Ai's POV:
"Let go! I've got better things to do!" My adorable little granddaughter said as she dug her nails into the ground.
"Oh, you don't have to be so shy little Noxy! Grandmama will still love you no matter what your aptitude is!" I said, trying to encourage her as I dragged her by the leg.
Today's a very important day as I will be teaching my cute little granddaughter how to cultivate. She said she was a mage, but I'm worried it might not be the best path for her as her temperament and strength makes me think she might be better off as a cultivator rather than a mage. I mean, just the other day, I saw her have another slugfest with my daughter. She is too skilled in close quarters combat to waste her time on confusing and complicated magic and spells. We would also be able to help and support her cultivation journey with our knowledge and resources, which would be an excellent opportunity for me, I mean us, to bond with her as I fear she might become alienated by the rest of the family as the only mage.
That is why I have decided to take her to get tested at the city lord's manor instead of playing in the shopping district today.
"This is a waste of time! I can't become a cultivator!"
"Listen to these words of wisdom from your beautiful grandmama and take them to heart! Don't knock it till you try it! So, come on!" I said as I threw her up into the air along with the floor tile she was clinging to before jumping up to catch her midair.
I then proceeded to carry her in my arms as we headed towards the crystal obelisk at the back of the city lord's garden. When we finally arrived, I spotted something that shook me to my core.
"Daddy? Who's that lady? Didn't you say that the tall lady would be here?"
"I'm not sure where the tall lady is, but the lady over there is her grandma! Now, be nice and respectful, she might get angry if-!"
"Cute! You're so cute!" I said as I stepped in front of the adorable little green-haired girl with a grumpy expression.
"Huh? Your face looks weird! AAAAHHH! DADDY HELP!"
"WAIT, PLEASE! SHE DIDN'T Mean to, offend…?"
I couldn't help but scoop that adorable little thing off her little feet as I began to rub against those soft cheeks. It is an unfortunate thing, but my granddaughter has forced a command to never remove her mask, hence, I have been unable to enjoy her soft cheeks for myself. Seeing another adorably cute little thing must be a sign from the heavens that I, Yang Ai, must claim this child's soft cheeks by rubbing them against my own.
"Ah! This is pure bliss!"
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME YOU! DADDY HELP!"
"Sorry kid, but the wife-beater can't help you out of this one, and neither will I!" My little Noxy said to the other cutey.
I'm sure they will be the best of friends, who will come visit each other every day, and I will get to enjoy this soft feeling of ecstasy every day as a result.
"Isn't that right Noxy?"
"…"
"Noxy?" I said, feeling confused as this is where my loving granddaughter will show her bashful nature by pretending, she hates me by throwing her harmless love-punches.
She must have been feeling neglected by how I was focusing all my attention on the other girl, and decided to give me the silent treatment. I turned my head as I spoke.
"Don't be jealous! Grandmama has enough love for the both…!"
She wasn't there. My granddaughter, the sneaky little scamp that she was, had somehow escaped my grasp while I was distracted, leaving me with only the floor tile she had been clinging to earlier as I saw her running for the trees.
"Sorry, but I had no choice but to leave you behind kid! I will always remember your sacrifice!" I heard her say, right before I scooped her back up and carried her back to the obelisk.
"Lady Yang!"
"Hm? Are you my little Xing's friend?" I asked, as I had heard the city lord my son had befriended was going to meet us here.
"Could you please let my daughter go? She doesn't seem to like it!"
"Huh? That's not true, right? You love it when this beautiful lady squishes your cheeks, isn't that right?" I asked the adorable little thing.
"NO! I HATE YOU! YOU SUCK!"
"Yeah, you tell her kid!"
The two adorable girls said, dealing me physical damage as they punched me from both sides with their mean words. I begrudgingly let the green-haired cutey go after one last hug for old times' sake, and another in hopes of her remembering all the good times we had together, but it was no use. Her mind was made up and she broke my heart as she left my arms.
"Hey, stop rubbing your snot and tears on me you weirdo!"
At least I still have my granddaughter whom I can cuddle with until my heart is healed.
"Lady Yang?" The stern man the little cutey was hiding behind addressed me.
"*sob* Hm? Leave me alone! I'm still grieving!" I said as I rubbed my face into Noxy's soft stomach.
"I SAID, STOP USING ME AS A FUCKING TISSUE, YOU SENILE OLD LADY!"
"Tall lady?" The sweet green-haired child said as her curious nature seemed to sway her mind back to me.
"Yeah, what's up?" Noxy spoke to the cutey.
"Wait, is that you, Miss Nox?"
It would seem my Noxy has already been acquainted with these two already, bringing my hopes of the cutest sleepover ever back to life, as it seemed like the cutey was on good terms with my misunderstood granddaughter.
"Hello, are you my little Noxy's friend?" I asked, praying in my mind for a yes.
She only responded by giving me the reddest and cutest embarrassed look ever.
"Um, I! Well, I!"
"Hey, stop bullying the kid and let's get this over with!" Noxy spoke impatiently.
"Okey, but you better invite me to your sleepovers, okay?" I said as I carried my cute grandchild up to the obelisk.
"So, you just need to put your hand up to the wall and-!"
"Yeah, yeah! I've done this before!" Noxy said, cutting off my words as she placed her hand on the obelisk.
This crystal obelisk is a tool used to assess a cultivator's affinity for the different elements. When reaching qi refinement which my genius Noxy can enter at any time thanks to her strong body and draconic bloodline, they need to pick an element to cultivate. When picking an element to cultivate, it's best to choose one you have a high affinity with, as it will greatly enhance your cultivation speed as compared to one you have low affinity with. That is what this obelisk is for. It will let us see all my little Noxy's elemental affinities displayed as orbs of the corresponding lights. The bigger the orbs, the higher the affinity.
