The silent scream
How did we get here
Marrying someone you truly love is one of the best feeling in the world. You hope for the very best as you constantly fantasize about growing old together. You can't really imagine anything contrary to that perfect image.
James was the nicest man Julia had ever been with. He always complimented her, visited her with many gifts, organized wonderful surprises for her, and called very often to check on her as well as ran little errands, just so she wouldn't be stressed out, he cared about her like no one else in her past relationships.
This was why Julia was grateful to have him in her life. James had a previous relationship that ended badly. He was betrayed by Eva, a girl he loved and trusted. She left him for her colleague and that broke him.
With Julia, James wanted things to be different. Because of his past experiences, he became overly protective and controlling. He basically carried the scares of his past, into his future with Julia.
Julia thought she and James would live happily ever after. James was a doctor and after his marriage to Julia, they moved into a new place together. The apartment was fancy enough, just the way Julia liked it.
She couldn't help but move around in their beautiful home just after it was paid for, trying to figure out where her pantry would be, the children's room and even the perfect spot for the bookshelf.
She was so happy, it was like a fairy tale. Unfortunately for her, that fairy-tale would be short lived. She obviously didn't know the trauma that laid ahead. She never knew he thought of every favour he rendered her, as privileges he could simply withdraw whenever he saw fit.
She was a girl in love and James was happy he had found a woman who would appreciate his controlling, dominant and possessive personality, or so he thought.
She got used to not having to do much since James did almost everything even when he didn't need to.
Unknown to her, he saw it as a tool he would eventually use to control her. He wanted her to depend on him completely for any and everything. Few months into their marriage, Julia started to notice a pattern with her husband James.
He slowly but eventually started eliminating people from her life. This made her live a reclusive life. He started by moving with her to a new location.
He started to delete contacts from her phone, little by little.
He also didn't let her get a new job. However, it was easy for him to get a job since he was a doctor, he got a job at a nearby hospital. According to him, she didn't need a job because he felt the money he made was enough for both of them so what's the point of her working.
He wanted to take complete care of her but also be in complete control of her time.
If she bumped into someone she knew, when they're both out, he wouldn't let her catch up or even exchange contacts.
He also discouraged her from making new friends, not even with the neighbors.
Slowly but surely, Julia ended up a sad and lonely woman who was only able to talk to very few friends and family members on the phone.
Their once lovely relationship, had turned into a sad, lonely and loveless marriage.
"How did I end up like this?" Julia would randomly ask herself every now and then. It was indeed a painful experience she never saw coming.
She wanted more for her life, instead she was trapped, living with someone who she thought would make her happiness his priority. Normally, people do what will make their spouse happy, but in his case, he did what he thought would make her happy but honestly, it didn't.
"You don't need friends because they're bad influence, you're way better without them," he would often tell her. Her current life was a big change for her, considering how outgoing and adventurous she was.
She wanted to see the world and meet new people but instead, she simply became a house wife. She became the exact opposite of what she wanted, turning her into a shadow of herself.
The atmosphere was bright and warm one lovely evening as Julia sat in silence after a serious argument with James. She thought about nothing but who she had become and all the horrible things he said to her during their argument.
She never thought her husband James, would ever say such words to her, nor speak to her in that manner. She had hoped things would get better later on, but things only got worse. She had a fight with James because she wanted to go for a school reunion out of town which would last for a week.
He disapproved, but that wasn't the problem, it was his reason for disapproving that got her upset.
"Honestly, I don't trust you. You're gonna be out there for a whole week with your old friends, only God knows what might happen between you and the guys there," James said carelessly, not minding how Julia felt.
"You're a married woman now, you don't need all these irrelevant trips with old friends, it's a waste of time," he continued.
This trip was exactly the sort of thing she needed, a breath of fresh air just for a short while. It would have done her good.
Most men consider the tears of their wives during an argument, but James didn't care, he just wanted to make his point. At this time, Julia had a lot to say but didn't even know where to start.
She was married to a man who never apologizes even when he's wrong. She had bottled up too many things to the point where she didn't have room for more.
She stood there, trying to wrap her head around the things he was saying.
"Its just a reunion, why are you overreacting?" Julia inquired, wiping the tears off her face and still wondering where his anger was coming from.
"A good wife would have listened to her husband at once instead of arguing with him," he said, while taking a few steps towards her, to make sure she heard him.
"Are you suggesting that am not a good wife?" Julia inquired, needing more clarity.
"Well maybe its not a suggestion, maybe its just the truth," James responded in a hostile and inconsiderate manner.
James had been threatening her with a divorce every opportunity he gets, knowing its one of her worse nightmare. Unfortunately for him, each time he threatens her, her fear for divorce drops.
First of all, he didn't trust her, because of the experience he had with Eva. Also, his family and friends had filled his head with all manner of things about how empowering women makes them independent and eventually have no need for their husbands.
He was determined to make her completely dependent on him so he could decide when to be useful to her and when to frustrate her. He'd rather trust a stranger than his own wife.
He didn't show her any form of respect so naturally, his family members didn't respect her either. She was so lonely and traumatized by how he treated her. She then gathered courage to speak her mind during their argument.
"I am lonely in this marriage, you don't see me, you don't listen to me and most of all, you don't value me. I am not happy James," Julia continued after a long pause to access the possible consequences of her next few statements.
From her voice, you could tell that she'd given up on everything involving James.
With a shaky voice she continued "I thought marring you would make us both happy but I've never been this unhappy in my whole life."
"You suck the life out of me James, to the point where there's nothing left to take.
I don't know what happened to the kind and sensitive man I married but I know you're not him and he's not coming back."
At this point, James was so angry, it's a miracle he didn't hit her.
If you're so unhappy then I will divorce you. We both know you won't last long on your own Julia," he said confidently, with a devilish smile, knowing how deep the damage he had done to her was.
"I practically do everything for you so how long will you survive without me," he continued, with a firm voice.
"Where will you start from. You will eventually come crawling back to me in no time and then you will see how much hell I can rain on you."
"Oh bring it on James," Julia said, almost cutting him off. She was fed up but still determined to survive without him.
"Do your worse," she said, with all amount of certainty.
"Excuse me!!," James responded, not believing his ears.
"You heard me James, bring it on, the hell, the divorce, everything. I am ready." Julia replied, staring directly into his eyes.
At this point James was speechless, this wasn't Julia's usual response to his numerous threats of divorce. She would usually end the argument or beg for forgiveness even if it wasn't her fault. But this time, he got a different response.
"So you think you can handle the world on your own, huh? I will enjoy watching you suffer and when you finally return to me, I will treat you exactly the way you deserve to be treated," James said, with all amount of seriousness.
"We will see about that," Julia challenged him.
"Yes, we will," he responded with a dangerous smile and then proceeds to walk out of the house.
Julia's heart was pounding vigorously, "what have I done? Can I really face the world on my own? Where will I start from?" She asked herself with a calm voice filled with confusion. She sat down for a while, remembering all she had been through in the hands of James and cried bitterly. She started to question her decision, little did she know that it was the best decision she ever made.