Chuuya is in the middle of his work the next time Dazai shows up. He takes one look and knows exactly what to say.
Dazai stands there in his doorway, not having bothered to knock, looking like he's about to keel over from exhaustion.
"Chuuya," He mumbles, and he doesn't need to say anything else.
"Shoes off." Chuuya says. "Then bed. Don't make me say it twice."
Dazai's shoulders slump in relief, and he kneels down to untie his shoes. Chuuya takes his glasses off, folding them and setting them down on his desk, and turns in his chair so he can face Dazai fully.
Dazai struggles getting his shoes off, and Chuuya is about to get up to help him when he finally succeeds. He doesn't bother to place them by the door, and Chuuya doesn't reprimand him for it. Dazai walks slowly towards Chuuya's bed, seemingly weighed down by how tired he is. When he's seated on the mattress, he looks up at Chuuya from where his face has turned down towards the ground.
"Need you," He whispers, and Chuuya would be lying if he said his stomach doesn't flip over, if his heart doesn't flutter.
"Yeah," He says. "Alright. Let me finish up here. Get comfortable while you wait, okay?"
Dazai makes a grumbling noise of complaint, but he lays down, turning onto his side so he's facing the wall. Chuuya watches him bring his knees up to his chest. Dazai's breathing is quiet. Chuuya has never been more grateful that he's breathing at all.
"Chuuya," Dazai says again, and Chuuya sighs in resignation. He'll never get anything done with the knowledge that Dazai is here, waiting for him, anyway.
"Coming, Dazai." Chuuya murmurs, getting to his feet. He's also tired. He could use this, too. "Can you lift the covers?"
Dazai whines, but he kicks the covers down, wiggling around so that he's not on top of them anymore. Chuuya settles onto the mattress beside him, and Dazai latches onto him immediately, burrowing into Chuuya so that his head is tucked under Chuuya's chin.
Chuuya breathes him in, the slight scent of sandalwood flooding his senses.
"Did you shower before you came here?" He asks, his hand rubbing circles between Dazai's shoulder blades. Dazai shudders, clinging to Chuuya tighter. He lets out a tired hum of agreement.
"I waited until it dried." Dazai mumbles, already sounding half asleep. "I didn't want you to be uncomfortable."
"I don't care about that shit." Chuuya tells him. "We made this arrangement for a reason. If you're too tired to wait for your hair to dry, come anyway. I wouldn't care if it was still wet."
He struggles against the instinct to nose at Dazai's hair. Dazai is here. He's okay. Chuuya isn't going to lose him again. He'll make sure of it. Dazai makes a quiet snuffling sound in response, his fingers curling and uncurling in the fabric of Chuuya's shirt, and then all the tension in his body slowly bleeds out. His breathing slows down, and Chuuya knows he's drifted off without having to check.
He doesn't stop rubbing Dazai's back. His mind drifts, too, to the other day after Dazai had left. Immediately after the door had shut behind him, Chuuya had turned to Shirase.
"Put your earbuds in." He'd said. "I have to make a call. It's important."
Shirase had given him a bewildered look, but followed orders. As soon as the earbuds were in place, music blasting from them, Chuuya had dialed Fyodor's number. It had only rang twice before Fyodor picked up.
"Chuuya?" He'd asked. "Do you need something?"
"I know who's hurting Dazai." He'd blurted out, unable to keep the tremor out of his voice. Fyodor's breathing had stopped short.
"I'm not home yet." He'd said, quietly. "Who is it?"
"Mori Ougai." Chuuya had told him, his whole body trembling with rage. "He took Dazai in when he ran away. Fyodor, this has been going on since before he was eighteen, he's been hurting since then, I should've figured it out sooner, I should have–"
"Calm down." Fyodor had ordered. "Just breathe, Chuuya. And don't do anything rash, either. We'll figure it out. We'll make a plan."
And so they had begun to formulate a plan. They'd gotten Ranpo involved, because he has connections, and also because Fyodor might be a genius, but Chuuya isn't, and two geniuses is always better than one.
Now, Chuuya listens to Dazai's soft breathing, evidence that he's here, he's alive, he's safe in Chuuya's arms. Chuuya should ask. He should make sure that Dazai is okay, that he hasn't been seeing Mori since his attempt. Chuuya knows from Fyodor that he had while they weren't talking, and that thought makes anger bubble in his chest. Anger at himself. Anger that while he had been moping over whatever misunderstanding he'd made up in his head this time, Dazai had been hurting in ways Chuuya can't even imagine.
"You're okay." He murmurs into Dazai's hair. Dazai shifts against him, pressing his nose into Chuuya's shirt. It's endearing how much he has to curl inward to get his head against Chuuya's chest, tucked under his chin. Their height difference really isn't so big, but Dazai is about a head taller than him, even though he tries to be smaller in situations like this.
It's an eight inch difference, as Dazai had proudly announced once. It had never once affected any power dynamic between them, though. Dazai had always folded like putty in his hands, and now Chuuya knows why.
Dazai had loved him. For how long, Chuuya doesn't know. Long enough for him to keep that lie going, to spin a spider web that he could only get caught in in the end, when Chuuya found out. Long enough that he didn't care about any of that, as long as he could have Chuuya beside him.
And Chuuya had missed that chance. Dazai might still love him, but he'd set rules, and Chuuya isn't about to break them. He'd learned his lesson the first time around. That's okay. He'll settle for this, for having Dazai back in his life again, for being friends, even if he misses the connection they'd had before.
This is fine. This is better than fine. Dazai will never be his, but that's okay. Chuuya breathes out a long sigh of relief. Just as he's about to give in and close his eyes, the door creaks open. It's only mid-day, so the look on Shirase's face is understandable. He does a double-take, looking bewildered.
"Do you want me to leave?" He whispers, gesturing over his shoulder with his thumb. Chuuya shakes his head as much as he's able to.
"Just keep it down." He murmurs. "This is probably the deepest sleep he's gotten in a few days."
Shirase blinks, stepping inside and shutting the door quietly behind him.
"This is the arrangement you told me about, right?" He keeps his voice down, which is an accomplishment for someone like Shirase. He's always been loud and boisterous, even when they were kids. Especially then.
"Yeah," Chuuya murmurs. "He can't sleep alone. Apparently I'm the only option he has."
Shirase raises an eyebrow.
"No offense, but that doesn't exactly sound platonic." He says. "You guys are dumb. He literally confessed to you. Why haven't you said anything?"
