This is, without question, the most uncomfortable thing I've ever experienced.
And I've been thrown into another timeline, pushed into the river, kidnapped, and forced to watch Shen Kexian and Ming Yu argue about my mortality like I'm a particularly fragile soup spoon.
But this?
This is worse.
Because I can hear everything. I can see everything. But I can't move. I can't speak. I can't even blink unless she decides to blink.
Lianshui has awakened and she's in control.
Technically, it's her body—I get that. I've been borrowing it, living in it, breathing in it for over a year like some glorified celestial squatter. But still. A little warning would have been nice.
The Soulthread array worked. It did. It just also... yeeted me to the spiritual sideline like an unwanted backseat driver.
From where she knelt, Shen Kexian gently reached for her—us—and helped her sit up, steadying her arms as if she might shatter again.
He led her to the chair beside him, movements gentle, like she was some half-remembered dream made real.
Then he sat across from her and asked, voice soft and shaken, "Lianshui… what happened?"
She looked around the room, her expression dazed and quiet, as if seeing it through a long-forgotten window. Her voice was breathy but steady.
"I don't know," she said. "Your pain… it hurt so much."
Her eyes flicked to him, full of memory and grief and love too heavy to carry.
"I wanted to stop it," she whispered. "That's how I could feel again. My hands. My arms. My whole body."
"What happened to Mei Lin?"
Ming Yu's voice cut through the silence—tight, hoarse, full of panic he was barely holding back.
His eyes were locked on me—her—like he was looking for any trace of me inside that body and seeing none.
Lianshui turned her gaze to him, still eerily calm. "Advisor Liu," she said softly, "she is still here. In me. I can hear her."
WAIT WHAT?!
You can hear me?!
I yelled it inside my own head, unsure if I was thinking or screaming anymore.
She looked up slightly, as if following the sound of my thoughts. Her smile was small, almost amused. "I can, Miss Mei Lin. Strange, isn't it?"
"Mei Lin is still in there?" Ming Yu asked, his voice rising. "What happened to her? Will she be back? Is she trapped? Can she hear us? Can she breathe?!"
He was spiraling. Fast.
Shen Kexian stepped forward, calm but sharp. "Hold on. We need to sort this out. You can't just bombard her with questions—"
He positioned himself slightly in front of Lianshui, not hostile, but protective. Blocking. Shielding.
Ming Yu looked like he was one question away from either grabbing me—her—or breaking down completely.
And me?
Oh no. Oh no no no. He's spiraling. He's full-on losing it. Someone throw a calming talisman. Get the man a rice bun. SOMETHING.
I tried to scream I'm okay! but all that came out was internal spiritual flailing.
And then—Lianshui giggled. Out loud.
The sound cut through the tension in the room like a string snapping. Everyone froze.
Lianshui immediately straightened, eyes wide. "Sorry! I—um… Miss Mei Lin said something funny."
I did not.
…Okay maybe I did.
Oh.
So she can hear my thoughts.
Great.
Fantastic.
Lianshui, I said inwardly, since you've clearly got the wheel now and apparently giggle at my spiritual breakdown access, we need to talk. Like, now. Let's establish what we are right now, I thought firmly. Because I feel like we skipped some important conversations. Like… shared body etiquette. Or who gets to move the arms. Or why you kissed Shen Kexian in front of my lover.
She giggled again. Softly. Just a light, airy sound like water catching sunlight. But in the silence of the room, it echoed like thunder.
All three men looked instantly alarmed.
OKAY, I panicked internally. Lianshui, please—for the love of incense and reputation—say something normal before they start forming an exorcism team.
There was a pause inside.
Then I added: Actually no—don't explain. Just fake a headache. Or nausea. Or say the spiritual Wi-Fi is unstable. Anything. Flee. Now.
Lianshui placed a delicate hand to our temple, her movements slow and graceful.
"I… may be feeling a little unwell," she said softly. Her voice barely rose above a whisper, but it carried. "Perhaps the array took more out of me than I expected."
She stood—carefully, almost shyly—and offered a polite, almost apologetic nod.
"I think I should rest."
Shen Kexian reacted immediately.