I already know my Noxy is a genius so I am not worried about her having a low aptitude as it can be replaced with enough hard work and resources. Now, to see what element suits my cute little genius grandchild.
"Huh?"
"Huh?"
"Daddy! Why did the lights disappear?" The cutey asked, as both me and her dad stood dumbstruck at the results.
What was supposed to happen was that the various light fragments floating inside the giant crystal would gather into nine balls of differently colored lights, but that's not what occurred. The moment she touched the obelisk; all the different light fragments scattered around the crystal disappeared completely.
"They disappeared because I am the joke of god!" I heard my poor granddaughter say as she looked back at us.
"I don't understand! Is the obelisk broken?" The stern-looking guy asked in bewilderment as it seemed like he had never seen this before either.
"It's not broken!" Noxy said as she stepped away from the crystal.
Soon after she stepped away, the fragments of colored lights returned.
"Noxy! You shouldn't be scaring your grandmama like that! Now, stop hiding your aptitude and do it again!" I said while a ridiculous notion was creeping into the back of my mind.
When measuring someone's aptitude, no matter how small, it should still show up, but no lights started growing inside the crystal obelisk. The only way something like that would occur would be if the measuring tool was malfunctioning or she possessed no aptitude, but through my senses as an immortal cultivator I know the crystal artifact is not broken, and I have never heard of someone born without an aptitude for all the elements. Even if her aptitude was somehow lost, that still wouldn't explain why the fragmented lights inside the crystal disappeared, rather than just staying the same. Hence, this can only be some kind of trick Noxy is pulling that my senses can't pick up on.
"I wasn't hiding anything!"
"Hey, tall lady? Why did the lights go away?" Cutey asked innocently.
"Because the gods wanted to make fun of me by giving me the worst physique in history!" Noxy said as she patted the cutey on the head.
"So, cute! I mean! What physique?" I asked, as I tried not to get distracted by the cuties getting along.
"I already said its name! It's the rarest of the ten extreme physiques, 'the extreme mana physique', also called the 'joke of god'!" Noxy said, spouting out some nonsense.
"Ten? I've only ever heard of the nine extreme physiques!" The stern-looking guy said.
"Of course you have, because the tenth is so rare and ironically shitty that most historians who have heard of it, write it off as a joke!"
I then grabbed Noxy by the shoulders and tried to take a peek inside her body with my immortal senses to see for myself. However, …
"Ouch!" I uttered, as I felt a stinging sensation inside my mind.
"When will you learn to respect my privacy you pervy old lady?" Noxy said disgruntled.
As an immortal I can roughly tell someone's aptitude without an artifact by simply spreading my sixth sense inside their body to feel the elements directly. The reason why I didn't just do that instead of using this crystal is because this little girl is using some unknown method to block me every time I've tried. So, I cannot confirm nor deny her claims with absolute certainty.
"It has to be a special physique that hides your affinities, right? Right?" I said as I desperately shook Noxy to get the answer I wanted.
Unfortunately, my prayers were not heard.
"Stop shakin me granny! And no, the physique doesn't hide my aptitude!"
"It's the only non-elemental extreme physique that doesn't allow for any elemental energy to naturally accumulate inside my body! It's why cultivation is just a waste of my time. With this physique that actively rejects elemental energy, it would take more resources and time to reach golden core, then it took to build Straw city!"
"… You said it's an extreme physique, right? Extreme physiques are among the greatest of all physiques! So, there must at least be some benefits, right?" I asked in desperation as I started grasping at straws.
"There is one, and it's the punchline!"
"I knew it! The heavens are always fair! So, what is it?" I said with hope in my eyes.
The 9 extreme physiques are rumored to be the most powerful physiques in the world. However, they are so rare they hardly ever appear outside of legends and myths, where they are often described more like gods or fairies given flesh. They say those who possess it are granted supernatural powers and an unparalleled affinity for the element they specialize in. They also say those born with these physiques are almost guaranteed ascension to the immortal realm, regardless of which continent they're cultivating on. With so many rumors and legends surrounding these physiques, bragging about how good they are, there must be some sort of upside to having this extreme whatchamacallit.
"In exchange for all my elemental affinities, my body can hold enough energy to rival a god, but only in the form of useless non-elemental mana that I can't use for squat since I can't convert it into elemental energy on my own because I have no affinity. To be born with power rivaling a god, but no way to use it, that's how it came to be known in legends as god's joke!"
"The heavens can go fuck themselves!" I shouted in despair.
Forget cultivation, with no affinities her entire life will be an uphill battle. She has no hope as a cultivator, she can't cast spells, and no spirit would form a contract with someone who has no affinity. Even marriage will be a struggle as most would want their spouse to have decent talents to pass on to their descendants, not to mention her life expectancy being limited to that of a mortal. Meaning most who would pick her would be dirtbags and playboys who only wants a hottie they can have fun with before hopping to the next gal once she kicks the bucket, or maybe even before then.
"Wait I just remembered! HEY! WIFE-BEATER! WHAT THE HELL MAN! YOU RATTED ME OUT TO THE PLAYBOY YOU ASS!"
"Who?"
"THE PLAYBOY YOU, DUMBASS! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT CREEP DID TO MY ROOM BECAUSE OF YOU?!"
"It's this again! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THIS 'PLAYBOY' IS, WHEN YOU REFUSE TO GIVE ME A PROPER NAME!"
"PLAYBOY IS ALREADY DESCRIPTIVE ENOUGH! IF YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS MUCH THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST KEPT IT A SECRET FROM EVERYONE, YOU DOMESTIC VIOLENT ASS-WIPE!"
While despairing over the bleak future of my adorable granddaughter, I began planning for zed future in my head as Noxy was complaining about one of the afford mentioned playboys she had encountered.