Chuuya looks away.
"I couldn't do that to him." His voice is quiet. Dazai squirms against him, making a small noise of discomfort. Chuuya starts rubbing his back again, and Dazai immediately relaxes, melting against him. Chuuya makes sure he's sleeping again before he continues. "He told me not to, Shirase. I want to respect that."
Shirase sighs deeply, making his way over to his bed and flopping down on it dramatically.
"This is so unnecessary." He says. "It would all be so much easier if you just confessed already. Do you know how painful it was to watch you two dance around each other for so long? And you didn't even realize until Paris! Unbelievable."
"I think I liked him before then," Chuuya admits, closing his eyes. His eyelids feel heavy, weighed down by the exhaustion of his schoolwork and the stress of planning to get rid of Mori. "I just didn't want to believe it."
"No shit." Shirase deadpans. "But why?" When Chuuya stays silent, he continues. "You're not your mom, you know? Or your dad. You're just Nakahara Chuuya. That's all. You make your own path."
"I know that now." Chuuya says dryly. "I didn't know then. I've never been in love before, Shirase. I always thought I wouldn't ever let myself. It's scary."
"So, what?" Shirase presses. "You're just never going to tell him? That's how you lose him, Chuuya. What happens if you lose him?"
"I don't know," Chuuya hates how helpless he sounds. "I don't know. I already almost lost him. I can't let that happen again."
Shirase sighs again.
"You guys are hopeless." He grumbles. "I can't believe this. If you don't tell him soon I'm kicking your ass."
"What if he says no?" Chuuya asks, increasingly aware of the warm weight of Dazai's head pressed against his chest.
"I don't know how to tell you this," Shirase says, after hesitating for a moment. "But if you know anything about Dazai, you should know that he'll say yes."
"Didn't I tell you?" Chuuya sighs, and opens his eyes again. "I don't know if I really knew the real Dazai at all."
"So get to know him." Shirase says. "That was the whole point of starting over, right?"
Shirase is right.
But Chuuya is a coward, so he stays silent. When Dazai wakes up, bleary eyed and well rested for the first time in days, Chuuya doesn't say a word of what he'd spoken to Shirase about.
"So, you and Dazai." Tachihara says, the next time they hang out. They've been hanging out a lot lately. Mostly to go over homework, because they have the same major.
Chuuya blinks.
"Dazai?" He asks. "What about him?"
"Well, have you fixed things?" Tachihara asks, fiddling with his pencil. He looks oddly nervous.
"Not yet." Chuuya answers honestly. He sets his pencil down. "I'm working on it, though. I want him to be able to trust me again."
Tachihara blinks at him.
"So you're not like… together again?" He asks.
Chuuya sputters, his face heating.
"What the hell, man?" He grumbles. "We were never together, okay?"
A little bit of Tachihara's nervousness seems to fade.
"Oh." He says. "So he won't mind that we hang out so often?"
Chuuya stares at him, bewildered.
"What would there be to be jealous over?" He asks. "We're just doing homework. Besides, Dazai isn't a possessive person, as far as I know. He wouldn't freak out or anything, even if we were together."
But is that true? Chuuya takes a moment to really think it over. He's vaguely aware of Tachihara nodding his head, mumbling some sort of agreement, but all he can really think about is Dazai. Would Dazai be angry if he still had feelings for Chuuya after all? Would he be jealous?
He thinks about it, and ultimately decides that Dazai wouldn't be. After all, he and Tachihara are just friends. Mostly, they just study. Sometimes they get a sandwich together, but that's all.
"Hey, Chuuya, are you listening?"
Chuuya snaps himself out of his thoughts and turns back to Tachihara.
"Sorry," He says sheepishly. "What were you saying?"
Tachihara sets his pencil down on the library table.
"I was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie with me." He says. "And some friends of mine, too."
"Oh." Chuuya is a little bit startled by this proposition. "I'll have to check my calendar."
He'll also have to check with Dazai. Again, not because Dazai needs to know, or that he's keeping tabs on everything that Chuuya does, but if Dazai needs him for something and Chuuya's phone is off, he wants Dazai to know ahead of time.
He doesn't want a repeat of last time. Just that thought makes his hands shake a little bit as he reaches into his pocket for his phone.
"What day and time?" Chuuya asks, and Tachihara lights up like a sparkler in summer. His grin is wide, his canines a little sharper than the average person's. He looks a little bit like a highschool delinquent. Chuuya wonders what made him choose fashion.
"I was thinking tomorrow at eight." Tachihara gushes. "There's this new film out– great ratings, by the way– and Gin and Higuchi invited me to go, but I'll just be third wheeling if I go alone."
Chuuya blinks.
"Oh, alright." He says, thumbing through his contacts. He finds Dazai's and taps on it, opening their most recent conversation.
slug 🐌
hey
He doesn't have to wait long for an answer.
mackerel 🐟
Chuuya!!!!
hi
Chuuya bites his lip to contain the smile that wants to slip out. Dazai's texting habits have never changed, and Chuuya's heart still swells every time he receives a message.
slug 🐌
i'm gonna be busy tomorrow
at around 8. just wanted to
let you know ahead of time
He thinks about it for a moment before deciding to add more.
slug 🐌
if you need anything TELL ME.
I will be there.
no exceptions.
mackerel 🐟
Chuuya~
of course I will
when have I ever withheld
anything from you?
don't answer that.
This time Chuuya can't hold back his smile, or the giggle that leaves his lips. He's glad that they can joke about it at this point. The wound is not quite fresh, still mending around the edges, but it's better. It's getting better.
slug 🐌
you better
if you don't and something
happens I'll be disappointed
in you :/
mackerel 🐟
noooo
This time when Chuuya laughs, Tachihara looks over at him curiously. His eyes, normally sharp and calculating, are a little bit wider now.
"Who's that?" He asks. It's an innocent question, and Chuuya doesn't see anything wrong with answering.
"It's just Dazai," He replies. He texts Dazai a smiley face and sets his phone face down on the table. "I wanted to let him know I'd be busy. He comes over sometimes without asking, and I didn't want him to expect me to be there when I'm not."
Tachihara blinks.
"And you're okay with that?" He asks. "Him coming over without asking you?"
Chuuya blinks back.
"I mean, yeah." He says. "We're friends. I enjoy his company. He doesn't need to ask for things like that."
Tachihara averts his eyes, thumbing at his lip nervously.
"Are we?" He mumbles. "Friends, I mean."
