CHIARA
20 years ago….
I opened the door and sat in before strapping the seatbelt. "You did well." Antonio said to me before pressing a button on his handphone. At least, I didn't have to slit anybody's throat today.
I had just let out a breath of relief when suddenly a scary blowing sound came from behind us. I could feel the heat and the flames at the corners of my eyes as we all got shoved ahead at the impact.
My eyes widened up and I quickly turned behind, only to find out it was the car I'd been to just a few seconds ago.
It was lit with a raging fire while the four good uncles who gave me a candy were screaming on top of their lungs. The fire was burning them alive. Until their voices died down.
"Go! What are you waiting for?" Antonio barked at the driver. Tears left my eyes. My body trembled as I pressed the candy in my pocket, watching the fire I caused as our car raced away.
****
Back to the present…
"Chiara! Chiara, wake up!" My body was shaking. "Shit! Chiara!" My eyes shot open and I sucked in a deep breath. My body was trembling and tears were streaming endlessly. "Fuck!" Carmelo uttered and pulled me in his embrace. "You're okay, calm down." His one hand wrapped around my back while the other caressed my hair repeatedly. I couldn't breathe.
I forced my eyes shut, "I'm not." I said in between my ragged breaths that echoed inside the room. He pulled me back. I opened my eyes and met with his concerned ones. "I'm not—okay." I sniffled, gripping the front of his shirt hard with both of my hands. "I'm not okay. I'm not okay. Stop lying to me." I shook my head. "I'm not." More tears poured along with the rain.
You'd think the storm outside was aware of the one that was raging inside me. "Shh…" Carmelo hugged me again as I cried out loudly in his arms. "It is okay not to be, Chiara. Nobody would put you to jail for not being okay. Not everybody that you see out there is okay. I included." His words only made me cry even harder, burying my face on his chest.
I wasn't okay. And I couldn't believe that it took this man to tell me the truth that I was trying to escape for years, to finally come at peace with it.
I was not okay, and it was okay not to be. Even when I was dreaming of all of the people that I'd killed to protect myself and my mother.
At some point I felt like killing myself for doing it. But I also knew, I couldn't stop this or change what happened in the past. My life was fucked up since the day I turned eight. Since that cursed Boxing Day. Since that demon came into our lives and took everything from me, even my humanity.
It took me a while to finally dry up all of my tears. I just let his warmth melt the cold that frosted everything inside me. And his careful hands make me forget how shitty my life was as he patted me. Even if it would only last a few minutes.
I lifted my head and faced the man. "How do you feel?" He asked, pushing the hair that covered half of my face behind. Like I could use a kiss. "Terrible." I murmured. "That's good news I guess, you are never not terrible." He replied. I sneered and slapped his shoulder. He laughed, "What? I'm telling the truth." I could only smile at his words.
We were both staring at each other as our amusement died down. I was literally sitting on his lap but none of us seemed to want to speak of that or get away from it. The pull was strong. Our chests went up and down in sync.
I'd never spoken to anyone about the explosion event. This man here saved me for a second time. And I didn't know what to make out of it.
Especially when our lives were two worlds apart. Yet, the connection I felt with him lately was undeniable. Even though I couldn't explore it. I had no such luxury. My hand traced the back of his neck, making his hand tighten around my waist.
"Why are you so quiet?" I mumbled, letting myself get drawn by the deep dark depths of his eyes. "How about you?" He asked back. My hand went up to the back of his head, my face slowly closing in. His lips parted and his eyes fell on my lips for a beat before finding mine again. We were breathing each other with our current closeness. Then I decided to keep everything the fuck out of my mind and kiss him.
Carmelo turned his face away before our lips could connect by hugging me. A thunder echoed in the room and seeped into my heart. "I'm sorry." He said. A wave of pain mixed with shock and embarrassment washed over me.
I blinked and exhaled, letting what just happened sink in. Fresh tears formed in my eyes. I untangled myself from him. Why did I do that? Fuck! I couldn't even face him. "Chiara, wait!" I pulled my hand from his hold and ran to the bathroom.