Nox's POV:
"I want to leave!" I said, while sunbathing on a rooftop.
I'm so sick of this place. It's been less than half a year since I got here, but it feels like an eternity. I've been sticking around for a mix of personal and practical reasons, but if I don't get a break from all these assholes soon, I'm going to blow my brains out.
"Husband! There is a beggar on our roof! Please, get rid of it!"
The granny won't respect my personal space, the muscle-maniac keeps picking fights, and it takes everything I have to stop myself from strangling the dumbass. The only ones remotely tolerable are the old man after he finally stopped trying to force the word 'gwandpa' down my throat and the hilariously incompetent rat-man.
"What?! Hey, get off my roof you little whore!"
Speaking of the rat-man, did you know he has a wife? I know! I thought he was divorced too! Not many women would be able to stand by and support a failed comedian like rat-man. I guess she must be one of the rare few who get his comedy. His jokes are often too complex for the common plebs to understand, but it's nice to see there still are some refined women other than me left in this world of savages.
"Hey, could you move over? You're blocking the sun!" I said, too lazy to get up.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU WHENCH!" The rat-man yelled at me.
"The elegant Dr. Nox prescribed me some vitamin D! So, stop hogging it like a D-bag and move!" I said, as I lazily gestured for the rat-man to move.
"Husband! Why haven't you chased this stray away yet?" The rat man's wife asked, as she floated up to us.
"Hey, Miss Rat, or maybe it's Miss Man? Miss whatever, can you get your man to take a couple steps to the left?" I asked, as I struggled to figure out what part was the rat man's given- or surname.
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME! GUARDS!"
"Or to the right! I'm not picky!" I said, as I saw the vitamin police surround us.
"Beat some manners into this rude little beggar then throw her out!" She said, pointing towards me as it seems miss whatever is hallucinating me as a beggar.
"Poor miss whatever! She must have taken some of the dumbass's drugs! Can you still see how many fingers I am holding up?"
"WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE?! SHE IS INSULTING ME! KILL HER!" Miss whatever screamed at the vitamin cops.
"Officers, could you please get mister rat man to stop hogging all the photons?" I asked.
"Young miss, could you please leave the premises? You are causing a scene!" One of the guards asked me in an insultingly polite tone.
"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME IN SUCH AN INSULTING TONE! NOW MOVE THE SUN HOARDER OR I WILL HAVE YOU BADGE AND GUN!!" I screamed at what I am assuming was a cocky new recruit.
The other guards only backed away as they knew not to offend this soon to be tall again lady. After all, they've all seen my intimidating figure in a bear costume during the granny's shame parade through the estate. Everyone knows the vitamin police have a fear of teddy bears so of course they wouldn't dare provoke me after such a display. It's definitely that and not because I am the favorite plushy of the only immortal within a 10-mile radius.
"HUSBAND! WHY ARE YOU NOT SAYING ANYTHING?! DO SOMETHING!!!" Miss whatever screamed at the rat man.
However, he was too busy trying to perform a secret shadow puppet show behind his back for his secret male mistresses hiding in the bushes below.
"Aww! Is the party over? What a shame! And just when you were getting to the good part too!"
"Why don't you come down to have a cup of tea with us?" The rat man offered.
"Sure, I don't mind listening to your new comedy routine!" I said, as it seems rat man has come up with a new joke based on the excitement hidden in his eyes.
My initial reason for hopping on the rat man's roof before I suddenly got the urge to soak up some light energy vitamins, was to have a good laugh at his jokes. I only hope that his comedy injections are funny enough to make me forget the last couple of months.