"Of course!" Chuuya replies, sure as anything. "You're the person I hang out with most, aside from him and Shirase."
He doesn't say that Tachihara couldn't possibly hold a candle to the enigma that is Dazai. Their smiles don't even compare. Tachihara's is wild and sharp, and Dazai's real smile is something soft and sweet. Something sad, like he doesn't even know he can smile at all.
Chuuya is thrown back to their first study session in the library. Dazai had been watching him, and not the paper. Chuuya hadn't realized then, but maybe Dazai had fallen much earlier than he'd let on. If only Chuuya hadn't been so blind to that. If only he'd been ready to accept it.
Tachihara smiles at him, crooked and uncontained, and it's endearing, but it could never compare to the emotion that Dazai's smile evokes in Chuuya.
"Tomorrow at eight." Chuuya says, snapping himself out of his thoughts. "I'll be there."
Chuuya doesn't feel obligated to take care of Dazai. He doesn't, but the nerves that shake him when he stops in front of the movie theatre are too much to really ignore. Why is he nervous?
If Dazai needs something, Chuuya is hoping he'll ask, but he's worried that he won't. Dazai isn't usually honest about that kind of thing, even though he's gotten better at asking for help. He lies less now, and Chuuya appreciates it. Chuuya is more honest, too. He says things when he thinks them, if they're not going too far.
A simple "you look good" when Dazai does, which is always. Linking their pinkies when he wants to. It makes all the difference. He can tell that Dazai seems lighter lately, that the sleep he's been getting is really paying off. His eye bags aren't as dark anymore.
Chuuya is snapped out of his thoughts about Dazai by a call of his name.
"Chuuya!" Tachihara shouts, and Chuuya looks up from where he's been staring at his feet. Tachihara waves, grinning wide. Beside him are two figures. He's seen them around campus, but now he can put names to faces.
Gin's hair is normally up in a bun, but right now it's loose, hanging down their back. Higuchi's hair is shorter, but also hanging loose. It seems that they've decided to match.
"Hey," Chuuya says, feeling faint, and a little bit out of his depth. "I'm Chuuya. Nice to officially meet you."
Gin smirks a little bit. It's not unkind, but it does make Chuuya nervous. He's considering calling this whole thing off and telling Dazai to come over so they can just sleep instead. He wrings his hands to get rid of any anxiety he's feeling.
"Mich has told us all about you." Gin says, grinning. Tachihara elbows them, looking oddly red.
"That's sweet." Chuuya says, absent-mindedly. "I've heard a little bit about you, too. We mostly just talk about school stuff."
"You're pretty studious, aren't you, Chuuya?" Higuchi asks. "I mean, I heard you were tutoring someone a couple months ago for extra credit, but you didn't actually need it, right?"
Chuuya shrugs.
"I didn't need it, but I wanted to be safe." He says. "You never know how individual professors are going to let your final affect your grade. Besides, I think something good came out of it."
He rocks back on his heels a bit, eyeing the crowd that has begun to form outside of the theatre.
"We should go in, right?" He asks, his hands feeling clammy. He wipes them on his pants. He doesn't know why he's so nervous.
Gin checks their phone and nods.
"It's about time, yeah." They say. "We got our tickets online, so we can just show them when we go in."
Chuuya jerks his head to the side to look at Tachihara, who is grinning sheepishly.
"You paid for my ticket?" He asks, bewildered. "How much was it? I'll pay you back."
Tachihara rubs the back of his neck and shakes his head.
"It's no big deal, really." He murmurs. "You seem like you could use a break from everything you're dealing with right now."
Chuuya blinks, and wipes his hands on his pants again. He isn't quite sure what Tachihara is referring to.
"Okay." He says helplessly. "Let's go."
They slide into their seats just as the previews start, popcorn and drinks in hand. Chuuya had insisted on buying his own, even though Tachihara had offered to pay for that, too.
Chuuya can't think about anything other than Dazai. He's distracted, and he feels bad about it, because he thinks it shows. Maybe he should invite Dazai to see this film again, just so he can really focus. Chuuya grimaces at that thought. He doesn't think he could possibly focus with Dazai beside him, practically glowing in the light radiating off the screen. His smile would be small, his eyes crinkled at the corners like they usually do when he really smiles, when he means it, and Chuuya knows he wouldn't be able to take his eyes off of him.
He can hear Gin and Higuchi giggling together, and jumps in his seat when Tachihara's hand crosses into his vision to grab some of his popcorn.
"Oh! Sorry," Tachihara whispers. "I didn't mean to startle you, I just ran out. Is it okay if we share?"
Chuuya doesn't see why not. He hasn't had more than a single bite, his stomach tossing and turning with anxiety over the thought of missed calls or messages.
"You can have it all, if you want." He whispers back, pushing the container in Tachihara's direction. Tachihara frowns, looking almost… disappointed. Chuuya is probably just imagining things.
"Are you sure?" Tachihara asks lowly. "You paid for it, man. I don't want to just take all of it if you're still gonna eat it."
Chuuya shrugs.
"I don't mind." He says. A peek around Tachihara at Higuchi and Gin shows them snuggled up together. "I'm not that hungry anyways. I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick."
He gets up, ignoring Tachihara's slightly discouraged expression. Chuuya feels guilty, but he can't help the stress he's feeling about Dazai. As soon as he gets to the bathroom, he pulls his phone out, turning off Do Not Disturb and checking for any notifications. There aren't any from Dazai.
Chuuya doesn't know whether to be relieved or more worried. He hurries to type a message, deciding that it's better to be safe than sorry.
slug 🐌
hey, are you still good?
The few moments that Dazai takes to reply feel like years. Then Chuuya gets a message.
mackerel 🐟
👍
are u texting me in the
theatre????
The sigh of relief Chuuya lets out is louder than he means it to be. His anxiety fades slightly, and his shoulders slump with it.
slug 🐌
I'm in the bathroom
thought I would check
on you
He can almost picture the way Dazai would laugh at him. God, he wants to hear it. He'd seen Dazai just yesterday, but it's never enough. Chuuya wants to be with him every day, always and forever. He needs Dazai like he needs air to breathe. Without him, Chuuya feels like he's suffocating.
mackerel 🐟
needy~
i'm alright! worry about
the movie instead of me!
