CHIARA
It's been three days. Three days have passed since the two brothers left to get Enzo. Three days since I last touched him. I missed him. I was worried to death. And there was nothing I could do about it. Their phones weren't reachable either. So, I was just sitting at the balcony every night waiting while I guarded the gates with the telescope as though I was a freaking gatekeeper.
The doctor had been coming regularly to check out my wound. Every morning and evening, without missing even a second. My hand played with the ring on my finger. "He has to be okay." I whispered. I gazed up at the stars. Something that I'd found comfort in recently. I sighed, recalling that I had a business meeting with Lia soon. I grabbed the empty cup of coffee and sauntered inside.
I had just come out of the kitchen when the doors flew open and the man I'd been dying to see stood in between them. Breath rushed out of my lungs, my heart drumming. I scanned him from head to toes as he strolled in. He looked unscathed apart from the dark circles around his eyes and the lone strand of his unkempt hair that fell on his forehead.
Without a word, he stopped before me leaned down and dropped his head on my shoulder, sucking in a deep breath before releasing it. The heat of it tingled my neck. The drumming in my chest heightened. My hands, which were hung in the air, traced his back until I couldn't anymore and embraced him.
Then his hands wrapped around me, pulling me closer as if there was any space left between us anymore. The pounding on the chest, I didn't know if it was mine or his. And honestly, I didn't care. All I wanted was for that moment to last forever. We stood like that for a very long time.
A moment later, we were sitting in the living room. My hand faltered when he winced, his face twisting in pain and his jaws ticking. I repeated to disinfect his wound. It wasn't too big or deep, but it sure sliced a lengthy part of his left rib. I wrapped a band aid around his torso and then cleared everything from the table.
I returned to the living room with cups of coffee. I handed him one and sat on the same couch as him. "Enzo…" I started. "Dead." He leaned back, adjusting the pillow I'd placed behind his back for him. I nodded and took a sip. Say it Chiara! Fucking say it now!
"Why did you do it?" His words made me swallow. I placed down the cup and dropped my hands on my lap. Why were they shaking all of a sudden? "Antonio was harassing me and my mother for as long as I can remember. I grew up with only one intention: Running away with her. Even if it meant I had to kill him to achieve that." I intertwined my hands. They were getting cold.
"He has been finding suitors for me for years and I have been turning them down or killing some. And as of those I'd killed, they deserved to die. They were demons in this world." I let out a deep breath, "What I'm trying to say is that… getting married meant leaving my mother in that hellhole and I couldn't do that."
"I tried to avoid that fate for a while until Enzo came into the picture and got Antonio wrapped around his fingers. Enzo helped him with his political campaigns and so the fool saw him as God." Tears rolled from my eyes, and I didn't move to wipe them. "But I couldn't let it happen. Antonio said the wedding was in one month and… and then someday I overheard them speaking about trafficking me. Antonio sold me to Enzo, and he was going to sell me off to one of his clients. They treated me like a passing ball." I took a deep breath. The words were too painful to pass through my throat.
"My Mama has been through a lot, Melo. I was desperate to get myself out of the marriage situation. And then, I thought you were the only person powerful enough to back me up." He placed his cup on the table, watching me intently. "My plan was indeed ill. I wanted to use you for protection. Then I was going to find a way to get my mother out of Antonio's clutches." I sniffled and turned to look at him.
"Look, I did want to use you. And for that I'm very ashamed of myself. But not of the girl inside me who wanted to desperately save her mother. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm so sorry. And I know that no number of words I'd say would ever make you forgive me."
"It's hard for me to trust you again, Chiara. I don't even know what I feel anymore. I love you and I hate you all together." His words pierced through my chest. I smiled at him, "That's okay. I know nothing could bring back what we had. I ruined it. But if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, please do." I stood up and left.
How could I sit there still? I felt like I was getting skinned alive. Or like someone was grinding my bones. And these damn tears wouldn't stop coming out. I lost him, for good. I covered my mouth and shut the door behind me.
The next day, we had breakfast together and I helped him around the house. He was talking to me but the gap between us remained. And it was so big that it was suffocating me. I'd planned on leaving early this morning. But my heavy heart couldn't leave without seeing him for the last time. Or touching him, or hearing him talking to me, or his eyes looking at me, or seeing his beautiful smile, or getting rid of this painful distance we shared on the damn couch I turned away wiping my tears as we both watched a TV show.
I excused myself and took the empty plates of fruits to the kitchen. Suddenly my phone rang. I pressed it to my ear. "Luca," I'd saved the number that day, just in case he called again. And he did today, making my heart race like I was in a marathon. My grip around the phone tightened as he kept talking. "Don't try anything stupid. I'll be there." I hung up the call, pocketed it and walked to the sink. I opened the tap and splashed water on my face.
I returned back to find him heading out with Storm. "I'm meeting with Papa," he said to me. He didn't have to report to me, and he knew it. But the fact that he did make my fucked-up heart swell. I walked over to him and hugged him, hard. His body stiffened.
I pulled back after a while, blinking my tears away. He raised my chin using his two fingers. "Are you okay?" Deep lines formed on his forehead. "Yeah. Go." I stepped back from his hold. My heart shuttered into tiny pieces, all over again. I gave him the widest smile I could manage. He regarded me with a look before he left.
I collapsed to my knees the moment the door was shut, my hopes crushing down with me. Tears blurred my vision.
These past few months I thought even me, a person with so much darkness inside me that it was even hard to see anything past my cold eyes, could dream. Here I found humanity, protection, joy, happiness and love. I found a family that I'd never had before. I found things that I never thought I could ever experience.
Carmelo made me believe that even I could dream like everybody else.
That I was worthy of happiness. That the dark chaos inside did not define me.
Poor me. For hoping.
Some of us were never made to know the joy of living. Trouble always pulled me to it, as if I were a goddamn magnet. I chuckled, tears streaming profusely.
I tried. I tried so fucking hard to imitate the light, but clearly, I belonged to the dark side.