CHIARA
I sat in the confessional. The four walls closed in and engulfed me with darkness, like the one existing in my life. My heart was picking up pace with each passing second. I stared at the little holes of the window. Maybe I shouldn't be here. This was a wrong idea since I was about to commit more sins. "Whenever you are ready my child." Said Father on the other side.
When I told the family that I had something I needed to do after the Mass, they were all surprised. But Carmelo was much more concerned. He even asked if he should accompany me. But I turned him down. I was used to independently dealing with my troubles. This too was my own mess to carry and deal with.
When people went for communion earlier, I had thoughts of how much my hereafter would be. I wasn't truly one to care about these things but when I watched just how much faith people had in God made me want to feel what they felt even for once. I was extremely pissed off that whenever bad things happened to me, God did not help me. I helped myself. However, the past few weeks have been a total dream for me. I felt like God was finally seeing me. And maybe it was time for me to find him.
I have done a lot of things, mostly bad. And I knew for a fact that even after confessing today, I might end up repeating what I did or worse. There was no guarantee of a normal life for me, not when Antonio was still on my back. Even though for the first time in my life, I was considering what a normal life would be with the man God sent my way lately.
I took a deep breath, "I killed people. A lot of people. And I might end up doing it again. Would your God still forgive me?"
"My God is full of forgiveness, my child. However, committing a sin when you know it is a sin is not an ethical thing to do."
"Ethical? The world has been cruel to me for years. God never helped me out."
"You are still breathing, you are not crippled, and you can talk and see just fine while some other people out there are not as privileged as you are. We tend to look for God in big matters when God's existence is everywhere and even in the smallest things that we ignore. You are not where you were before, that is God. We need to show some gratitude for the privileges bestowed upon us."
My head pressed on the holed window, lone tear trickling down. "It's different for me. I have no choice." I walked out of the box while Father called out for me. I wiped my face before heading outside, where the rest of the family had already gotten into the cars. But Carmelo was leaning on his car's door. He stood upright at my arrival. "Are you alright?" he asked, lifting my chin. Yes, after seeing you. The words were at the tip of my tongue. "Mm-hmm." I cracked a smile and hugged him. He caressed my hair and placed a kiss on it. I was not where I was before and it was God.
We were about to leave when a paparazzi rushed to us. Our security team tried to shoo her away but I asked them to let her through. She took out her notebook and pen, and used her phone to record us. "So when did the two of you meet?" she asked. "Obviously, not so long ago," I replied.
"But the two of you look like you knew each for a while now. Were you two having a secret relationship by any chance?" She asked. Honestly, I was terrified by how fast things were moving between us too.
"There was no secret relationship between us. Everything just happened. Perfect timing you can say," replied Carmelo, pressing his lips to my hand. "That's wonderful, but let's get to the best part. Aren't the two of your families rivals? How come you got together? And what do your parents think about your relationship?"
"Our family's rivalry had nothing to do with us. And we simply don't care about their opinion on this. We're grown people, we make our own choices," replied Carmelo. Making me want to pull him down to my lips. Why the fuck?
"Wonderful. And were you the one who kidnapped her on her wedding day, Mr. Conti?" her eyes narrowed. "Yes. It was me." He deadpanned. "And what are your thoughts on this, Miss Marino?" I looked at the man, "Well, I'm glad he did." Wholeheartedly.
"Okay last question. I'm curious about how you two got this close in such a short period of time, given your background together. How do the two of you cooperate?"
Carmelo looked straight at me, smirking. I turned to face the lady. "Oh, we do just fine sweetheart. He gives me his money and I spend them like there is no tomorrow. It's a full time corporation." I said.
"Come on, tesoro. We still have lunch with the family." Melo grinned proudly at me and we left the poor lady with a puzzled look.