Chuuya almost wants to cry. He has no clue what the movie is even about, unable to do anything but worry about Dazai since he even entered the theatre. Worrying had lead to other thoughts, how soft Dazai's hair is when he tucks his face against Chuuya's neck, how his fingernails are finally healing and don't have as many scabs as they used to. Little things that Chuuya always, always notices, to make up for the things he hadn't noticed before.
Dazai's eyes are dark, but they get a certain glimmer in them when he's truly happy. Chuuya loves that look on him the most. The days when Dazai comes to him tired and broken are more often than not, so when he's happy, really happy, it's a blessing. It's a relief. Chuuya wants to make Dazai as happy as possible, forever. It comes as a sudden hit in his chest that he wants to spend the rest of his life at Dazai's side. Even if they just stay friends.
slug 🐌
ha. ha.
do you want to
come over later
He worries his lip with his teeth as he awaits Dazai's response, and almost drops his phone when he gets one.
mackerel 🐟
tonight??
to sleep?
slug 🐌
yes.
why else???
mackerel 🐟
so mean 😔
I thought Chuuya might
want to spend time with
me outside of sleeping
That startles a laugh out of Chuuya, and it's a good feeling. He feels much more relaxed now that he's talking to Dazai.
slug 🐌
dumbass. if you want
to hang out with me
just say so.
we can hang out before
we sleep.
I missed you|
He deletes that one. He can't bring himself to send something like that. He doesn't want to overwhelm Dazai, or cross any boundaries. Chuuya bites his lip again, cursing his newfound anxiety. He's always been blunt and confident. It's no fair that Dazai turns him into the mess that he is now. It's no fair that Chuuya wouldn't give that up for the entire world.
mackerel 🐟
if chuuya wants~
Chuuya grimaces. Dazai is so unsure in everything he does now. Even before, it must have been there. He'd let Chuuya take the lead when things like leading weren't even needed. But it was more subtle then. Before.
Maybe Chuuya just knows Dazai better now. And because of that, because he knows Dazai better, because he knows that this is a moment where Dazai is reaching for reassurance, as quietly as he can, he gives that reassurance willingly. Openly.
slug 🐌
I do want.
so come over then
He can almost picture the way Dazai's face would soften upon reading that text, dark eyes becoming not lighter, but shinier, like there's a glint in their future that's within reach now. The smile Dazai wears that always manages to look sad, even when he's truly happy, a little broken around the edges, like it hurts him to even be able to do it.
mackerel 🐟
alright
what time?
Chuuya sucks his lower lip into his mouth to hide a giddy smile, even though he knows that no one is watching.
slug 🐌
there's probably another hour
of the movie left.
and it'll probably take like
30 minutes to get back
home.
mackerel 🐟
just give me a time chuuya~
Chuuya rolls his eyes, but he's still smiling.
slug 🐌
10:30
give or take a few minutes
that work for you?
mackerel 🐟
👍
I'll be there.
Relieved, Chuuya lets out a deep sigh. He turns Do Not Disturb back on and slips his phone into his jean pocket. A weight lifted off of his shoulders, he heads back into the theatre that's showing their film.
He slips back into his seat so silently that Tachihara startles beside him.
"Jesus!" Tachihara whispers, clasping a hand over his chest. "You scared me."
"Sorry," Chuuya chuckles. He relaxes against the soft cushion of the chair, feeling much better now. Maybe he'll actually be able to enjoy the movie somewhat now that his stress regarding Dazai is mostly gone.
He watches the movie screen silently for a moment, but finds himself still unable to focus, giddy with excitement to see Dazai again. His fingers curl into the fabric of his jeans tightly as he thinks about it more, eyes seeing nothing but potential outcomes. He wants to spend forever with Dazai. The thought scares him a lot less now than it would have just months prior, even though it probably isn't possible exactly how he wants it.
He's startled out of his daydreams by the feeling of hair raising on the back of his neck as Tachihara's arm slips around his shoulders. Chuuya jumps, letting out a small sound of surprise, and looks over at Tachihara curiously. Lit up by the light coming from the screen, Tachihara looks oddly guilty.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He rubs at the back of his neck sheepishly. Chuuya blinks. "You just looked a little cold. Are you?"
"Cold?" Chuuya asks, and then laughs lightly. "No. I looked cold to you?"
Tachihara removes his arm and grins. It looks a little awkward, like he's embarrassed.
"Oh, sorry then." He says. "Yeah, just a little bit."
"I'm okay." Chuuya reassures him. "Just focus on the movie, you don't have to worry about me."
Tachihara makes another awkward expression, like he's grimacing just a bit, but ultimately seems to agree, turning back to the movie.
"Let me know if you need anything, then." He says, and Chuuya nods, setting his elbow on the armrest and resting his head on his hand. He doesn't need anything. They watch the rest of the movie in silence.
"Thanks for tonight," Chuuya says, when they exit the theatre. Higuchi and Gin stand a few feet away, giggling together about something in the film. Something Chuuya definitely hadn't been paying attention to. "I had fun."
That's a bit of an overstatement, but Chuuya would be lying if he said it hadn't been nice to get out and do something with a new group of people. He hasn't been out with Yuan and Shirase in what feels like forever, all because of Yuan's hard stance that Chuuya shouldn't have to make amends to Dazai for anything.
It's a shame. Chuuya almost feels bad for cutting her off. They'd grown up together for years, the longest time without each other being when Chuuya had left for France for two years. He'd been ecstatic to see her again.
"I had fun, too." Tachihara says, smiling widely. "We should do stuff like this more often."
Chuuya returns Tachihara's smile with one of his own.
"If I can find the time, I'd totally be down." He says. "Sorry if I seemed a bit distracted tonight. I've just got other stuff going on, too."
Tachihara waves a flippant hand.
"No worries, Chuuya." His voice is steady and reassuring. "I get it. Want me to walk you home? I'm going that way, anyways."
Chuuya blinks.
"Oh, sure." He says. "I didn't realize you lived nearby."
Tachihara shrugs, waving goodbye to Higuchi and Gin.
"I don't, but I have a friend who does." He explains. "I'm going to spend the night at his place. Tanizaki Junichiro. Have you heard of him?"
Chuuya shakes his head, shoving his hands into his pockets. His fingers feel along the edge of his phone. He aches to pull it out and text Dazai, but he doesn't want to be rude.
"Oh." Tachihara continues, scratching at the bandaid on the bridge of his nose. "He's pretty cool. I used to have a crush on him, but I think he's only into girls."
"Aww." Chuuya replies, kicking a stray pebble as they walk along the sidewalk. "That's a shame. Have you asked him?"
