I was born mindless, I was death to her progress, I was an infant to her life, I was half in having wholes forged my horde of crawling, coined, and coiled. Unwavering in dishonor, thoughts that lingered remained, feelings that felt scarred. I am her ruination and her blessing, I am gifted, I am golden, I make her life easier, I am her life, like cloves of gold. Yet how do I hate her, how do I love her? How do I fulfill her? how do I hold it in for her. How do I do it all for her? How do I do I? How do I not? How do I deal with all this? I am gifted right? Why is her life so much easier, why am I so dumb? Why am I being bullied? Aren't I good boy? Did I not believe in god? Who are you to complain to my golden status? My actions are never horrendous for gifted kids cannot make mistakes. Gifted kids are blessings, I don't do wrong therefore I am always scared so leave me be! I am a hero right? Everything come to me so I can save them, they need me to survive. They need me to eat, they need me to live. Mom! Let me live, let me live, let me live, let me live, let me live, let me live, let me live, let me live, ,let me be okay, I am gifted! BUT I HATE BEING GIFTED! I HATE EVERYONE! I am not gift! I WORKED HARD TO ACT GIFTED! I AM ABANDONED IN THIS STATE ALONE! Yet now you and everyone around me says to not look at anyone! How do I adapt to that how do I adapt to not being me? I suffered aberrations, I suffered rewiring, I suffered cracks, I suffered marks, I suffered freezing, I suffered rotting! I suffering details, and I served everyone with my brain this scattered so where are you all? I am seriously having hundreds of stressful changes. I just really need something I feel but I don't know if it helps. Something I call hug, something I call useless wrong and uncomfortable IT'S A FUCKING HUG! WHY CAN'T I BE OKAY WITH IT! I am mindless. I am hailing snow over this body, I will be a new tree.