The moment Lianshui swayed even slightly, he stepped forward, already slipping into command like it was second nature. "Let's go," he said firmly, but with unmistakable care. "I'll take you to my room."
HOLD UP. NO. NO, SIR.
Absolutely not. Emergency. Mayday. Abort.
I flailed internally, slamming every mental alarm bell I had.
Lianshui, please, I am begging you, not his room. Not like this. Not with Ming Yu right there probably having a silent emotional breakdown—
But before the spiral could reach full combustion, Lianshui paused.
She turned slightly, her expression calm, voice as soft and measured as ever.
"I appreciate your kindness," she said to Shen Kexian, "but… let me return to my own room."
She glanced—gently, almost shyly—in Ming Yu's direction.
"I think that would be… fair. For everyone else."
Ming Yu didn't move, but his eyes met hers—ours—and something in them softened, if only by a fraction.
Shen Kexian looked like he wanted to object. Just for a second.
Then he nodded, stepping back.
"Very well," he said, his voice unreadable.
Lianshui offered the faintest smile.
I silently sobbed with relief in the corner of my mind.
Thank you. I owe you. You saved us from a spiritual soap opera.
When we got back to our room—finally, my room, thank the heavens—Lianshui moved with her usual quiet grace. She crossed the floor with effortless poise, as if the whole "accidental divine possession in front of my almost-boyfriend and spiritual ex" episode hadn't just happened.
She sat down in front of the mirror, folded her hands in her lap, and smiled softly at her own reflection.
Then, as if she'd been waiting for this conversation the entire time, she said aloud, sweetly:
"All right. I assume you have many questions, Miss Mei Lin."
DO I EVER.
Oh good, I thought, immediately dropping into internal caps-lock. Yes. Yes I do. Let's start with the very big one: WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU while I've been in control of your body for, oh, I don't know—A WHOLE YEAR?
She tilted her head slightly, still smiling. "That is… a fair place to begin."
She smiled gently at her reflection, still composed, still impossibly serene.
"I've actually been here the whole time," she said, her voice like ripples across still water. "You just couldn't hear me."
OMG.
What?!
Wait—really?! From the very beginning??
Lianshui nodded once, still watching the mirror like she was talking to me through a window rather than a body.
"I could feel your feelings," she continued. "I heard your thoughts. All of them. From the moment you arrived."
All of them? Oh no. Wait—like… all of them?
She smiled again, just a little.
"At first, when I woke up… I was scared. Confused. I didn't understand what had happened, or where I was. I was floating—disconnected. And you were here. Alive. Moving. Talking."
Her voice was quiet, but not sad. Just honest.
"I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I could only listen. Watch."
I didn't interrupt, though my inner monologue was vibrating.
You mean this whole time… I've been spiritually broadcasting to you like a live podcast?
"Eventually, I made peace with it," she said, tilting her head slightly, a flicker of amusement in her eyes. "I accepted it. You were… kind. Strange, yes. Loud, definitely. But kind. And surprisingly entertaining to watch."
Loud?!
"I realized," she said softly, "that maybe this was my fate. To sleep inside myself, and let someone else live where I could not."
Okay, I thought, trying to collect what was left of my dignity and not spiral into another internal meltdown. Let's not talk about the… embarrassing stuff yet. That's a later-me problem.
First things first.
What happened to you, Lianshui? Before I came into your body?
There was a pause.
Lianshui's reflection remained still, her fingers gently folded in her lap, her posture calm—but her expression shifted. Just barely. A flicker of something sad, settled in her eyes.
"I think…" she said slowly, "I was dead."
I froze.
Every thought in my head screeched to a halt.
Dead?
Like dead-dead? Ghost-dead? Cultivation-stasis-dead? Is-there-a-respawn-dead?
She didn't blink. "I don't remember everything. Not clearly. But I remember darkness. And then… nothing."
Lianshui's gaze softened, her smile fading into something distant. Something fragile.
"I was sick for a long time," she said quietly. "Longer than anyone knew. Kexian… he was the one who kept saving me."
Her fingers curled slightly in her lap, like the memory was something she was still holding onto—carefully, like it might slip through if she wasn't gentle with it.