Tachihara sighs.
"It's alright," He says. "I'm pretty much over him. I have a new crush now."
"Oh." Chuuya blinks. "Who is it?"
Tachihara bites his lip, looking away.
"I can't say," He mumbles, looking oddly pink. "I don't think he likes me the same way anyways."
"Just go for it," Chuuya reassures. He repeats the words he's heard from so many different people over the past few months. "You'll never know unless you try."
When Tachihara looks at him again, his eyes are wide.
"You think so?" He asks.
"Yeah." Chuuya says, shrugging. "If you don't try, you'll probably regret it. Speaking from experience."
"Okay…" Tachihara replies, after a beat of silence. "If you say so, Chuuya."
It takes them a shorter period of time to get to Chuuya's dorm than he'd expected. When they do, Dazai is already there, waiting outside.
"Oh." He says, quietly. Then he smiles. "Tachihara, right? I remember you."
"Dazai! Hey man," Tachihara replies. He's looking at Dazai carefully, an odd tension in the air, and Chuuya wonders if he might have missed something. "You look better."
Dazai looks down at himself, his mouth twisting a little bit in a regretful smile. It's still a smile, nonetheless. It's still breathtaking.
"Really?" He asks. "Thanks. I've been sleeping better lately."
Chuuya's heart flutters in his chest, swelling and growing a little bit warm along with his cheeks.
"That's good to hear." Tachihara says. He's also smiling, as awkward as it appears. Chuuya is starting to think that Tachihara is just kind of an awkward guy. "Well, I'm gonna head out. Are you guys studying?"
Chuuya shakes his head, strands of hair flying into his face. One gets into his mouth, and he spits it out, scrunching his face up in disgust. When he looks up, Dazai is watching him again, a fond expression on his face. He looks younger than he has in weeks, more innocent, softer around the edges.
"Not tonight," Chuuya says, when he remembers how to speak. "We're just gonna hang out and then go to sleep. Right, Dazai?"
Dazai blinks at him, hands still in his coat pockets. Chuuya's coat. He's not wearing Mori's coat this time, and the relief that hits Chuuya when he realizes is nearly strong enough to make him sick. Dazai's mouth twitches up into a smile.
"Yeah." He replies, his voice soft. "I brought snacks. They're inside. I just figured I'd wait out here for you to get back."
Chuuya snorts, but he can't say he's not endeared.
"Yeah?" He asks. "How come?"
Dazai purses his lips slightly, averting his eyes.
"I just wanted to see you." He says quietly, and then clears his throat to fill the deep silence that follows. "That's all."
Chuuya feels his face grow hot in what feels like slow motion, time slowing until he forgets that there was ever anyone other than he and Dazai there in the first place.
"Oh…" Chuuya mumbles, feeling oddly embarrassed. He doesn't say what he would have a few months ago, doesn't brush Dazai off or tell him to shut up. All he says is, "Well, I'm here now. Are you happy?"
Dazai looks up from where he'd been staring at the ground, his lips quirking into a small smile.
"What do you think?" He asks, tilting his head. That's not fair. That's not fair, because Dazai should know by now that Chuuya is stupid and can't tell.
Chuuya is saved from having to answer by Tachihara coughing quietly beside him. Oh, shit. He'd forgotten that Tachihara had been there at all. Chuuya startles a bit, looking over to Tachihara, who seems a little bit sheepish.
"Okay, well, I'm gonna go." He says, waving his hand. "Bye Chuuya, I had fun. We should go out more often. Bye Dazai. Nice to see you again."
Chuuya looks over at Dazai and watches him blink quietly for a moment before he smiles again.
"Nice to see you, too." He murmurs. "And sorry for the last time."
Tachihara waves both hands rapidly at that.
"No worries at all!" He assures. "We all have… bad days."
There's a small silence between the three of them, in which they're probably all thinking the same thing. Most people's bad days aren't that bad. But Chuuya is grateful that Tachihara isn't judging, or he might have to kick Tachihara's ass, friends or not.
"I had fun, too, Tachihara." Chuuya says, to break the quiet moment. "I'd be down to do it again. Gin and Higuchi were fun to be around."
Tachihara flashes him a bright grin.
"Cool!" He exclaims. "I'll uh… I'll text you. You guys have fun. Goodnight!"
"Goodnight!" Chuuya calls, as Tachihara takes off into a light jog. "That guy. He sure is something."
"He's very… bright." Dazai says. "Kind of like a lightbulb."
Chuuya huffs, unable to help the smile that takes over his face.
"Oh yeah?" He asks. "What other kinds of bright are there?"
When he turns to look at Dazai again, Dazai is watching him carefully, eyes tracing over every feature like he's committing it to memory.
"Sunshine." He murmurs, quietly.
Chuuya's face grows hot, even in the rapidly cooling autumn air. He feels like he's on a stage, in the spotlight, and Dazai is the only person watching. He wonders what it is Dazai could possibly see in his expression to make a face like that, eyes soft and almost distant.
Chuuya wonders if Dazai is remembering what they used to be, what they used to do. Chuuya remembers. He doesn't think he could ever forget.
"Let's go inside already." He mumbles, flustered from Dazai's keen gaze. Dazai shifts all his weight to one side as he leans against the doorway, a gentle smile on his face.
"Alright," He says. "Whatever Chuuya wants."
That shouldn't make Chuuya feel the way it does, warm and fluttery inside, a swarm of butterflies rising from his stomach into his throat. He's suffocating under the glances Dazai keeps sending his way, unable to do anything but follow Dazai into the dorm.
Once inside, Dazai gestures to the space they've seemingly made their own over the past few weeks they've been in contact again. Shirase is nowhere to be found, and snacks of all kinds are laid out across Chuuya's desk. Chuuya is glad, somewhat, that Dazai is comfortable enough to settle in without Chuuya even being present. It's a good sign. A sign that maybe things are fixing themselves, that Chuuya is succeeding in regaining Dazai's trust, like he's been trying so desperately. He can't let himself believe that just yet, though. He has a lot more work to do before he can ever even think about things going back to the way they used to be.
"I tried to pick out things you'd like." Dazai says, settling onto Chuuya's mattress and swinging his legs back and forth. "But you don't have to eat any of it if you don't want to. You probably already had stuff at the theatre."
Chuuya shakes his head.
"I actually didn't." He laughs lightly, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly. "I gave Tachihara my popcorn because I wasn't hungry. I could eat now, though. What did you get?"
