Pregnant....
I stared at the doctor, not fully processing what he had just said. His words didn't land, the floated in the air, floating over my head like they were directed to someone else and not me.
Pregnant....
The word echoed in my head once more,bouncing off the skull of my head and refusing to settle.
My hands moved instinctively to my stomach, as if I was somehow expectingsomething about it to feel different , maybe a bump. But it didn't, it felt normal, like it always did. But something did change though, my mind...it feels heavier.
Killian turned to me, smiling so hard like I had never seen him do,
"Thank you, doctor" he shook hands with the doctor and walked to the bedside. He sat down beside me and ran his hands through my hair, with so much gentleness that I almost cried.
"Hey" he whispered, his voice soft and low like we're sharing a secret.
"Hi" I responded, unsure of how I'm supposed to feel about this new development, even though it was something my sister and I had planned.
"Mr Reign, if there's nothing else I'm needed for, I'll like to take my leave. As you know, the hospital is always busy and time is precious." the doctor called out in perfected professionalism, briefly breaking our moment. "Congratulations again." He added, walking out of the room.
"How are you feeling?" Killian asked, tucking the stubborn strand of hair in my face behind my ear.
"Better than before" I groaned,trying to sit up. And I meant it, I felt better than before as I have gained a bit of my energy back. But my mind, not so much. But that would be moved to the side until when I'm alone and ready to face this.
Killian helped me sit up fully, arranging the pillows behind my back for comfort like I was suddenly made of glass.
"So", he said softly, his eyes searching mine. "We are having a baby."
He said it like it was a dream he had just woken up in. Like if he said it out aloud, that would confirm how real it was. I smiled, or I hope I did, at least.
"Yeah," I said. "We are."
He reached out, placing his hands on my stomach, gently and tenderly, like something sacred laid beneath the skin.
"A little version of both of us." He said, a soft laugh escaping him.
Something inside me broke, he thought I was his wife, he thought I was Selena, he thinks the baby would look like he and I.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded, "Yeah, that would be nice, a little version of us."
Like the moment we just had was just a flicker of my emotion, he snapped into a serious mode. "We should start making plans, Doctor McGraw said you should come to the hospital for further tests and check ups, you need vitamins, maternity stuffs, and just anything you'll be needing throughout your pregnancy." he said, already sounding like a father, already planning for the future that I'm not so sure I'll be part of.
"okay" I murmured, my fingers absently brushing over my flat stomach. I didn't know what to say, I didn't how to be excited about this baby without choking on guilt. Because just because I'm carrying this baby doesn't mean it's mine, it's hers too.
********************
The next few days after discovering that I was pregnant, Killian hovered over me like a mother hen. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, were all brought upstairs to me in our room because Killian refused to let me use the stairs or strain myself. It is sweet but at the same tiring. I didn't have the privacy to call Selena and inform her of this news I'm sure she would ecstatic to hear.
But today, thankfully, he was called into work. Something about a deal that needed his attention and input. I didn't ask for details— not like my sister would— I was just so glad to finally have the house to myself and a breathing space.
After he left, I went into the bathroom to take a bath, puked a little, but not as much as the other day so I counted that as a progress. Then I got dressed, and finally, went downstairs to the dining room to have breakfast.
I had just finished eating when my phone rang. I glanced at the screen and it was just the person I'd planned to call after breakfast taking full advantage of being home alone— Selena.
I let it ring for a few more seconds before I picked up.
"Hey," I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
"Hi, how are you doing, Ser?" she responded, her voice soft.
"I'm fine, I've been meaning to call you but you just beat me to it." I continued, forcing a lightness to my voice.
"Oh? What is it? Is there something wrong?" she fired off questions one by one , panic leaking from her voice like she was scared that we had been found out
"No, no, everything is fine," I said, reassuring her before dropping the bomb. "I'm pregnant." the line went silent and for a second a thought it had been disconnected until a high-pitched squeal erupted from her through the phone.
"Oh my God! Really? When? Why didn't didn't you inform me since?" She cried out, launching another flurry of questions at me in excitement.
"Yeah." I said,running my fingers through my hair for an illusion of comfort. " I only found out few days ago, and Killian had not exactly given me any breathing space. I just haven't had the chance to call you."
"Oh!" She said, her voice going all quiet and sad all of a sudden. " How is he?" She asked, obviously referring to Killian.
"He's fine, I don't know" I said, pulling the act of Indifference like I didn't care too much about that. " Back to the matter at hand," steering the conversation back to where it was important and where I want it, "What next?"
"Mmm, I haven't too much about it to this point so I'll call you in a few days to let you know" she said, trying to sound reassuring.
"Okay, no problem." I replied, though the exhaustion in my voice was starting to bleed through, the weight of this conversation finally settling in, and I suddenly felt drained, mentally, emotionally, and physically.
"Ser—"
"Mmm"
She paused, then....
"I know no matter how much I say it, it won't be enough, not for the kind of favor you're doing for me." Her voice cracked." I just want you to know that I'm sorry. So, so, sorry for putting you in this position " She broke down then, her sobs bleeding through the phone raw and heavy.
"Hey, it's fine. You're my sister and this what sisters do for each other." I said, trying to console her, even though I don't believe a word of what was coming out of my mouth.
Somewhere in Capri,Italy…
"I know, but that doesn't make me any less grateful," Selena said, her voice tender and shaky, but her face was anything but. There were no trace of tears, no guilt, just a smug little smirk tugging at the corners of her lips.
Her expression twisted, calculated, and cold as she stared at herself in the mirror.
"Like I said, it's fine," Serena's voice echoed through the phone from miles away, unaware that the sister she thought was broken and apologetic…...wasn't even phased.
She was just pretending.