward waving and silent yelling, someone finally typed in the chat:
"Can we just go back to arguing about pineapple on pizza?"
Everyone agreed.
And so, World War III ended not with a bang, but with a group pizza order.