And Dazai does that thing that Chuuya likes most, that thing that makes his heart swell in his chest until it feels like it might just burst from how full it is. He smiles wide, his dark eyes twinkling with barely contained mirth, like he's genuinely happy to be there, genuinely happy that Chuuya had asked at all. Like a child given attention when they hadn't been expecting it, awed and excited and ecstatic all at once, Dazai jumps back to his feet, Chuuya's coat swishing as he moves towards the desk.
"Check it out," He says, still grinning. "It's a Samurai Dagashi set."
Chuuya peers at the box of candy and snacks on the desk in awe.
"Where did you even get one at this hour?" He asks, picking up a wrapped piece of candy and eyeing it carefully. Dazai shifts a bit uncomfortably, picking at the skin of his cuticles. He averts his gaze, his hair falling into his eyes.
"I've actually had it for a few days," He mumbles, sounding embarrassed. "For the next time we hung out."
Chuuya can feel his own face soften.
"Dazai," He murmurs. "Look at me."
Dazai looks up, his hair still in his eyes, wide as they take in the expression on Chuuya's face.
"Thank you." Chuuya says. "You really didn't have to get anything. I'm supposed to be making things up to you, after all."
Dazai thins his lips, shrugging.
"It's no big deal," He replies. "I have the funds, and I wanted… I wanted tonight to be nice. For both of us."
In that moment, Chuuya wants nothing more than to tug Dazai down by the collar of his coat and kiss him. He doesn't. The silence between them is louder than it ever has been before, and the air is thick with a tension Chuuya prays Dazai doesn't notice.
"It always is, isn't it?" Chuuya asks, his breath catching in his throat. "Nice, I mean."
Dazai's mouth quirks into a half-smile.
"Mostly." He replies, his eyes darting back to the snacks on the desk. Then, without looking at Chuuya, he says, "I missed you."
Chuuya is drowning in the words he wishes he could say, but can't. I missed you too, I love you, I want you, want this forever.
Instead, he smiles, unable to keep the humor out of his voice when he says, "It's been one day, Dazai."
He hopes Dazai can hear it, he hopes Dazai can tell. He hopes I missed you, too, comes across in his tone, in the words he's able to manage.
"I get bored easily." Dazai says, smiling. "When I'm not with you, anyways."
Chuuya punches him lightly in the shoulder, too soft to hurt, and Dazai looks up from the desk again, eyes bright.
"You need more friends than just me." Chuuya teases. "Is chess with the boys really too boring for you?"
Dazai sighs dramatically, lifting a hand to press against his forehead.
"Woe is me," He drones. "I am too smart for even the best of chess players."
"Certified genius." Chuuya says, grinning, and this time Dazai doesn't wince or grimace at the mention of it. Instead his smile grows softer, more demure, and he meets Chuuya's eyes.
"Come on, Chuuya," He breathes out. "Aren't you going to say you missed me, too?"
All the air is sucked out of Chuuya's lungs in an instant, and he's speechless. He could say it. He could say it now and get it over with, let Dazai know that he feels the same way, that Chuuya will stay with Dazai for as long as Dazai will have him. He could say I love you, he could do it now.
But he's quiet. His mouth hangs halfway open around words that won't form, and he watches the hopeful spark in Dazai's eyes fade. No. No, fuck that. He's not going to let Dazai down like this again.
"I missed you, too, Dazai." Chuuya blurts out, feeling shaky and unsteady on his feet, like it's taken everything he has just to vocalize what he's really thinking. "I wanted to text you earlier. I just– I couldn't– I didn't want to overstep."
"Don't be stupid," Dazai tells him quietly, smiling again. "You're too smart to let yourself get stuck like that, Chuuya, come on. You're my best friend. Missing me isn't overstepping in the slightest."
And what is? Chuuya wants to ask, feeling desperate and lost and stuck in a loop he can't ever get out of. Is it loving you? Is that where I'll go too far?
He can't bring himself to voice these thoughts, so he doesn't. He lets out a shuddering sigh of relief, instead.
"Good." He says, forcing a smile. "I don't want to lose you again."
He latches onto those words, you're my best friend, and he thinks that maybe Dazai is his, too. A friend no one else can compare to, a friend that means more to Chuuya than anyone else in the whole world.
"I don't think you will." Dazai admits, and Chuuya startles. "You're… you're doing a good job, I think."
"You really think so?" Chuuya whispers, eyes searching for any trace of a lie, any tell that Dazai might have written on his face. He doesn't find one.
"Yeah," Dazai says quietly. "I do."
I love you, I love you, I love you, Chuuya thinks. More than anything, I love you. More than anything, I'm sorry.
"I'm glad," He chokes out, instead of confessing any of the wants or desires or fears he has. "I'm gonna keep doing a good job. I'm really going to try."
Dazai smiles at him again, and he's right. There's gentler types of bright than Tachihara. Dazai is one of them, a flickering flame on a lone birthday candle. Somehow, even when you're terrified of fire, you can't help but lean towards it.
"That's all I'm asking of you, Chuuya."
Things should be better after that night, but they're not. Chuuya doesn't understand why.
It starts off slowly. Dazai becomes more withdrawn, more hesitant around him. Questions like, "I'm not bothering you, right?" become more and more frequent, no matter how many times Chuuya reassures Dazai that he wouldn't ever be a bother.
It's frustrating. Chuuya can't help but feel angry about the lack of communication, but it's quickly replaced by swelling sadness, icy fear. He'd been so sure that they were on the right track, that he was doing better– what if he's not?
What if Dazai isn't doing better? What if he's spiraling again and Chuuya can't stop it? How would he know?
"I'm worried." Chuuya says out loud, for the third time that day. Beside him, Tachihara shifts in his seat.
"So you've said," He murmurs, setting his pencil down. "But why?"
Chuuya sighs heavily, putting his face in his hands and pressing his palms into his closed eyes.
"You don't get it." He mumbles. "Dazai is… He doesn't take care of himself. He's not talking to me, and I don't know if things are… if things are getting bad again."
He'd called Fyodor about an hour prior to his and Tachihara's meeting, asking if he had noticed Dazai's symptoms worsening, or if Dazai had been hiding bruises again.
All Fyodor had done was stay silent for a few moments, before the line had crackled, and he'd said, "I think you might need to ask him yourself."
Chuuya is startled out of his thoughts by Tachihara's hand resting gently on his shoulder.