"He used his spiritual power to stabilize me. Over and over. Every time I got worse, he would come to me and pour everything he had into keeping me breathing. Just so I could stay."
My heart twisted in my chest.
"I think that's how our connection formed," she said. "Not through a ritual or a mark, but… through love. Through desperation. Through repetition. He gave so much of himself to me."
She looked down at her hands.
"And I couldn't return any of it."
The silence that followed wasn't awkward—it was heavy. Reverent.
Then, even quieter, she added, "One day, he went on a mission. He didn't come back for a while. I got worse. And I realized…"
She paused. Her breath trembled.
"I didn't want him to keep giving everything to save someone who couldn't be saved."
Her voice cracked, just slightly.
"So… I ran away."
Lianshui's gaze remained fixed on the mirror, but her eyes seemed to be seeing something far away—somewhere I couldn't follow.
"The last thing I remember," she said gently, "was being in the woods."
Her voice was a little quieter now, like the memory itself made her lungs smaller.
"I had been walking for a long time. I didn't know where I was going. I just knew I didn't want to be found."
She hesitated, then added, "I felt faint. Like my body was folding in on itself. There was a breeze… the sound of birds… and then—nothing."
She blinked slowly. "That's all I remember."
I see, I thought, letting the silence linger a moment longer between us.
Then I asked the question that had been pressing on my chest from the moment she kissed him.
Now that you have a second chance… do you want to live with him?
Lianshui didn't answer right away.
Her reflection stilled, and the soft light from the lantern touched the edges of her face, highlighting the quiet sadness settling into her eyes.
She looked at herself—at us—and for the first time, she didn't smile.
Then, after a long breath, she said softly, "Miss Mei Lin… I've been inside you for over a year."
Her voice wavered, but only a little.
"I've seen what you've gone through. I've felt it. Every heartbreak. Every breathless moment. Every time your heart broke over Advisor Liu, I was there. You just didn't know."
I stayed silent.
"I do love Kexian," she continued, voice barely above a whisper. "But love doesn't give me the right to steal something from someone else. Not when you've made this life yours."
She looked at the mirror again, but I knew she was speaking to me.
"I won't rob that from you."
And for a second, I didn't know if the ache in my chest belonged to her or to me.
Maybe both.
Lianshui… you have a bigger heart than I do.
The thought formed slowly, heavier than anything I'd said so far.
Here I was… selfish and scared. Afraid you'd wake up one day and take everything—this body, this life, the people I love. I didn't even think about how you must've felt. Trapped. Watching me live your life like it was mine.
I felt so wrong.
I'm sorry.
She didn't speak for a long moment. Just sat there in the mirror, her expression soft, calm—too calm, almost, like she didn't want to let on how deeply those words settled.
Then she said gently, "I accept your apology."
She turned her gaze inward, a faint smile returning. "You weren't wrong, Miss Mei Lin. You were surviving. You were making something of the life you were given, even when it wasn't supposed to be yours."
She closed her eyes.
"And if I had woken up first… I might have been just as afraid to let go."
Suddenly, a soft knock broke through the stillness.
"Miss Mei Lin?" Xiaohua's voice floated in through the door just a breath before it creaked open. She stepped inside, carrying a tray with a small bowl of medicine, steam curling from it like a gentle warning.
"I heard you weren't feeling well," she said, concern knitting her brow as she walked in.
Oh crap. Oh no. It's Xiaohua.
Of course it's Xiaohua. Because the universe loves testing my emotional bandwidth.
I could already feel it—her gaze. Sharp as ever, always watching. It wouldn't take long.
She will know instantly that you're not me. Lianshui… we need to tell her. Now. Before she starts asking questions we don't know how to answer.
Lianshui nodded slightly, her reflection calm. Then, turning her attention to Xiaohua, she set her hands gently on her lap and said in that soft, quiet voice, "Xiaohua, you should sit down."
Xiaohua paused, eyes narrowing.
"I need to tell you something."
I mentally added, Okay, then the second person we'll need to tell is Yuling.
And just like that, my quiet, accidental possession was becoming a full-blown inner circle briefing.