CARMELO
I watched them present their new proposal, trying my best not to dwell on the things in my head. Then my phone vibrated on the table. Her name flushed on the screen. My gaze zeroed on it and the more I watched it, the more my blood boiled.
I flipped it and focused back. But the phone still vibrated, so I put it on flight mode instead. Clenching both my fists and jaws. These past few weeks have been the most painful weeks of my life. It was a miracle that I was still alive with how aching my heart was. I didn't need her voice adding to it.
One time she called while she was having anxiety and begged me to at least talk so that she could hear my voice. I didn't and watched her suffer. Her gasps and sobs were still fresh in my mind. Tormenting the fuck out of me further.
How could she do this to me? I know our relationship started off with a lot of lies and troubles but not once in my life had I lied about anything to her. That's why I came clean to her the moment she opened her eyes in my house that day. Because deep down I couldn't tolerate liars.
And then she had to go and lie to me. This whole time? This whole fucking time? So, everything that happened between us was just an illusion. A fucking lie? I gave my all into making sure this relationship worked out and her on the other hand was playing with me all along. Playing with my feelings, my heart and emotions.
I sprang up from the chair making everyone stare at me. "This meeting is adjourned." I said and strode out. I couldn't keep staying there when I was on the brink of losing it. I couldn't focus on anything else but her. Even when all I wanted right now was to forget about her.
I laughed at myself as I made my way to my office. Forget her? How do I even start to do that? Her memories and our times together were going to torment me for the rest of my life. Curious why? Because I deeply fucking loved her! Yes! And I was so fucking blind not to notice anything odd.
Because I thought she was genuine. I really thought she was. Fuck me! Fuck me for thinking that I could have a future with her. Fuck me for dreaming of starting a family with her. Fuck me for thinking we could spend the rest of our time waking up into each other's arms.
I was so fucking blind. God. I sat down on my desk. Forcefully loosened the tie and slammed it down. It was suffocating me as well. It's funny, that someone who was like breathing air for me was now the same air that was suffocating me. She was suffocating me. I popped my hands on the desk and let my head fall on them. My shoulders shook. I didn't want to cry, I really didn't. But I couldn't stop these damn tears from falling either.
I couldn't forgive her. I wouldn't.