"Hey, Chuuya, are you listening?" He asks. When Chuuya meets his gaze, Tachihara's eyes soften. "There you are. I think you might just be really stressed about this whole thing because of what happened before. The best thing you can do is talk to Dazai about it. You know that, right?"
Chuuya lowers his chin and rests it on his hands, his eyes falling closed again.
"What if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore?" He whispers, voice choked and quiet as the words he's been too afraid to even think leave his lips.
"That's just something you'll have to find out." Tachihara says, sounding apologetic. "But no matter what the answer is, I'll still be here. Because you're my friend, too. You mean a lot to me, Chuuya."
Chuuya opens his eyes again, his lips parting in shock.
"Thanks," He croaks out, when he can find the words. Tachihara's hand is a heavy weight on his shoulder, not unwelcome, but Chuuya is increasingly aware of it sitting there. "Thank you, Tachihara."
When he texts Dazai later that day to see if they're on for their usual arrangement, the one Dazai has been skipping out on more and more often, he doesn't get a response.
Chuuya hopes that Dazai is getting sleep, even without him there for company.
In his free time, Chuuya ponders over colorful sticky notes on the pages of his calculus textbook. Some of them he's never even seen before, and he wonders how he possibly could have missed them. He hasn't received a new note in what feels like forever. Could it be Tachihara writing the notes, and since they hang out so often now he just doesn't feel the need to anymore? Chuuya grimaces.
He doesn't like that thought. If Tachihara has any feelings for him that are stronger than platonic, Chuuya will have to nip them in the bud. He really, honestly doesn't think that Tachihara does, though. He rubs the paper of the note he's holding between his fingers.
The messages are sweet. They range from stanzas of original poetry to lame puns and flirting that makes Chuuya cringe as much as it makes warmth well up in his chest. Even though he knows, knows that they aren't from Dazai, because Dazai had denied it when asked, all those months ago at their coffee shop. But even so… Even so, Chuuya can't help but picture that the notes were written by Dazai, as impossible as he knows it is.
It feels a little bit wrong to fantasize about things like that, about what their relationship could have been, could be if Chuuya wasn't such a coward, when he knows that it just can't. He feels a little bit ashamed, like he's taking advantage of his knowledge of Dazai's feelings for him. If Dazai still has feelings for him at all, that is. Chuuya wouldn't blame him if any and all of those had disappeared by now.
A desperate, selfish part of Chuuya hopes that they haven't. As cruel of him as it is, he wants Dazai to like him, to love him, forever and always, until the day they both die.
Let's just be people together.
Chuuya squeezes his eyes shut against the tingling pain of that memory, of the Eiffel Tower that he had been to so many times without Dazai in the years before they'd met, and how it had never once been so beautiful as it was on that day, in that moment.
You're beautiful, he'd said, and maybe Dazai hadn't heard, and maybe Dazai doesn't know, but Chuuya had meant it. With all of his heart, he had meant it, even if he didn't mean to.
Paris is something that Chuuya will never forget. Paris with Dazai in early May, pointing out shapes in the clouds that Dazai couldn't see if he tried, a carousel ride that had changed Chuuya's perspective on everything. He will never, ever forget Paris.
He misses Dazai, Chuuya realizes, halfway through vividly reimagining everything they'd ever done together. It's only been a few days since the last time they'd seen each other in person, but even that feels like too long, too much of a distance between them. It's overwhelming, terrifying, electric, how much Chuuya wants to see Dazai again.
Hurriedly, he takes out his phone and sends a message that he doesn't know if Dazai will even read.
slug 🐌
hey
do you want to come over and sleep?
we haven't done that in a while
Even though he's expecting it to take hours, maybe even days for Dazai to respond, he gets a message back just a few minutes later.
mackerel 🐟
are you sure?
Chuuya stares down at his phone screen, dumbfounded. What does Dazai even mean, is he sure? Of course he is! Chuuya has to take a deep breath and steady himself before frustration overwhelms him. Dazai is insecure, and that's okay. Right now, it's Chuuya's job to reassure him of these kinds of things, and he's going to do it. Whatever it takes to get back to even a semblance of where they were before. So he's calm, and cautious. He treats Dazai like a wild animal that he doesn't want to frighten away.
slug 🐌
always.
you don't have to if you
don't want to, though.
mackerel 🐟
I want to.
Relief hits Chuuya like a sucker punch to his gut, violent and soothing all at once, an oxymoron, something it shouldn't be. He almost feels sick with the force of it.
slug 🐌
come over when you're ready, then.
I'll be waiting. :)
He tosses his phone onto his mattress and puts his face in his hands as soon as the final message is sent. Why do relationships have to be so hard? Why can't things just be easy, like the romance movies Shirase had suggested? Dazai was right about romcoms and realism all along. Dazai was right about a lot of things. It stings to think about how long it took Chuuya to realize all of that.
Shirase is out again, though Chuuya doesn't know for how long. He should probably text him to ask, but that might send the wrong message. So instead, Chuuya sets about getting his dorm ready for Dazai to see. They may have known each other for a while now, and seen dark and intimate parts of each other, but a messy dorm room is not something that Chuuya finds acceptable on his end even after all of that. Dazai knows things about him that no one else ever will, but still… he has expectations of himself.
He tidies up his desk hurriedly, but when it comes to handling the notes he finds himself being oddly careful, unwilling to crinkle or damage them in any way. Chuuya is unsure for a moment of where to put them– there are just so many. His eyes flicker up to the corkboard he'd just so happened to buy not a week ago– good to hang up reminders on. And, well, why not?
He's just finishing pushing a tack into the last note to hold it to the board when there's a knock on his door. There's really only one person it could be. Well, it could be Shirase, too, but that's unlikely. After all, it's been about fifteen minutes; long enough for Dazai to have made it from wherever on campus he's been at this hour. The question is about why Dazai is knocking. He hasn't felt the need to knock in weeks, which is good! Chuuya had thought they were making progress.
He moves to open the door, his pulse racing, every nerve alight with anxious energy for a reason he can't even begin to understand, much less explain. He wants things to be normal between them again.
Dazai looks, putting it lightly, like shit. He hasn't been sleeping; that much is obvious. His eyes are dark, hollow, and his mouth is turned down at the corners. His eyebags are back in full force, shadowing his face and making him appear all the more gaunt and uncared for. Chuuya wants to say something, anything, but all that leaves his mouth is a soft,
"Hey." He clears his throat shortly afterward, standing aside to let Dazai into his room. "You, uh… you knocked."
