The sun over the Velvet Kingdom rose with theatrical sparkle, as if the heavens themselves had RSVP'd to the greatest catastrophe since the Great Dragon Pancake Festival Explosion. The palace was no longer a palace. No, it had become something... worse.
It was a Mega Wedding Arena.
Flags fluttered with the embroidered crests of five noble houses. Giant magical holograms rotated above the capital, flashing the radiant, slightly unhinged smiles of five brides-to-be. The streets were lined with vendors selling commemorative "I Survived Rei's Harem War" merchandise. Bards had started betting pools on which bride would survive—er, win.
And at the heart of it all, in a golden chamber sealed with 36 enchantments, Rei of House Velvet stared out the window with a face so dead-eyed, pigeons had mistaken him for a statue.
[System Notification: Good morning, Host. Estimated chances of survival today: 0.8%. Optimism Module disabled.]
He didn't blink.