Dazai blinks at him sluggishly, taking a step into the dorm.
"I wanted to be polite." He says. His voice is more of a rasp than anything else, like he hasn't spoken to anyone in days. Chuuya wishes he could offer some tea, but they aren't allowed electric kettles in the dorms. It's a fire hazard, after all.
"There's no need for politeness between us." Chuuya tries to smile, but it's half-hearted. "I'm okay with you just coming in."
There's no need for knocking. There shouldn't be, anyways, unless… unless something has changed, like Chuuya has been noticing more and more lately. Fear grips him, shakes him, fear that Dazai is drifting away, moving on from this, from them, from the electric hold seeing each other just to talk has had on what Chuuya hopes to be both of them.
Don't let go just yet.
His heart is in his throat as Dazai steps further into the room.
"You say that…" He muses tiredly, eyeing his surroundings. "But you cleaned, Chuuya."
And it's sick, just a little bit, that such helpless words from Dazai's lips can invoke the hopeful feeling growing in Chuuya's chest. Maybe because Dazai noticed. After all of this, everything they've been through, every high and low, Paris and not talking and arcade kisses that Chuuya misses more than anything– he notices, still.
"I guess we're both acting off, then." Chuuya acquiesces. He waits a moment longer before gesturing to the bed. "Wanna talk about it?"
Dazai visibly hesitates, eyes tracing over the mattress before he jerks his head in a quick nod and sits down on it. Chuuya watches as Dazai's hands run over the fabric of his comforter, like he's committing it to memory. Like he's missed it. It's the little moments like these that send Chuuya's stomach into a fluttering storm of butterflies, wild and unstable.
"Not really," Dazai clarifies, giving a wry smile. He looks somewhat distant, not altogether there. "But I'm… I'm trying to be better about that. So we should, probably."
Chuuya sits down beside him, close, but not pushing any boundaries. The last thing he wants to do is make Dazai uncomfortable when he's trying to open up.
"Where do you want to start?" Chuuya asks, his voice purposely soft, though not pitying in any manner. Dazai takes a deep breath and holds it, his body tensing. Eventually, he lets it out.
"You…" He starts, and then grimaces. "I… Do you like anyone, Chuuya?"
Chuuya freezes, his heart coming to what feels like a jerking halt in his chest. His lips part, but he stays silent. This is it. He's officially stepped over the line, pushed too far, made Dazai feel uncomfortable with advances that he wasn't even trying to make.
He knows, Chuuya thinks forlornly, squeezing his eyes shut against the pressure of an oncoming headache. What can he even say? They promised not to lie to each other. No more secrets.
"Yeah." Chuuya admits, finally opening his eyes. He doesn't think he's ready to see whatever expression Dazai is wearing, and he's right. It's nothing short of devastating.
Crestfallen, like Chuuya has disappointed him in some unforgivable sort of way just by having feelings for him. Like Chuuya has really fucked things up for good this time, like there's no fixing it.
"I'm sorry," He says, like that will fix anything at all, feeling desperate, out of control, and regretting ever opening his mouth in the first place. He's beginning to see the appeal of lying about things like this.
"Whatever for?" Dazai croaks out, and he's smiling, but Chuuya can see just how uncomfortable he's become just from having this conversation. "It's not like things like that can be controlled."
He's right, but he's only saying it for Chuuya's benefit.
"I'm sorry." Chuuya says again, feeling helpless. There's nothing he can do in this moment to lift the crushing weight of guilt from his chest.
"What did I just say?" Dazai laughs. He's not fooling anyone this time. Chuuya knows better, now, knows all the signs and cues. He knows better. As he should, at this point. After everything he's done wrong, all the mistakes he's made, Chuuya should recognize when he's messed up, and he does. "It's alright, Chuuya, really. Don't worry about it. Maybe I should go, though."
Don't, Chuuya wants to say, wants to plead, wants to beg for Dazai to stay here, stay with him, wants and hopes and needs, needs Dazai to curl up against him one more time and just sleep. Sleeping sounds good. They could sleep it all off and forget about it in the morning and, and– and that's not possible, because Chuuya has done something he promised he wouldn't.
Although he'd done it without meaning to, in a bathroom in a five star hotel in Paris, before such rules ever came into being, Chuuya has broken one of Dazai's rules. An important one. Possibly the most important. He shouldn't have ever said anything about it, and he doesn't know if he can forgive himself. So instead of saying something stupid, like don't go, or stay with me, just stay the night one last time, Chuuya gives in. Chuuya gives up.
"Okay." He whispers. It's broken, shattered, and it's seemingly the final nail in the coffin that urges Dazai into movement.
"Good thing I didn't take off my shoes," Dazai says with a smile as he stands from the bed. It's not a real one. It's sad, helpless, disappointed. "I'll, uh… I'll see you later, Chuuya."
Something in Chuuya's chest cracks painfully, a cold ache that takes his breath away, makes his voice sound small when he asks,
"Promise?"
Dazai's back to him is when he next speaks. Part of Chuuya is relieved that he doesn't have to see Dazai's face, because he's a coward and wouldn't be able to look Dazai in the eye even if he tried. Dazai is still, and tall, not unlike a statue, and he looks lonely, like he's never felt, or been, more alone.
"I'm really bad at keeping promises," Dazai says quietly, his voice pitching up on the word bad, like it hurts to admit it. "But I can try, for Chuuya."
That's enough for Chuuya. That's more than enough, more than he could ever ask for, that's– it's more than he deserves. He can feel himself starting to tear up, his eyes burning, and he hopes Dazai doesn't turn around so that he won't see Chuuya cry.
Can we still be friends? Chuuya wants to plead, just for reassurance that everything will be okay, even though it won't, even though it's not. Please?
"Goodbye, Dazai." He chokes out instead, barely keeping the wobble out of his voice. "Try to get some sleep."
They both know that won't happen, because Dazai can't sleep when he doesn't feel safe, and he only ever used to feel safe around Chuuya. Chuuya doesn't think that will be the case anymore, and as much as it stings, he only has himself to blame.
Like always, even when he snarked and joked and played around before, Dazai is polite in his reply.
"You, too." He says. He doesn't say see you soon, like Chuuya wishes he would. He doesn't even say goodbye. Maybe those two words were enough of a reply for Dazai, but they could never, ever be enough for Chuuya, who would like to hear Dazai's voice next to his ear until the day he dies.